David Staples' Blogville

My Super Bowl Pick

2012-02-05T13:31:00.001-05:00

The Super Bowl is today. It is the biggest sporting event of the year. (Wait, that's debatable. The Olympics are this year.) It's the biggest sporting event of the month. (Hold on, isn't the Daytona 500 this month? I'll tick off all the rednecks if I make that claim.) It's the biggest sporting event of the week. (Let me check... Australian Open... Some stupid NBA games... We're good.) As I've documented in other posts on this and my Darth Fatso blog, the Super Bowl has always been a very special day. I loved watching it with my dad. We were allowed to eat in the TV room instead of at the dining room table. We got pizzas from Publix or TV dinners. My dad my tons of snacks. It was great.

As I got older, I started to get into the Super Bowl Party circuit. As a minister, I had to orchestrate several of these things. Those are great - this huge game and two hundred of your closest people you sort of know. The problem I have with these things is that it is very hard to keep track of the game, the commercials (the best part), and enjoy yourself. I really prefer staying home with my family, having fun food, watching the game and the commercials together, and just enjoying the time together. My kids don't care about the game at all - they like the event.

This year, I am faced with a dilemma. I couldn't care less about the teams playing. This isn't like, "My favorite team isn't playing, so I have to pick someone else." This year, it's like, "These two teams are in my bottom tier of teams. I detest both of them." You have to have some kind of rooting interest in the game. So, how do I decide who to cheer for? Just like when I went through an exhaustive decision making process to pick my favorite NHL team (They wear yellow! Their mascot is a freaking saber toothed tiger!), I knew I needed to go that deep. So, here is my analysis of who I should cheer for.

Personal Favorite Teams: My favorite team is the Jaguars. They were eliminated in August. Like many non-die-hard fans, I have several auxiliary teams. The Bucs were eliminated right after the Jags. The Saints made it into the playoffs and then got ousted in the divisional round. No help there. Advantage: EVEN

Personal Favorite Teams Rivalries: The Jaguars don't really have a rival. Their biggest nemesis is empty seats. You could argue, I suppose, that the Titans or the Colts are their biggest enemies. So that dosen't assist in any way. The Jaguars have very little opinion on the Patriots and Giants - other than they are two teams they enjoy losing to. Advantage: EVEN

Franchise Like-ability: Let's face it, neither of these teams are especially likable. Both teams have had a lot of recent success, so there isn't a lot of sympathy for either team. You have a ton of rabid fans for both teams, so I can't pull the newcomer or the underdog card. And the teams are located in New York and Boston - the two most obnoxious, self-obsessed cities in all of sports. It seems like every other sportswriter is from those two cities. There is relentless coverage of Boston and New York teams. And the sports machines thinks that the rest of the country is as interested in Boston and New York sports as the New England area. What they fail to realize is that there are tens of millions of sports fans just like me who HATE every team from those cities, just because they are from those cities. If it is from Boston, I hate it. If it is from NYC, I hate it. And for good measure, I hate all the teams that are even close. As far as I'm concerned, these two teams could sport losing records for the next one hundred years and I would be glad. It still wouldn't make up for having to hear about David Tyree and the Perfect Season that never was. Advantage: EVEN

Player Like-ability: Umm... There are two levels of athletes out there. There are the blue-collar tough nameless guys who do their jobs and you never hear about. Most cynical sports fans like myself don't mind these guys. Yes, they are still making more than I will ever make in my life. But they don't flaunt it. Generally, they pass themselves off well. Then there are the stars of varying intensities. These are the guys we get tired. They have the monster contracts and matching egos. I have a theory that the stars we like a whole lot are the ones that are able to make themselves look like that other, larger, more relatable group. Look at some of the more popular athletes out there - Drew Brees, Peyton Manning - and they are big shots who pass themselves off as more common guys. The stars we turn on - LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard (recently) - are the ones who start to act like they deserve the big bucks and flaunt their importance and wealth. Yes, some people like that attitude, which is why there is a marketing vein capitalizing on those guys. But, to people like me, (and this about my decision making) I can't stand guys like that. There are a bunch of fans out there who loved Albert Pujols when he was still just doing his job, and who now don't like him because he gave in to the lure of big money elsewhere. (Although, most of us will always have a soft spot for him because it is fun to say his name. "Poo-holes.") That all being said, the hard working Giants and Patriots are going to balance each other out. The question comes down to how obnoxious those teams' stars are.

The Patriots sport Tom Brady - who simultaneously comes across as smug and arrogant AND down to earth and humble. He is married to a supermodel and dresses in designer clothes, but then wears an undershirt with a notch cut into it to Media Day. He is a spokesperson for Ugg Boots, but his choices in hair styles is slightly worse than mine. Tough call. They also have Chad Ochocinco - one of the most annoying athletes of all time. However, this year he has been so quiet I forgot he was on the team. They are a mixed bag. The Giants have Eli Manning, the not as nice brother. As much as people try to package him as Peyton Lite, he has an edge to him that rubs people the wrong way. Maybe it was his demand to play for the Giants on draft day. Maybe it is his perceived weakness. I just don't like him for some reason. The other stars are also mixed bag. I'm not sure if either team provides enough positive energy to make a difference. Advantage: EVEN (maybe slight Giants edge)

Coach Like-ability: Yep. Both Bill Belichick and Tom Coughlin are obviously great coaches. You don't get to multiple Super Bowls without knowing what you are doing. But they both have a lot of baggage. Belichick has so much stacked against him. He is churlish. He dresses like a hobo. He tries to use every borderline cheating trick out there to get an advantage. He is about as warm and cuddly as a candiru. (I dare you to click on that link and not wince.) But, he is obviously brilliant. And his players love him. And what he has done with Tom Brady is absolutely incredible. Tom Coughlin is another coach with a lot of baggage. He was such an angry, totalitarian, and verbally abusive coach he had TWO teams completely quit on him. His teams never seem to excel - they do enough to scrape by. Plus, hardly a year goes by without an ugly losing streak and a big call to fire Coughlin. On the plus side, though, Coughlin did listen to the criticism and change his methods, becoming a better coach. He had family members die in the 9/11 attacks. And, you can't overlook this, he has the Jaguars connection that makes him keep the "hometown discount" that fans of teams offer their obnoxious players/coaches. Advantage: GIANTS

Uniforms: To some of you, this may not matter. But I am a big uniform fan. I read the Uni Watch Blog every day. When it comes to these teams, their uniforms are not in my top ten - or top twenty. Sure, they aren't the Oregon Ducks and their rotating clown outfits. But I don't like them. I can't stand football teams that wear matching dark shirts and pants - which the Patriots do. I don't like their new logo. And I just don't care for their mostly boring uniform. I like their socks, and I love their throwbacks. But overall, they are not a winner. The Giants, though, sport one of my most hated uniforms in all of sports. I know some people hail them for their classic look. I just can't stand them. I hate the texture of their pants. I hate how their shirts all look sloppy and stretched on. Seriously, I hate the Giants' uniforms. They aren't the worst (Ravens and Seahawks, looking at you). But I hate them. Advantage: PATRIOTS

Personal History: I grew up a Cowboys fan. That alone should tell you where this is going. As a Dallas fan for nearly twenty years (before I bailed, thank to Jerry Jones), there were some indisputable facts. First, you hate the Redskins with every fiber of your being. (The fact they were my brother's favorite team only added to the intensity.) Second, hate the 49ers. Third, hate the Giants. Fourth, hate the Eagles. I have rooted against the New York Giants since I knew what football was. They are one of my absolutely least favorite teams. It isn't a mild dislike, either. It is a complete loathing. You know those teams you get angry thinking about? I have those. In football, that would include the Dolphins, the 49ers, the Jets, the Giants, the Raiders. I detest those teams. Personally, I don't have any bad experiences with the Patriots. They beat the Dolphins and Jets on a regular basis, which I appreciate. So, this one, the Patriots win by default. Advantage: PATRIOTS

Friends: Sometimes, I will cheer for a team because friends of mine like it. I like my friends and want them to be happy. As long as that doesn't come at the expense of my happiness, naturally. Since I don't really care about this game, this would be a perfect example of a filial rooting interest. So, I have some Patriot fan friends. Eric Soucy was the first Patriots fan I ever met, back in Elementary school. The kid, John Stemples, who sat behind me in math class in eighth grade was a Patriots fan. And now I have a few people who like the Pats. One of my newer friends, Eddie (a fellow stay at home dad) likes them. As for Giants fans, Damani Collier is a big G-Man fan. So is Robyn Daly German. (Both of those were friends of mine in college.) Aside from that, I don't know many others. Advantage: PATRIOTS

Conference Affiliation: I know a lot of people who will root for whatever team represents the conference of their favorite team. I see tons of Gator fans cheer for any SEC school once Florida gets eliminated. I don't entirely get that. How can you go from hoping the ground opens up and swallows Tennessee and then root for them? If you hate a team, shouldn't you also revel in their misery? Not only would I want my biggest rivals to lose against us, I would want them to lose every game ever. But, trying to give this some credence, I have always considered myself an NFC fan. This probably came from the era where I liked teams from the NFC for about 25 years. Now that I root for an AFC team, that still hasn't changed much. I still root for the NFC in the Pro Bowl. So I guess that means something. Advantage: GIANTS

UCF Alumni: There aren't any UCF graduates on either team. There also aren't any players who attended UCF and never graduated. There are two USF players on the Giants. But, USF is turning into a rival for UCF. So that doesn't help the Giants. Advantage: EVEN (Maybe slight Patriots)

So, that's about it. My interest in these playoffs basically ended when Tim Tebow threw his last wounded duck into the turf. How do these category shake out? As you can see, there isn't a whole lot to go on. But, based on this highly scientific study, I have decided to root for the Patriots - just like the last time these teams played in the Big Game. Let's hope that this time it turns out better.

Eight Deadly Words

2012-02-02T12:06:00.001-05:00

I've made no secret over the years of my fondness for sportswriter Bill Simmons. Anyone who can get me to read a 736 page book on basketball - a sport I really don't even care for that much - must be a pretty good writer. I've been reading just about everything he has written for close to ten years now. Recently he launched a new website - GRANTLAND.COM - that has a bunch of super-talented writers covering all kinds of sports and cultural topics. I don't agree with everything they write, nor do I agree with everything Simmons writes. But I enjoy reading their stuff and it gets you thinking.

The other day, Simmons wrote about the NBA (naturally) and included what he called "the eight deadliest words in sports." Because that's the way we've always done it. It really got me thinking about how that phrase in not just deadly in sports, it can be deadly in every area of life. It kills new ideas, hampers innovation, thwarts progress. Now, I can relate to what Professor Umbridge says in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. We don't need progress for the sake of progress. But... There is a time and a place for staying the main road. And there is a time to find a new road.

Because that's the way we've always done it. Isn't that how I got so fat? Isn't that what nearly killed American car companies? Isn't that what has (probably) irreparably damaged the newspaper industry and the music industry? How many businesses have gone under because that phrase seemed to be tacked onto their mission statement? How many churches are struggling because they won't change to meet their new neighbors or the new culture? I'm not talking about changing the inherent values or heart of something. But we certainly can look at changing the way things are done.

There are times when we face a situation and there is a logical solution. It makes sense. It is just what to do. Years ago, I asked myself why no one ever used waffles as a bread substitute in breakfast sandwiches. No one could give me a good answer. So I tried it and it was glorious. Waffles, cheese, sausage, eggs. Amazing stuff. Thinking myself a genius, I went one further and asked why no one ever used Toaster Strudels as the bread substitute in breakfast sandwiches. So I tried it. Blueberry strudels, egg, cheese. It was one of the most disgusting things I ever ate. There was a very good reason why no one used glorified Pop Tarts in a breakfast sandwich. [Years later, some brilliant person would go through this same question process with donuts and a hamburger. The jury is still out on that one. All the people who have tried it are dead.]

But there are time when that solution doesn't make the best sense. But we keep doing it. Why? It reminds me of a story I heard in a sermon years ago. There was a family once that got together for Sunday dinner - a very special tradition. The youngest son had recently gotten engaged. This was his new fiance's first big family dinner. To reach out to her, the mother took the new daughter-in-law-to-be aside and was showing her how to go about crafting the meal. She explained all about what is included: mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, homemade biscuits, peach salad. Finally, she got to the centerpiece - the roast. She took out a magnificent piece of meat out of the fridge and laid it on the counter. She sprinkled it with salt and spices. Then she took a huge knife and cut the end off of it and placed it into the roasting pan and slid it into the oven. The girl was a bit hesitant, but couldn't help herself. "Why did you cut the end off the roast?" The mother looked at her quizzically and replied, "I'm not sure. Probably because that's the way we've always done it." The other children all explained that they did the same thing. Their spouses admitted they didn't understand why, but they did the same thing because the mother had told them to. No one knew why. Finally the mother said it was because her mom had told her to. About that time, the grandmother in question arrived with her bowl of peach salad and basket of bread. The youngest son looked over and asked her, "Why did you tell mom to cut the end off the roast?" The grandmother thought for a minute. "I never told her to do that." The mother responded, "Yes you did. Every time I watched you make Sunday dinner, you cut the end off the roast." The grandmother started to laugh. "I never told you to do that. You saw me do it and copied me." The mom was getting a little frustrated. "Showed me, told me. Whatever. Same thing. I got it from you." The grandmother nodded, "Yes, you did. I cut the end of the roast because I didn't have a roasting pan big enough to fit it in."

In that story, there was no good reason to continue that practice. It had outlived its purpose. But no one changed it because that's the way we've always done it. We hear this all the time. Think about some things in your life that you would answer with that phrase. Why do you sleep on the side of the bed you do? Why do you comb your hair the way you do? Why do you buy a particular brand of food? Why do you use a particular translation/version of The Bible? I know that there are practices I have that don't necessarily need to continue. I used a rigid folder system on my computer I developed over many year using Windows machines. Now that I am exclusively on Macs, it isn't as important. But I can't get over it. [Shoot, the fact that it took me so long to switch computer brands could fall into that as well.] We separate our clothes into separate colored loads. That makes sense, except for the fact that we don't have many new clothes that would be bleeding, we wash in cold water to hold colors, we used detergents that hold colors, and there are new items that help catch colors. I sleep on the right side of the bed. I have a pattern I use when brushing my teeth.

There are habits that we get into. Not necessarily a bad thing. But those habits can become ruts. And living in a rut can make you stubborn and rigid. So when a new idea comes along that genuinely is better than ours, we fight it. We won't acknowledge its legitimacy. It can't be a better option because that's the way we've always done it. This isn't about questioning every single believe or teaching. But I think there is something to be said about questioning the methods. Why do we vote on Tuesdays? Why is there an Electoral College? Why are there only two political parties? Those made perfect sense back in the day, when transportation was harder and education was limited. But are those the best systems now? I don't think questioning that is the same as questioning the validity of the Constitution or freedom itself. But some people would raise the hair on their backs just the same.

Those eight words are triggered - and often nullified - by just one word. Why? It seems like a bit of a cop out. It really isn't a good answer. And it is kind of a testimony to the fact that there may not be a good reason. It is healthy to ask yourself why you are doing certain things from time to time. That is how innovators and inventors get started. They look at situation and ask why it is that way. Then they try to find out if there is a better way to do things. That is where the Fords and Edisons and Jobses and Zuckerbergs get started. Why? But instead of replying the eight words, they answer just two. Why not?

Jesus was like this. He was approaching a religious establishment that had done things a certain way for hundreds of years. Back in the day, when The Law was established, it made sense. But over the centuries, traditions and teachings had added to and colored that Law. It was barely recognizable. And, the whole point of The Law was to point to the coming Messiah. So when Jesus showed up, there was a whole lot of people who could only answer His appearance with because that's the way we've always done it. The leaders would ask Jesus why he was doing certain things. And He would more often than not respond back with a variation of "Why aren't you?" Why was He hanging around with sinners? Why was He talking to women? Why was He hanging out with Gentiles? Why was He wasting time on children?

The religious establishment was so entrenched in their systems that eventually they killed Jesus. They couldn't take Him upsetting their apple cart (or temple tables). Their devotion to their rituals blinded them to a new way to do things. Jesus's teachings were revolutionary only in the fact that they flew in the face of the rules and structures of the time. But they were always in agreement with the heart of The Law - "Love God, Love Others." Like Jesus said, "Love God with all your heart, mind, body, spirit. Love others as yourself." The whole of The Law distilled into those things. But the people had gotten so caught up in only walking one mile and not working on the Sabbath. They were so worried about keeping up with each individual rule they forgot the WHY behind it. Why were they not working on the Sabbath? Why were they supposed to give or pray or sacrifice?

Jesus got so angry at this. One of the times we saw Him get super angry was when they dragged a crippled man before Jesus to see if He would heal Him on the Sabbath - breaking the Law by "working" on a healing." Jesus got so ticked because they were so committed that to their rules that they didn't even care about this guy. He was a pawn, a tool. They weren't brokenhearted at this man's plight. They weren't happy he got healed. They weren't amazed at the miracle or demonstration of God's power. They were angry that Jesus showed them up. We saw this same battle time and again. It didn't stop after Jesus returned to Heaven either. After the Early Church started, the establishment found themselves fighting time and again with members who were asking "why" and weren't satisfied with the answer.

My great fear is that the modern Church is drifting into this same area. So many churches are so caught up in doing what they've always done that they are completely missing the fact that the world is dying all around them. The old programs are not reaching the new culture like they used to. The old way of doing things is not necessarily going to have the same results. I'm not calling for an abandonment of the core beliefs of the Church. I'm saying we need to to examine why we are sharing those beliefs the way we are. Again, we are becoming so attached to our rules and programs that we often are missing the core message of "Love God, Love Others." The Bible never told us to sing from a hymnal, have Sunday evening services, have AWANA, do Tuesday night visitation, set up a children's choir, go to youth camp, sit in pews, or have a giant building. None of those things are necessarily bad things. BUT, WHY are we doing those things? Is there a good reason? If so, then keep on going. If the answer is because that's the way we've always done it, well, that shouldn't cut it.

I think some churches have gone to the opposite extreme. They've jettisoned everything - even the important things. That is NOT what I am advocating. But, we need to start asking ourselves why we insist on certain things. Why is the offering put where it is in the order of worship? Why do you have an invitation? Or, why don't you ever have one? Why do you only do Communion twice a year? Why do you sing the first two verses of a hymn and then skip to the last? Why do you preach on tithing? Why do you use that particular Sunday School curriculum? If you ask that, and at the end decide things should stay the way they are, well you are even more steadfast in your stance. Good for you. But if you end up with because that's the way we've always done it, then pray and ask God if there is a better way.

Our final goal should be to increase God's Kingdom, lead more people to Him, share the transformative power of God's Good News, help people grow in their walk with Christ. The rest of that stuff is all trappings. It is ways to accomplish those goals. If we end up spending so much time and efforts on the programs, we'll miss the point. The reason all of this really hit home with me this week is that I am speaking at chapel on Friday at International Community School. This may be the last time I address the senior class there. They are very dear to my heart. When they were freshmen, the school made the questionable choice of letting me teach them Bible. I was terrified and in over my head. I thought about all the Bible classes I had taken over the years. And I knew that they were going to get some very solid teaching from my fellow Bible teacher, Greg Willson, that would make up for any stupidity I imparted. So, I approached the class with the simple question of "Why" hanging over everything. Why does it matter if we believe this? Why is this so important? Why did this happen the way it did? I wasn't so concerned about ramming home the exact order of the Israelite kings as I was asking why the desire to have a king was so significant. The kids had not really been forced to look at the Bible that way. [I can't take credit for this. My college Sunday School teacher, Jeff Kipi, did the same thing with us. It floored me. And it changed my life.] We have had a very special connection from that class onward. I love those guys and gals. And it is sad and thrilling to see them moving on. I see amazing potential in that group of students. They are the kinds of people who can change the world. That isn't going to happen by them resorting to because that's they way we've always done it. It is going to happen by them seeking and looking for new and better ways to do things. So, if one of these kids comes up to you and asks you why, go on the journey with them to figure that out. It may force you to change some things. It may even change you. And it will give you a better answer when someone asks you why.

Year Two: The Rise of Darth Fatso

2012-01-16T13:53:00.000-05:00

I posted this over on the Darth Fatso site, but I felt it belonged over here too.

It kind of snuck up on me, but today is two years since I started a process to change my life. When I began, I weighed 355 pounds and had absolutely no self-control when it came to me approach to food. I have tried to document my process on this blog. For the first year, I was pretty faithful. The second year, things became more spotty. Part of the reason was that it was maintenance. When I started, my goal was to lose 100 pounds in the first year - strictly by changing my food habits. I accomplished that. For my second year, I wanted to maintain that loss. I wanted to learn how to live this new way. I needed to explore what exactly I could and couldn't do. I really just wanted to maintain my weight and resolve. Year three I would move on to exercise. In year two, while I was largely successful, to say that I accomplished my goal would be stretching it.

First of all, the cold hard facts. I currently am 270. That is down a net of 85 pounds from this weekend in 2010. But, it is up 15 pounds from last year. For much of this year, I was able to stay in the 260-265 range. But the last few weeks, I found myself creeping up higher. My clothes have started to feel a little tighter, although hard for others to really notice. I have some shirts I don't like wearing. The belt has gone back one hole. I was hoping to rally right before I hit the second anniversary. But my efforts fell short. I know that lots of people would say encouraging things. "Look how far you've come." "You've still done a great job." "That isn't so bad." Those people mean well, but that is honestly what got me into trouble in the first place. We can always find people who will tell us we aren't so bad. And we can always compare ourselves to someone else and feel okay. For me, I can compare myself to that fat load of goo from 2010. Compared to HIM, I am fine. But if I compare myself to 2011 David, I am not fine.

What happened? I wouldn't go so far as to say I've relapsed. I can point to countless examples of where I am not even the same person I was then. But I can definitely say that I am not as disciplined, diligent, careful as I was. In some areas, I have gotten lazy. The image that comes to mind is that of an ancient walled city. There would be these walls all around their property. The purpose was to keep OUT invaders. There was a big deterrent there. Massive energy had to be exerted to breach those walls. You had to have equipment strong enough to take them down or enough manpower and resources to lay siege to the city. It largely was a pointless endeavor. Why would you go and attack some walled up, heavily defended city when there was some weak tailed undefended township up the road? Those walled cities did have vulnerabilities, though. If you eliminate the involvement of God and throngs of horn playing Israelites (Jericho), I would wager that the biggest threats to those cities came from within. You could have someone betray the city and allow invaders in, someone incompetent who forgot to lock the doors, or people who failed to keep the walls strong.

The problem with walls is that they don't only keep people out. They also trap their citizens IN. There were many times during this process where I felt like a prisoner. I felt trapped in my restrictions. And I hated it. I could understand that feeling being necessary for the first stretch. But twenty months in? It gets old, quite frankly. It sucks. I hated being the only one not eating pizza. It is a lousy feeling at a wedding watching everyone chug my favorite micro-brewed root beer while I have to be satisfied with water. I don't like it. I can see where a person in a walled city could be convinced their security isn't worth the trapped feeling. I also don't like the constant vigilance. It wears me out and it gets frustrating. That is the maintenance end. People in those cities had to constantly check the status of the walls. Time and weather and wind and animals and moss and grass all work together to slowly compromise those stone security options. If you don't keep a wary eye peeled, those walls can become useless as cracks and holes appear. This was where I really started to fail. Little decisions would lead to bigger issues. I didn't stop a bad choice, and it led to something worse.

Let me explain with a food example. One of the biggest food items I had to banish was bread. Bread was something that I just couldn't control at all. It was a part of some of my biggest problem foods. By getting rid of bread, I also eliminated subs, burgers, melts, pizza, calzone. It was an important and vital decision. No bread. For the most part, I have really stuck to that. But, here is how an erosion happens.

NO BREAD!
A friend asks, "What constitutes 'bread'?" A fair question. At first, the answer is everything that uses flour to make it. For the first stretch, I was draconian in my application of this rule.
What about cornbread? Well, it is more corn based. I never have liked cornbread very much. So maybe that will work. I found myself eating it too often, so I kicked it back out. But then I allowed it again.
Cornbread is okay. That means that whenever I go to 4 Rivers, I can get cornbread instead of their biscuits. At Jason's Deli, I can use their corn muffins on the chili. At Cracker Barrel, I can have the corn muffins. At Boston Market, I can have the cornbread. When I make chili for everyone and buy cornbread, I can have that too. It is amazing how often cornbread presents itself once you decide you can eat it.
What about battered objects? NO! They violate two major banned foods - bread and fried foods.
What about battered veggies? Like pickles or onions or zucchini? Would those be okay? Hmmmm. Okay, as a cheat fried pickles will be fine. Plus they are really hard to find. (Not really. I find them all over the place.) And onion rings will be okay, but not all the time. (Yes, all the time.) But no french fries. That is the line. Unless they are sweet potato fries. No white potato fries. That is the real line.
How about egg rolls? They are friend, but they are stuffed with cabbage and stuff. Plus they go great with your chicken and rice. No. Are you sure? Okay, fine. Especially when they are avocado egg rolls.
How about hush puppies? We already established that corn bread is okay. And fried stuff is sometimes okay. What about hush puppies? Are those okay? We'll allow them. No reason to be too legalistic, right?
Corn based products seem to have some more validity. As a correlation to this rule, it begin to affect my approach to chips. Whereas I had restricted myself to rice based chips, now I wonder if I can have corn chips. This especially applies to chips at Mexican restaurants. See, salsa and guacamole are great and things I can eat. But I need a delivery system. So I begin to allow myself to have those chips at Mexican places.
Have you ever been able to control yourself eating chips and salsa at a restaurant? Yeah, me neither. This now allows me to get chips, salsa, guac at any Mexican place. I still will almost always pick rice chips when they are available. But they are never around at a restaurant.
Since we are on the topic of chips, what about pita chips? That is the option when hummus is involved - another great allowable dip without a good delivery system. Well, how often are you really going to find pita chips? So those are okay.
Of course, some places give you just plain pitas with your hummus. Or flatbread. Those are okay too, since they are in the delivery of hummus. Which is healthy.
Since flatbread is okay, and gyro meat is also allowable. (I discovered how awesome Greek food is. It fit my diet perfectly until this bullet point.) So is hummus and tzatziki sauce (yogurt based). So, then are gyros okay when there aren't that many other great options? Sure. Why not.
So, let's take stock here. No bread, no chips. Except for cornbread, fried veggie products (except fries), egg rolls, hush puppies, corn chips, pita bread, pita chips, flatbread. (ummmmm)
So what about hard shell tacos? I mean, isn't it kind of ridiculous and hypocritical to allow chips with salsa and guac, but not the corn taco shells for tacos? It would make things so much easier to be able to order tacos than always to have to get fajitas and mix it all up on the plate. Okay, fine. Tacos are okay. But only hard shell!
What about pumpkin bread? That is not really around much of the year. Maybe this could be a cheat item? I'll allow it. But very warily so. [Note: this particular though process came up three times and all three times ended up with me with the equivalent of waking up in a storm grate with a pumpkin bread hangover. NOT smart.] Okay, so maybe not pumpkin bread.
Banana bread? See the above point.
What about crackers? I mean, crackers are so innocent. People recovering from vomit fits have crackers. Plus, they are a part of communion at church. How bad can they be? Hmmmm. Good point. We'll allow them for communion. (Yes, I actually had a conflict about taking the cracker at communion in that first year. I was hardcore.) And I guess they can be used once in a while.
Breaded and fried veggies are okay. What about fried and breaded chicken? Awww, heck no. That is a big no no in these parts. But it is so freaking annoying to only eat grilled chicken. And it is so hard to get that everywhere. Plus, it costs more. And it has smaller portion sizes. It would make things so much easier to allow it. Slowly, I allowed it. But I tried to limit it to only when there was not a legitimate other option. (Funny how loose that standard becomes.)
Keep in mind, that through all of this process, my weight has stayed around 260. So, since the weight hasn't gone up, I felt that my choices may have been okay.
Does that cracker clearance include Ritz Chips? They are just like Ritz crackers, but crispier. Plus they go great with that peanut butter yogurt dip. The judge will allow it. Now, go scarf a whole bag down on New Year's Eve.
How about tortillas? Absolutely not. Under no circumstance will tortillas be allowed. Whole wheat? Nope. Spinach? Nope. Ezekiel 23 mulit-grain high protein? Nope. No tortillas. Please? NO!
Okay, let's say all of you are at a burger place and they have a very limited menu and one thing you can have is a grillen chicken wrap. And they have loads of topping you can have (salsa, guac, roasted peppers), but they need to wrap it up. And they have a whole wheat option? How about then. We'll allow it . . . once.
Next day - What about burritos at Moe's? You can have everything inside of it. And they have whole wheat ones.
SCREEEEECH!!!

The car came to a major halt. Here was a major problem and I knew it. See where that process went? See where it ended up? I had allowed so much stuff that it was hard to keep any standards. And if I couldn't keep up with my rules by myself, how could I expect anyone else to? People already had a hard time following my logic from the outset. ("Wait, hot dogs are okay but not burgers? You can have BBQ but not whole wheat pasta?") Now when I was scrambling my own standards, when I would ask someone else what they thought, they had no idea what to say.

I ended up allowing myself cheats here and there. But no cheat ever stays a cheat. I know this. I can look at that list now and realize how insane the process was. But I never really examined it like that before. It was a gradual erosion. It took two years. But there I was, yesterday, trying to convince myself not to get a burrito - one of my clearly banned foods. (I didn't get it, if you were worried.) Once a cheat is allowed, my mind would revisit that to see if it really was a "one time deal" or if it could be incorporated again. My largest determining factor was the scale. As long as I kept things around 260, I was okay. I would have stayed at a net loss of 95 pounds. Who wouldn't be happy with that?

But then I started to question this logic. Was this really just a five pound fluctuation? Or was it the first year of a process of gaining five pounds every year? Would I sit there at the end of year three at 265? Then 270? Was I going to gain five pounds each year until I was back where I was? Isn't that how I got to 355 in the first place? It's the same thing that happened with my credit cards in the past. I had a student card I got my first week in college. It was one of those $500 limit cards. By the time I hit the wall with it years later - after virtually living off it for years - it was, let's say, NOT a $500 limit. I paid it off at one point. But a few years later, it was back up to the former limit again. I started to worry that I all I had done was reboot my weight so I could go back up. Of course, I punched myself in the brain and said shut up. I didn't want to have to get really strict again with myself. I had already done that. And I could look at all the victories and still believe I was fine.

There are many victories. I still have not had any pizza, pasta, lasagna, pie, subs, sandwiches, burgers. I can mostly say I haven't had any soda, ice cream, or cheese - although cheese has snuck into a very small number of items, I had one small cup of sugar free ice cream in December, and I have had a total of five sips of soda. I can honestly say I have held those two food at bay and kept them on the banned list. But I had cookies this Christmas. I had some cupcakes. You have seen my bread experience. I have chocolate and frozen yogurt all the time. So, while I have kept the spirit of my restrictions list alive, I have definitely had a field day violating the spirit of it. Honestly, if I evaluated myself today, I would have to say that my struggle is not a raging victory. Instead, I kind of feel like I'm playing Risk. And even though I still have small armies all over the place, I don't have strong reinforcements anywhere. I don't really control any complete continents. And a strong attack may just completely collapse my army.

Two major things brought me to that conclusion. The first was the fact that I was back up to 270 and it wasn't just a blip after a trip. It was there for a few days. That showed me there was trouble. The second thing was that I saw a good number of my friends doing something called a Daniel Fast on Facebook. From what I can gather, it is a thirty day fast where people try to follow Daniel's example with food. They aren't eating any processed food. They pretty much are banishing meats and rich foods. The goal is to teach self control and to focus on living a pure lifestyle. It is a noble thing to do. In the past two years, I have seen numerous friends go through efforts to lose weight and/or change their eating. I always have been very supportive, as the friend on the other side. Lately, though, I have felt some jealousy for them. I started to go with the whole "well they had more to lose" defense. And when I saw all these people doing the Daniel Fast, I started to hear that same mocking voice that used to reside in my head. I had largely banished that voice. But there it was, ridiculing what they were doing - trying to make me feel better about where I was. I found reasons to diminish their efforts. A lot of these people are at a church in Arkansas where a friend of mine is the Pastor. The church is going through this process as a whole. The thing is, we are doing a conference at that church in February. Instead of thinking of how to join with them in their work, I began to count on the calendar to make sure they were "over their stupid little food thing" by the time I got there.

What the heck is wrong with me? It hit me this morning full blast that I am in trouble. Sure, I can keep up the half-hearted efforts I am making. I could go through a little intense phase of a week or two to get myself back down to 260. Then I would feel better about myself and go back to what I was doing. I could just be more careful with the allowances. The thing I realized two years ago was that this wasn't about food. It was about my heart and my mind. I needed to change my life. Honestly, I don't want to do this again. I don't want to go back through this garbage. It sucks. It is a lousy situation. It is restricting and painful and uncomfortable. But, if I am really being honest, I am not happy where I am. I posted last week about how I felt that God was telling me that this year was the year for me to wake up. I think that applies to this effort. I've been sleepwalking through this. There is very little thought involved. When it comes to a questionable food choice, I used to err on the side of strictness. Now I err on the side of ease. How else can I explain eating a cupcake - let alone three cupcakes - at a Christmas party? How can I explain even considering ordering a burrito?

So, I guess that means that I need to go to Publix and get the things necessary for me to actually accomplish this. I need to fix the walls and pull the guides back in. There needs to be a strictness applied again. Some of those questionable food choices need to be revoked. Maybe some of those foods that got allowed in because they weren't seen as problems actually are. Maybe corn products are more of problem than I thought. I also do still want to add in exercise this year. I think it is time, as much as it terrifies me. In short, I need to realize that Darth Fatso is not dead. Just like George Lucas is going to resurrect Darth Maul this Spring in The Clone Wars show, I need to realize Darth Fatso was merely biding his time. And I must fight again. I've seen enough movies. I should have realized that villains never disappear after the first loss. That why sequels exist.

Awake

2012-01-09T11:30:00.002-05:00

When I was growing up, my mom told us that New Year's resolutions were largely pointless. Her reasoning was pretty sounds. For one, you probably aren't going to keep them. That would just lead to being frustrated. Second, if it was something that you really wanted to do, you shouldn't wait for an arbitrary "new year" to start doing it. If it needs done, be like old school Nike and just do it. So I have never been one to get too into resolutions. My weight loss efforts two years ago started on Martin Luther King weekend - not New Year's Day.

What my mom DID do was sit us down and tell us what the year's theme would be. "This year, our year is going to be The Year of Faith." I never quite understood all of that as a kid. How in the world do you know what the year is going to be before it starts? I can understand looking back and saying, "Man that year was The Year of Change!" But to say it in advance? I could understand a business or church stating their goals for the year in a theme that customers, staff, and members can hold on to. I've been a part of creating and implementing these things and they are very useful. I just didn't get it for a family. Well, until yesterday.

We were sitting in church in one of the most moving and powerful worship services I can remember. I have always found it interesting which church services end up being like that. Having served on church staff, I know the work and planning that goes into a service. And I know that there are times where the ministers are striving to create a certain atmosphere or emotion. They want to make it powerful and moving. But when God moves, it doesn't always fit our plans. I have been in youth camp services that by human logic should have been powerful and moving that just felt obviously orchestrated. I also have been in just regular services that ended up being life changing.

My favorite example of this was from my time in Tampa. The church was celebrating the senior pastor's fifth anniversary. We had put a lot of work into the service, complete with video and special music. It was all built up to the sermon, where the pastor would look back on the past five years and cast the vision for the next bold steps. Sandwiched in between was a simple song by our incredible worship pastor, Todd Stearns. I think it was during the offering time. Todd just was sitting at the piano and he sang Keith Green's classic "Lord, You're Beautiful." In the 8:00 service, everything went according to the order of worship that had been laid out. But in the 9:30 service, something happened. During Todd's song, the entire congregation felt it happen. It was like the Holy Spirit just filled the sanctuary. People started crying. No one really understood what happened or why. Todd's singing was passionate and beautiful as always - but, honestly, Todd walking through the halls and singing anything was beautiful. The Pastor took a moment and walked up on stage. He said, "Well, I guess we should just have the invitation." So they did. A dozen people got saved. Service was over. Strangest and most incredible thing I ever was a part of in my church life. During the 10:45 service, I was up running Collegiate Sunday School. We were talking about what had happened. Before noon, someone came up from the service. "It happened again." We all looked at them puzzled. "The same thing happened during Todd's song. Pastor didn't preach again. Ten people got saved." You don't forget stuff like that.

Anyway, yesterday were there at church and singing. Personally, I was especially moved by the music. It was beautiful and moving as always. But it just was ministering me more yesterday. I looked around a little and saw that my wife seemed to be similarly moved. So were our friends, the Gillises. I peeked up to the front row and noticed that Pastor Isaac was also singing in a different way. The music was more than just a bunch of people singing. It was like they were just pouring out the hearts in the words. The only way I can describe it is that it was like waves of passion crashing. The only way to control it was to sing louder and more powerful. (I guess it was a little glimpse of what Heaven will be like.) I remember hoping that there would be three songs and not just two. There were three. (YAY!) The third was "A Mighty Fortress is Our God." Yeah, I know, very typical choice for a contemporary service.

Isaac came up to speak. He was starting a new series on how God moves through bad circumstances - and how He moves even when His people aren't obeying and responding right. It is largely from the Old Testament. (I love O.T. sermons.) It was good stuff. But partway through the service, I had one of those moments where I felt like God was really speaking to me. "The theme for this year is AWAKE." Huh? "It's time to wake up. You're going to wake up. Your kids are going to wake up. Heather will wake up. Defender Ministries will wake up. Your mom will wake up. You've all be sleeping. It is time to wake up. This year it all wakes up." Ok. I spent most of the rest of the sermon mulling over that and wrapping my mind around it. The rest of the service was similarly wonderful and powerful and moving. The worship time at the end was another experience of pouring out my heart. It was just great. Heather wondered if we could sneak back in to the next service. That's always a good thing to think.

On our way to lunch, I talked to Heather about what I felt from the service. And then I explained it to the kids. Here I was, the parent, trying to get my kids to think about a theme for the year. It was strange to see life's roles changing. Here is how I explained it to them.

In the winter up north (not down here, obviously), as the weather gets colder, the plants start to wither up. The trees drop their leaves. The grass and plants disappear. Animals recede into caves for the winter. It is a time for sleep. It isn't that nothing happens, it just happens slower and more internally. We don't see the trees doing anything. We don't see the bears scampering around and roaring. Things are happening, it is jut in a quieter private way. It isn't necessarily bad. It is a part of life. It is a season. Personally, I have felt that way for a couple years. Part of it was due to my status in life. I needed to be home and with the kids. I didn't teach very often. I haven't regularly taught a Bible Study or Sunday School class for almost three years now. That is the longest stretch for me since I was in high school. But that was what was needed. It isn't to say nothing happened. I would argue that that stretch saw some of the biggest growth and change in my entire life. I just wasn't out there.

The same thing kind of happened with Defender Ministries. It has been in a forced stasis for years. I couldn't travel as much. I was hours away from the other people who supported it. It wasn't something that could really thrive. The economy severely hampered our ability to promote and develop ideas. Even when support did come in, it didn't always get directed the way we thought. And it wasn't something we could really rely on - as we painfully found out at times. But I couldn't really follow through on much anyway, since I was in Tallahassee and extremely limited on time. So the ministry had to go into a kind of sleep.

I can see signs of life all around. Personally, I can feel things stirring again. I am facilitating a Bible study group at our church. I am in the process of setting up my volunteer status with our the new jail ministry of the church. There is a desire to study and read again. With Defender, we have several events set up this year already - more than at any time in the past few years. I can even see a newfound desire with my kids to learn the Bible. Josiah is memorizing verses. Both he and Natalie are excited to go to church and learn. It is a pretty fun time.

I have no idea what this next year will bring. There is no way for any of us to know that. But I feel that it is time for me to become more active, to start to reach out and serve again. And it is in completely different ways. I have never been a part of a jail ministry; that never even has been something I was drawn to. But this time, I just knew I was supposed to get involved. Most of my ministry experience has been with college students and teens. Now it seems like I am being drawn more towards adults, and men in particular. I also find myself trying to encourage ministers and other people in similar situations as mine - going through life changes, role changes, struggling with addictions, losing weight. For a while, the biggest ministry I could have was writing to people. And that is still something I find myself doing. It is amazing how rarely people tell each other what they are really feeling. We are so guarded, we don't usually say the important stuff to each other. It is like people are so used to being unappreciated and only criticized they just light up when someone takes the time just to say thanks or to express how much they mean. So there are changes going on. And it is time for me to wake up and get busy. I often joke about how much I look like a bear. Now I get to act like one. The hibernation is over. I'm awake.

Next Iron Chef: Finale

2011-12-20T10:56:00.001-05:00

I'm in a giving mood this Christmas season. And I feel like giving you some blog posts. If you're interested in that kind of stuff, be looking for several posts on seasonal things, year end reviews, and Christmas thoughts. But first, I wanted to give my final thoughts on what was a tremendous season of Next Iron Chef.

At the very beginning, I picked Geoffrey Zakarian to win the contest. So, I had a major rooting interest in the finale. In addition, as I expressed in my last recap, I felt that Elizabeth Falkner was getting unfair advantages due to her being "just a pastry chef" and being "a woman." I know that reality shows - especially ones created to generate a new position within a network - are going to be somewhat rigged in favor of the demographic the network is desiring. The fact is that on Iron Chef America, there are no female Iron Chefs any more. I'm not sure what happened with Cat Cora, but she isn't pictured on the roster. Food Network would, naturally, want a female back in the lineup. And, watching the season, the females seemed to be getting advanced on less than their male counterparts. But, the problem came when it got down to the final five. Women had to be eliminated and it was impossible to keep them in without it being blatant.

I didn't think that Elizabeth Falkner should have been in the finale. Michael Chiarello was clearly the right choice to compete against Zakarian. Throughout the entire competition, those two were the top chefs. Now, Falkner was incredible. At times she was brilliant. But it always felt like she was being graded on a curve. Even in the finale, Bobby Flay made the "just a pastry chef" comment. At this point, that shouldn't matter.

If you watched the show, this next summary was said about fifty times. But it came down to technical mastery (Zakarian) against creativity (Falkner). That isn't to say that Zakarian isn't creative or Falkner isn't technical gifted. Both chefs are insanely good. But it really did come down to the fact that Zakarian is a technical master and Falkner is one of the most creative chefs I have ever seen in these contests. This kind of conflict made it very tough to decide who should win. Both chefs did an extraordinary job. They had to create a holiday feast and both of them crafted something truly amazing. So, what do you pick?

Michael Symon and Bobby Flay are brilliant judges in addition to being great chefs. In the finale, they both made some extremely insightful comment that really distilled the challenge of who to pick. Symon said that Zakarian is really a chef at the top of his game, his peak. Falkner is just scratching the surface of how great she can be. The flip version of that is Zakarian is older and there is nowhere to go be down and that Falkner is still somewhat inexperienced. We see the same battle in an NFL team when choosing a quarterback. Do you pick someone like Peyton Manning (before the injury) or Tom Brady who are technical masters and absolutely brilliant RIGHT NOW - but who will be sliding down the charts before too long? Or do you pick someone like Andrew Luck or Andy Dalton who has tremendous upside - but who will make some mistakes over the next few years? If you take the older master, you get to enjoy their brilliance without suffering through the learning process - but their shelf life is shorter. If you take the new superstar, you put up with a few years of rocky performance - but you get to enjoy their ENTIRE career of brilliance, once they get there.

Flay's good comment came when assessing the range of skills the two chefs offered. He said that Zakarian is at the absolute top of what he does. But with Falkner, she probably does MORE things and gives a wider range of skills - due to her pastry background. But she doesn't do those things as well as Zakarian. This seemed to be the prevailing opinion with the judges. As they went around, they were asked to give their favorite single dish of the showdown. They all said Falkner's cranberry sorbet dish. Then they were asked who made the better meal. All of them said Zakarian. This really was a picture of the competition as a whole. Falkner's highs were higher. But the consistency was all Zakarian. He never really DESERVED to be in the bottom two. Once he got thrown in there due to a rule technicality. Once it was dirty pool by Anne Burrell. The judges never really had anything bad to say about his dishes the entire time. In fact, the first really negative comments he got were from one judge about one meat dish in the finale. But Falkner made several dishes that were just ridiculously good.

I think that if you broke down the finale, it was really even. At first they were supposed to make three dishes. Then the Chairman threw two more dishes and a cocktail at them. So they had to make five total dishes and a drink. The reviews were pretty even - lost of positives, very few negatives. In a real twist, Falkner won the "main course" over Zakarian. His restaurant specialize in meat dishes. But her Beef Wellington seemed to be better than his "gifts" of beef and vegetables. I think something very telling was the dessert round. Falkner was naturally brilliant. She made a chocolate cake with peppermint snow and peppermint ice cream. This should have been where she blew Zakarian away. If he had done a passable dessert, he would have lost. But he came up with a buttermilk and peppermint ice cream thingee that wowed the judges (except one). I think that gave him enough leverage that he didn't fall too far behind in her expert area.

In the end, I was seriously worried that Falkner was going to win. As I was watching with Heather, I told her as much. "I really think Falkner is going to win. Oh well, I just won't watch her episodes like I didn't watch Cat Cora." It isn't because they were women. It was because I hardly ever wanted to eat anything they made. They weren't relatable. Conversely, when Zakarian was presenting his food, Heather said to me, "I want to eat everything he makes." We have actually talked about the fact that we will have to make sure we visit his restaurants when we finally get to go to NYC together. That is the way I feel about Bobby Flay. That is how I fell about Michael Symon. And Guy Fieri. I want to eat their food. (And having eaten at Flay's Mesa Grill, I can attest that his food is absolutely amazing.) I felt that way every week about Zakarian. I rarely felt that way about Falkner.

When the results came in, Zakarian's picture was hanging on the wall as The Next Iron Chef. I felt bad for Falkner. She had put up a tremendous effort. I was very impressed with her skills and resourcefulness. But I had a hard time warming up to her, which is not a good quality for a network chef. [On a side note, during the finale the Food Network announced a poll for viewers to vote on which Next Iron Chef contestants should get a shot at redemption. Is this next year's theme? I hope so. I can only imagine Falkner, Anne Burrell, and last year's loser Marco Canora will be a part. Sound great already.] All in all, I thought the season was amazing. The cooking was out of this world. And it was fun to see these personalities that are all over the Food Network actually demonstrating WHY they are all over the network. I look forward to Zakarian's first battle this Sunday. Thanks to all for putting up with my thoughts on the series.

2011 in Review: The Year Sports Imploded

2011-12-10T13:43:00.001-05:00

In the coming weeks, you will be inundated with Year in Review posts from every self-obsessed blogger out there, as well as every news, entertainment, and sports site. So, far be it from me to avoid jumping on the bandwagon. My seven followers demand no less. I have always been a sucker for Year in Review stuff. It was a fun way to go back through and revisit events and remember where I was. Now that I am older, I often forget what happens on a day to day basis, let alone stuff that went on back in February. So these recaps are useful for me. "The Royal Wedding II was THIS year? Man it seems like forever ago."

As I go through these posts, though, I want to do something different than just a recap. I am not qualified enough to give a thorough rundown of the importance of events. And I am biased. Things that don't interest me would not be included - even if the rest of the world think they are important. Looking at Yahoo!'s top news stories of the year, they had the Casey Anthony trial and the death of Amy Winehouse. Those may have been notable - but I never would have listed those. I also don't know how many of these I'll do. It's like Christmas - surprises around every turn.

I'm going to start with sports. Again, I don't plan on just recapping who won the different titles. If it isn't my teams (it's never my teams) then I really could care less once the event is over. I had to think for a minute to even remember who the title winners were this year. Instead, I want to look at how sports in general progressed (or regressed . . . mainly regressed) in my view. This year will be forever remembered (by me) as the year the sports world lost its collective mind. It also will be the year that, for the first time, my affection for sports was smaller than my disdain for sports. If I were being polled on if I viewed sports favorably or unfavorably, it is definitely unfavorably. Here are some of the biggest reasons.

NBA LOCKOUT: Personally, I was more irritated by the NFL labor situation than the NBA one. But I am putting them in this order so that I can highlight some points. The NBA lockout was frustrating on many levels. The biggest is no matter how noble some of the points were, the basic concept of millionaires fighting with billionaires over money still is hard for most Americans to stomach. But it didn't affect me that much. I don't usually watch basketball until the All Star break anyway. I'm too busy with football. So the NBA starting late didn't bother me. And the reasons FOR the lockout were somewhat understandable: player salaries are out of control, there needs to be some level of revenue sharing, fans of small teams need some hope. So I could see that and realize something needed to be done. What I hate about these labor situations, though, is that the people who get hurt the most aren't the players or owners. They are the complementary industry people. Living in Orlando, I was made more aware of stuff like this. The city paid a LOT of money to open a new arena for the Magic. There are tons of companies whose existence are completely dependent on the Magic playing. The city itself was counting on the All Star game. It was awarded because of the new arena. And it was constantly threatened. People lost their income; some lost their jobs. And for what? At the end of the day, nothing seemed to change. Immediately after the new agreement was signed, owners started overpaying players, players in small markets started manipulating the new rules to escape to big cities, and the teams took the opportunity to cut staff. The Magic had promised they would not cut positions during the lockout. Immediately after the agreement was reached, the team laid off twenty employees and eliminated twelve seasonal positions that had not been opened yet this year. Good job, guys.

NFL LOCKOUT: Basically, take the offensiveness of the NBA lockout, remove the legitimate concerns. There's the NFL lockout. Where the NBA one at least was somewhat about reconstructing a flawed system, the NFL was purely about money. It was two sets of extremely wealthy individuals fighting over EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS. Bill Simmons likened to Scarface, with the giant pile of coke on the table. Except with this lockout it was a gigantic pile of dollar bills - and there was a gang war over who got the most. Yes, there were some peripheral issues that were addressed. But those could have been dealt with during a conference call or small meeting. The lockout was strictly money. I don't know about you, but that is extremely hard for me to accept. The cities are the ones who built the stadiums, who provide the fans, who create the secondary companies. And they are basically told to shut up and sit on the sidelines while the money is split up. Lots of people have already forgotten the lockout and moved on. I'm not like that. I never really was interested in baseball after their last labor problem. I can still enjoy a game, but I never have been as invested in. I have a feeling this lockout (along with #8) will have a similar effect on me. I rarely check my fantasy lineups. I only watch games when I'm with my in-laws. That's pretty bad for a guy whose favorite sport (by far) is football.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL SCANDALS: It seems like scandals have ben a part of college sports for as long as I can remember. I very clearly recall SMU getting the "death penalty" in football back in the 1980s. I remember when Florida won the SEC and couldn't take the title. But this past year seems like it was one of the worst I can remember - not even including #4. Ohio State sent Jim Tressel packing due to coverups. USC can't play in a bowl game from numerous issues. Miami penalized themselves to try to avoid bigger sanctions. Heisman Trophy winner Cam Newton was surrounded with controversy as he won the national title. The national title game was jokingly referred to as the battle for which team would earn the right to forfeit the title in five years. Even my beloved UCF was caught up in recruiting violations all over the place. Throw in the inappropriate behavior by the Fiesta Bowl officials and the questionable movements by lying head coaches and you have a for a very rotten system. Of course, that all pales in comparison to the next point.

PENN STATE and SYRACUSE SCANDALS: I wrote about the Penn State Jerry Sandusky scandal when it first surfaced. And it just seems to get worse. That is coupled by the accusations that emerged about the Syracuse men's basketball program. Both schools have many similarities - a small city that is completely wrapped up with the university in question, a long time head coach who seems to transcend other authorities in the area, a long time assistant coach who has almost as much power as the head coach and is shielded by the head coach. Both are heinous. Due to the scope and detail of the Penn State case, it is worse. It seems like just the tip of the iceberg has been discovered, too. What happened to that D.A. who was investigating and disappeared? How in the world can Sandusky be so adamant about his innocence? How many more kids will come forward? These were two of the "good programs" in college sports. They didn't deal with the scandals and the negative garbage - or so it seemed. Instead they were hiding horrific secrets.

NBA PLAYER MOVEMENT: One of the biggest stories of last year was LeBron James stringing along the people of Cleveland (and New York) before bolting to Miami to join Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh to form a "super team." One of the biggest stories of this year was James choking the Finals as the Heat lost to the Mavericks for the NBA title. At least, that is the story to average people. To NBA stars, it showed that James' plan to bolt and partner with his buddies instead of making a career in one city worked. Remember, this was the FIRST YEAR in Miami. They didn't even figure out how to make all those egos work until half way through the year. They will probably run roughshod over the league this year, now that they have had time to work together. It was like the floodgates opened. Now, big shot players started to force their owners' hands to allow them to leave for bigger markets. Carmelo Anthony held Denver hostage until they sent him to New York to partner with Amare Stoudemire. Deron Williams did the same thing in Utah, ending up in New Jersey. So, one of the big sticking points in the NBA lockout was finding a way to keep these big name players tied to their teams - even if it was in a small market. So, what happened? The agents had figured out a way to circumvent the process before it was even started. A player could sign for far more money with their current team than any other in free agency. So, instead of playing out their contract, now these players are forcing trades a year early so they can resign with their dream team. It is dirty pool. Chris Paul did it the Hornets. Then David Stern went completely bananas and voided the trade with NO GOOD CAUSE. It was perfectly legal. Stern was just ticked that the players were able to go around the rules so fast. Now Dwight Howard is about to do it Orlando. These guys all want to team up and, in effect, create a handful of "super teams." You'll have superstar jammed teams in Boston, Miami, Chicago, L.A., New York (which includes the Nets now). Then the other teams will basically be the farm system to the big teams. It is going to turn into baseball. The small teams draft and develop talent, get a few years out of those players, and watch them leave to win titles. As a Magic fan, I detest this. I know all the fans of big teams love it. Yet another reason to not care a whit about basketball.

MLB PLAYER MOVEMENT: For years, I have hated how the Yankees, Red Sox, Angels, and Phillies poach big name free agents from the smaller teams. I have learned to really like the Tampa Bay Rays. They play in a division with the two richest, most loaded teams in the sport. Yet, they still make the playoffs on a regular basis. They have a payroll that is a third as big as the Red Sox, but they eliminated Boston from the playoffs last year. The problem is, they can't keep up. The Rays had an amazing team a few years back - one that easily could have won a World Series if it had five years to play together. But they got one shot. Then they got poached. The thing is, those players that flee for bigger paychecks seem to be disappointing more often than not. Take Carl Crawford. On Tampa he was the big dog - making all the right plays. He was a legend. In Boston, he's getting booed. He's just another overpaid player who isn't reaching the impossible to reach expectations. It is the perpetual question for these superstar athletes. If they stay with their original team, they will become legendary. But they will probably leave money on the table and may only win one title (or they may never win one). If they leave, they COULD become one of the biggest stars ever. Chances are they won't, but they will at least be rich. Look at A-Rod. If he had stayed in Seattle his whole career, he would have been seen as the greatest of all time. He probably would have one ring at the end. Now, though, he is seen as the flagship example of the overpaid athlete. He's widely mocked and ridiculed. He still could be the greatest of all time, but no one likes him. And he still has just one ring. My hope had been that things would be different with Albert Pujols. He was so synonymous with the Cardinals. He is such a nice guy and good model. I hoped he would be willing to buck the trend. Instead, he listened to his horrible jerk agent (seriously, go read about that guy) and signed with the Angels. Now he's just another big name on a big team. Another owner trying to outspend the rest for a title. Pujols will be richer. But he'll never be as loved or legendary as if he had stayed.

COLLEGE CONFERENCE INSANITY: Boise State is in the Big East. That is all you really need to know to understand just how stupid this whole conference realignment process has been. It was a mad scramble to consolidate power. No one wanted to be left out of the big money. And, like with the lockouts, no one wanted to share. The big teams don't want to see other teams develop and enter their ranks. They want to keep the other teams down. If big schools had their way, they would pare down their own conferences and just have a mega conference with only the elite schools. Instead, we had a massive reshuffling of the deck. Syracuse and Pitt are in the ACC? Nebraska is in the Big 10? Colorado is in the Pac 12? Rivalries, histories, allegiances. All of those went out the window. All that mattered was getting a piece of the pie. Texas and Texas A&M aren't in the same conference any more. Neither are Nebraska and Colorado. Then the Big East, the weakest and most vulnerable of the BCS conferences, had to find some way to survive. So they pulled in two Texas teams, one California team, probably one Colorado team, and Boise State. It was all about getting Boise State. And for the Broncos - the team with the best record in the nation over the last five years - they got tired of watching the big paydays from their dorm rooms. So they needed a seat. As a UCF fan, I'm not going to lie and say I'm not excited to be in the Big East. I will now get to see a real rivalry with USF develop. I will be able to watch some of the best college basketball teams in my own backyard. And I'll have the chance to watch the incredible Boise State Broncos play my Knights. I just hate the machinations that happened to get things there. And I realize that for those teams left on the outside looking in, their hope to ever play for something significant is basically dead.

FOOTBALL CONCUSSION PROBLEMS: The concussion issue has been bubbling at the surface for a few years now. The studies have been out there. The arguments have been starting. But it seems like in 2011, things accelerated. The NFL had enacted measures last year to try to avoid concussions and help players who had suffered them. But this year we watched as players who obviously had experienced a head trauma go back into the game. We saw multiple retired players die unexpectedly and under suspicious circumstances. We also saw college and (especially) high school players get seriously hurt - or even die - from head injuries. Football has become a sport that is on the verge of improving itself to death. The rules that were enacted decades ago do not take into account how fast and strong modern players have become. The human body is not built to take that much damage. And if we see athletes from the 80s dying due to complications from head injuries, how much worse is it going to be with modern players? (The same thing goes for professional wrestling. How many wrestlers have to die in their 40s or start to act completely irrationally before we realize there is a serious problem?) I have not been able to enjoy football anywhere near as much since I started reading about concussions. And with every story like Dave Duerson's, I get detached a little bit more.

There were some great sports moments. But it seemed like this year had more than its share of negative ones: Dan Whedon dying in a wreck and the Oklahoma State coaches dying in a plane crash, the idiotic riots in Vancouver when they lost the Stanley Cup, the attack by Dodger fans on the Giants fan. It used to be that sports was an escape from the ugliness of the news. Instead, it has become just another source of disappointment and stuff I don't want my kids to hear or see. And I am less and less interested in it. I think there is a larger divide between sports and the common person. I can't relate. I don't understand why it is necessary to squeeze every dollar out of a contract. Isn't $220 million enough? Why does it have to be $250 million? I don't see how it benefits colleges to screw over other colleges. I can't understand how you can turn a blind eye to children being abused or players knowingly getting seriously hurt or your own employees suffering. There are certain qualities I find important in my own life. And I find that those are less and less represented in the world of sports. I know there are people out there who will cry, "You are so old fashioned! You can't impose your values on other people! Wouldn't you take a higher paying job if you could?!?" I am old fashioned. I miss being able to cheer for a player and know they will spend their career with one team. I believe in loyalty. I have taken less money (or no money) to work at a place I believed in. More than anything, I guess my love affair with sports has ended because we just grew apart - like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries did. Sports and I don't want the same things. We have irreconcilable differences. It has been this way for a while. I suppose this year was the one where I couldn't take it any more. Sports just went too far. It wasn't one moment; it was a lot of moments. That's what I'll remember about 2011 when I think of sports. It was the year it went nuts.

Next Iron Chef: Final Four

2011-12-07T10:57:00.001-05:00

I made sure that I didn't allow myself to write weekly recaps for Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs - even though I wanted to. The series has solidified itself as one of my favorites during this fall season. It has more drama than most shows on network television. And some of it is funnier than any sitcom. And, the way the judges blather on about the food, it is like some sort of romance.... That's just weird. Anyway. Let's really quick run a comparison of my picks to how things have panned out:

MY PICKS

Geoffrey Zakarian
Robert Irvine
Anne Burrell
Marcus Samuelsson
Michael Chiarello
Alex Guarnaschelli
Elizabeth Falkner
Beau MacMillan
Chuck Hughes
Spike Mendelsohn

ACTUAL RESULTS

???
???
???
???
Anne Burrell
Marcus Samuelsson
Beau MacMillan
Chuck Hughes
Robert Irvine
Spike Mendelsohn

Yeah, I haven't done so well. Only one of my final four is still left. The thing about this show is that the level of cooking is so insane that on Sunday a guy almost got eliminated because he put powdered sugar on a souffle and one judge didn't like it. Alton Brown (in a rare moment of non self aggrandizing clarity) asked him, "Are you seriously prepared to eliminate someone because you didn't like the fact they used a dusting of powdered sugar?!?" The judge replied that in this competition something like that could actually send someone home. And the crazy thing is that he's right. So far, no one has had that classic train wreck day where they completely bombed something and got booted. Every elimination was extremely difficult. Anne Burrell summed it up best on her way out this week. "Usually it is whoever sucks less stays. But in this it has been who is less excellent." I have a couple of observations before I do a quick evaluation of the remaining chefs.

Food Network is NOT rigging this competition. My rankings were based partly on the cynical opinion that the Network was directing the judges (at least somewhat). They were worried that an early exit could hurt the legitimacy of one of their "face" judges. Or they were trying to push someone into a higher level of notoriety. Or that they were going to favor their own chefs over Top Chef contestants. All of those were wrong. One of the biggest faces of Food Network went out in the second show. One of the biggest Top Chef contestants is still left - and probably the favorite at this point. Aside from the slightly annoying way that the females have gotten more breaks, the show has been surprising fair.
The Females Have Gotten More Breaks. At the halfway point, Anne Burrell noted that all the ladies were left in the competition and none had been in the bottom two. Sadly, that isn't because they have done the best. It seems like Food Network would REALLY love to have a second female Iron Chef. Personally, I think Guarnaschelli should have been out a couple weeks ago. And Falkner should have followed her out. But they are still here. And, at this point, they have as good of a shot as anyone - if not better.
I Was Really Wrong About Beau MacMillan. When I first reviewed this show, I commented on how I didn't like Beau. I thought he was arrogant and wished he went home early. Well, I was wrong on that. When he finally got eliminated, the judges all looked at each other and said how incredibly nice he was and how they hated to send him home. And it was obvious on the show. He was the most gracious of the contestants. And his cooking was great. It made me think that the reason he was SO bad on Worst Cooks in America was because it was so against his character, instead of because he was just bad on camera or a pompous turd.
These Chefs Can Really Cook. Sometimes you have to wonder just how good a television chef is. Are they really THAT amazing? Or is it the huge test kitchen, the sous chefs, the infinite budget that makes them great. That is one of the great things about this show - and shows like Iron Chef. After watching Bobby Flay for years on Iron Chef and Throwdown (and eating at Mesa Grill twice in Vegas), there is no doubt this dude can cook. Some of these celebrity chefs or tv judges - we've never seen them do anything. So to see them on a show like this? It shows you just how talented they are. Geoffrey Zakarian is the best example of this. For years on Chopped and 24 Hour Restaurant Battle, he was just this older judge. Who the heck is this guy? Then he competed on Celebrity Chopped and destroyed people. The other chefs were terrified of him. Then he gets on this show and has been heads and tails above the others - when it comes to technique and flavors. Similar story with Michael Chiarello. It makes you realize just how these chefs got to where they are.
Very Talented People are Often Arrogant Jerks. I hate listening to some of the arrogant comments coming out of these contestants' mouths, though. Anne Burrell has always been like that. It is part of her, uh, "charm." I hate it. I have no doubt it my mind she is a crazy good chef. But I hate her arrogance. On this past episode, she had the chance to put one chef into the elimination round. She was rude about every dish she tasted - far more critical than the real judges. (Falkner wondered if her taste buds were compromised from having just cooked three dishes with sardines. Good question, in retrospect.) Then SHE got voted into the elimination round and was sent home. She had her arms crossed, had a rude look on her face the whole evaluation time, was very ungracious upon elimination. It made me glad she was out. I know that talent and arrogance often go hand in hand. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

Okay, so there are just four chefs left: Geoffrey Zakarian, Michael Chiarello, Alex Guarnaschelli, and Elizabeth Falkner. And I think two get eliminated this week, which will set us up for the final. Below is my scouting report on the last four. I'm going to include their highlight moment, what could send them home, and their odds on winning. Of course, remember I didn't do so great predicting. So don't blame me if you lose all your money betting on them in Vegas.

Michael Chiarello It is hard to decide what his best moment has been. So far, he has been in the bottom two only once. In that episode he made handmade pasta and a pesto using peanuts. In thirty minutes. The other chefs were incredulous. Then on Sunday he made a lobster risotto. In twenty-five minutes. Risotto takes forty-five minutes. He did it in almost half that time. I don't know how. Maybe he has a time turner. He doesn't have a lot of flaws. His biggest problem is that he does not listen to criticism AT ALL. But, he doesn't get criticized a lot. It is hard to see what he will do to get eliminated. Odds: 2 to 1
Elizabeth Falkner She is a pastry chef, the underdog, underestimated by the others. We know this because she says it EVERY EPISODE. Frankly, I'm tired of her schtick. And so are the other competitors. She has made exemplary food. BUT, it always seems to be more highly rated because "she's just a pastry chef." It is like the judges are impressed, but more so due to her background. That's not to say she doesn't do hard stuff and do it well. Burrell made the comment, "She's made three ice creams and a souffle. When is she going to make some real food?" If the judges pick up on this, that could (and should) derail her. But they seem to be oblivious so far, and blinded by her ability to do things outside of her comfort range - even when they aren't. [Good example. Sunday, she made a tuna jerky souffle. (yeah, gross) It was superb. She got raves, again partly because "she's just a pastry chef." Zakarian did some amazing, intricate, wonderful beef dish and it was like, "Well he runs a steakhouse. Of course he did it well." And then when he made a souffle for the elimination, no one made a big deal about his ability to make such a great dessert when "he's just a steak guy."] Odds: 4 to 1
Alex Guarnaschelli She's good. (Her sausage and peppers meal at the ballpark was phenomenal.) And she's lucky. And she the judges cut her too much slack. Every time she has botched her meal (at least three), someone else botched theirs worse. Or one element of hers was so good that it made up for the one that wasn't. She's never been in the bottom two - and if she was, I think she would lose. She gets panicky very quickly if something goes wrong and overwhelmed, but somehow finishes. If she was to have two things go wrong, she would crack. And with such a small set of contestants, it won't be as easy to hide her mistakes. She would have been in the bottom two last week and probably gone home, if it wasn't for the fact that one spot was filled by Burrell's pick. Like I said - lucky. You can look at that two ways. One, luck runs out. Two, a run to a championship usually involves a little luck. Odds: 7 to 1
Geoffrey Zakarian If this was a straight up cooking competition, he would have already won. The other chefs would have quit. Michael Symon said this the other day. "Your technique is so consistently good that it makes me hate you sometimes." He has never really misstepped on a meal. Any grievances were tiny - and should have been dwarfed by other major miscues of other chefs. Yet, somehow, he has been in the bottom two three times. I think two things can derail him. First, things come so easily to him that there isn't a "Wow Factor" for him. Falkner impresses by being outside of her comfort zone. To Zakarian, everything is in his comfort zone. So they blow his errors out of proportion and minimize his successes. Second, he doesn't follow the rules. When they say, "Make one dish" he makes three. When they put their goofy rules on a competition, if he doesn't like them, he doesn't do them. He came the closest to elimination on the ballpark challenge because he refused to make ballpark food. I can totally see him getting kicked out because he is stubborn. And too good for his own good. Odds: 3 to 1

Florida's Bowling Gutter Ball

2011-12-06T09:31:00.001-05:00

What in the world has happened to college football in the state of Florida? Once upon a time, there were three college football programs in the state that routinely challenged for the national title. Then there was a boom of secondary programs that made waves and ended up in bowls at the end of the year. But this year, well, this year is pathetic.
You have just three state schools in a bowl - UF, FSU, and FIU. But that doesn't fairly represent the situation. UF ended up 6-6, barely finishing bowl eligible. They got a New Year's Day bowl bid. But it was Jacksonville's Gator Bowl - and the possibility of filling the stadium with swarms of local fans combined with the tasty Ohio State matchup (Urban Meyer's former and future teams) was too much to pass up. FSU is the Champs Bowl in Orlando against Notre Dame (another matchup that looks better due to history than to this year's performance). And FIU... Let's be honest no one cares about FIU. They had the best record of any team in the state. But I don't know anyone who gives a rip about them.

How did things fall so badly? How did we get from national championships to barely .500? This year was even more insulting because hopes started out so high. FSU was nationally ranked. UCF was predicted by some to run the table and challenge for a "real bowl" bid. UF is UF, so they were expected to do well. There were some promising players that showed flashes of brilliance last year. You would think they would develop this year into something more special. BJ Daniels, Jeffrey Godfrey, EJ Manuel. All three of them seemingly regressed, rather than advanced in their development. (Godfrey got benched by the end of the year and is now considering transferring, unhappy that he has to compete for the starting job again.) What went wrong?

Florida is blessed with an embarrassment of riches when it comes to high school and college football. I would argue that Florida has the best high school football in the country. At the very least it is on par with the other big states (Texas, California). In addition, the colleges here have the reputation to also pull from other states like Georgia and Illinois and Alabama. There is a consistent pipeline of talent to keep the big colleges full. However, with the emergence of other schools, that pipeline is now diverted into other rosters.

It used to be that the best players would go to UF, FSU, and UM - with a few of the stars getting pilfered by Michigan State or Ohio State or Georgia. These were the four and five star high school athletes. After that class, you had the two and three star guys. Now, they would also sign with UF, FSU, and UM to be backups. There was always a chance that there would be an injury to a starter or academic problems. Or these kids would bulk up and get better with better training and coaching. So, by their junior and senior year, they would be in line for a starting spot - or at least good playing time. The general mindset was that it was better to be second or third string at UF than starting at UCF.

As these secondary schools (UCF, USF, FIU, FAU) grew their programs that mindset started to change. For a kid looking at schools, it wasn't so cut and dry any more. You didn't have to be a Gator or a Nole to get national exposure. UCF plays on some ESPN station four times a year. Thanks to the Conference USA's willingness to play on Thursdays and Fridays, their colleges are on national television for half the season. As a UCF fan, I was able to watch every one of their games on tv this year. Four of those games were on Brighthouse Television (since they are the sponsor of the UCF stadium). But the rest were on ESPN and CBS Sports. The same goes for USF and FIU and FAU. They get national exposure. In addition, USF has crashed the national polls several times in the last few years. They knocked off some big name teams (FSU, Notre Dame). They got lots of airplay. And, all four of those schools have received bowl bids. (USF was in seven bowls straight before this year.) The playing field wasn't so different now.

Some of those two and three star athletes started to think differently about that old belief. It may NOT be better to be a backup at a BCS school. You started to see guys like Godfrey and Daniels sign at other places than you might have expected. Daniels was from Tallahassee. His lifelong goal was to play for FSU. But there he was as a freshman, knocking FSU off while wearing the Green and Gold of USF. Daniels was a lock for UM. They payed some good hookers to make sure of that. Instead, he went to UCF and started as a freshman. For those guys, the opportunities were better at a slightly smaller program. They still would get national exposure, get bowl game experience, have an outside shot at the pros. And they wouldn't have to wait until their junior year to get it.

So here's where you see the first issue - the dilution of talent. UF, FSU, and UM don't have a stranglehold on recruiting any more. The massive talent pool is being spread out to seven schools instead of three. That obviously is going to affect things. Sure, the big guys are still getting amazing recruiting classes. They still are pulling in tons of big name kids. The problem is that they aren't getting the high quality backups. My friend Eddie, who is a major Gator fan and understand sports way better than me, once explained the different between UF and UCF baseball to me. He said that in college baseball, pitching is the key. UCF's first and second pitchers can match up with the 1/2 guys anywhere in the country. The problem is that UF's 3-5 guys are also as good as UCF's 1/2 guys. UCF's 3-5 guys are where the problem comes. So UCF can win those regular season games against UM and UF because they are 1 vs 1 or 1 vs 5 with pitchers. But in the playoffs, when the depth matters, UCF always gets drummed out. (It has proven true every year.)

That same thing can be applied to football. UCF and the others can always make a go at it when it is starters vs. starters. You add in the fact that to a team like UCF, playing a BCS team is the biggest game of the season - and to that BCS team, UCF is just a speed bump to the "real" games. So UCF will be amped up and prepared and the other team won't be. So in the first half, UCF will stay tight and play hard and may even lead at halftime. But as the emotional high wears down, and the depth begins to be the more important element, the big name school pulls away. This happened so many times over the years that I could almost plot out the moments when each step would happen. I watched UCF "play tough" against Nebraska, Georgia, FSU, Auburn, Virginia Tech, South Carolina and then ultimately lose. Sure, they would sneak a win out against a big team when they were horrible (like Alabama in 1999). But those big teams' depth would win out.

Lately, that hasn't happened. USF doesn't wilt in the second half. UCF doesn't always let the win slip away. They beat the big teams more often. In fact, they have problems winning the games they should win. USF has no problem knocking off a top 25 team. It is Rutgers and Cincinnati they can't beat. UCF loses stupid games to Southern Miss and FIU - after they destroy Boston College. You also see where UF, FSU, and UM doesn't have the depth they used to have any more. They still have fabulous NFL-ready starters. But when an injury happens, the cupboard is bare down the depth chart. This was UF's big issue this year. I think they started a ball boy at quarterback one game. The talent is more distributed.

But there are two other major issues, as I see it. The first of those kind of mimics what was going on in the NBA a few years ago. They had so many players jumping straight to the pros from high school that the league was suffering. These kids have the talent to play in the NBA, but they don't have the strength, the discipline, the full body of skills. If they would have gone to college, some coach would have developed that stuff. Or they would have flamed out like so many playground legends before them. The college level either enhanced what was there or exposed it. When you took a player like Kwame Brown and threw him right into the pros, he flamed out. Why? Well, he probably shouldn't have been there. If he had gone to college, he would have either gotten more coaching and training and entered the league as a better player. Or he would have never been drafted because people would have realized he sucked. (I voted for the second.) Instead, he got into the league too early, had too many expectations on him, and bombed. Yes, you are going to have some freaks like LeBron and Dwight Howard and Kobe who can make the jump and immediately be an All-Star at 18. But you also have a lot of guys like Tyson Chandler and Sebastian Telfair who could have used more development. And a lot of those players never were the same without that.

I think the same thing is happening with some of these guys like Godfrey and Daniels. In the old days, they would have gone to FSU and UM and sat the bench for two years. They would have learned, bulked up, gotten coached. And then when they got their chance, they would have been ready for it. Or they never would have because they were actually head cases and the coach realized that. Instead, they went to a school where they could start right away. Their insane talent made them successes. When they made stupid mistakes, it was written off to "they are a true freshman and still learning." But, in their second year, they still made a lot of stupid mistakes. Opposing defenses were more prepared for them. And the weight of expectations made them buckle. I think with both players they never should have been starting. They weren't ready. They still thought like a high schooler - improvising, relying on talent and dumb luck. They never learned it is sometimes better to take a sack or throw it away than try to force something. So they throw killer interceptions, fumble at the worst time, and get frustrated easily.

The same thing happened at the big schools. They didn't have as deep of a roster to pull from so they were forced to start players too early. And their quarterbacks, receivers, defensive backs weren't really ready either. Ten years ago, they wouldn't be playing at all as freshmen. They would have been red shirted. They would have rode the bench for two more years. And then they would have busted out of the gate their junior year with all the frustration that comes from sitting for three years. Instead, they were forced to play as freshmen and sophomores and weren't quite ready.

The other big issue comes from the turmoil this states has undergone lately. Look at the coaching situations for the Florida schools in just the past three years:

UF - Urban Meyer quits, comes back, quits again. His top assistants all leave to coach other schools. Will Muschamp is a rookie coach. Meyer gets hired by Ohio State. UF also gets a lot of press for player arrests.
FSU - Bobby Bowden is forced out. Jimbo Fisher comes in with a completely different attitude. Instead of laid back, FSU, it is a clone of Nick Saban's corporate, prickly, jerkwad programs. FSU, as usual, is in the news for players being arrested.
UM - Randy Shannon is fired. Al Golden is hired. (I had to look that up.) In addition, the schools is wracked with scandal and kept themselves out of a bowl game.
UCF - Coaching is somewhat stable. But the Athletic Director and WR coach are fired for illegal recruiting. The school is going to face NCAA sanctions as a second time offender (already in trouble for problems just two years ago). They lose a multi-million dollar case for basically running a player to death. And the team fluctuates between winning and sucking every year.
USF - Founding coach Jim Leavitt is fired for physically assaulting a player. Plus they are in the Big East, which is as stable as a fault line.
FIU - no one cares.
FAU - The team never had much traction. But now, founding coach Howard Schnellenberger retired after the season.

NCAA sanctions, new coaches, conference upheaval. Sounds like a great place to go to school, right? Kids aren't stupid. They will overlook those problems if the future looks bright. But, for most of these schools, do you think they are the verge of righting the ship? I have a feeling for all of these (except FIU) that things may get worse before they get better. UCF is going to get slammed by the NCAA. If they have another bad season, O'Leary is gone. UM still hasn't heard the last of hooker-gate. The Meyer Ohio State hiring may hurt UF with transfers and recruiting leaning up north. FSU seems like they just can't get it together. USF is the only school that never had a suitor in the Big East exodus earlier. In addition, the schools surrounding the state of Florida keep getting stronger. LSU and Alabama are in the national title game this year. Georgia seems to be back on track. Georgia Tech made a run at the conference title this year. Auburn won the title last year. If I was coming out of high school and had to pick between a school that may not be allowed to play in a bowl, one with coaching turmoil, or a stable program with national title hopes a few miles north - I would seriously have to consider those other places. I think this is going to be a tough stretch for Florida college football. How long that lasts remains to be seen. For now, though, Florida sports fans will have to get used to being in an unfamiliar place - looking up at the pack.

FERRET FIVE: Christmas Album Wish List

2011-11-30T11:46:00.001-05:00

"Oh, no he didn't. He went and resurrected the Ferret Five lists!!!" Yes, yes I did. The whole idea behind the Ferret Five list was a little list of something I was thinking about. Like most of my blog ideas, I never saw it through to a regular feature. But I just had to bust it out for the holidays.

Christmas albums. I like them. We usually buy a couple every year. You have a few classes of them. There are the classic ones with famous takes on Christmas songs. I would throw things like Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" and Ella Fitzgerald's "Baby It's Cold Outside" and Trans-Siberian Orchestra in there. These are the essential Christmas albums that get played to death by December 11. Then you have the quality or fresh tak Christmas album, where a famous artist actually puts some thought into crafting a Christmas album. Faith Hill's "Joy to the World" is a good example of this. Then you have the money grabbing album by an artist. Everyone knows it isn't really an artistic album and is just a cash move. They are like glorified karaoke albums. (Or they are by an artist that makes you go, "Huh? Do they even celebrate Christmas?" Like Lady Gaga or Gwar.) Justin Bieber's "Mistletoe. Enough said.

Every year there are dozens of albums that come out. And I have tons of them. As I wrote in my post on multiple song versions, I have like 25 versions of "Silent Night." (Why does everyone do THAT song?) As a frequent purchaser of Christmas music, I feel that my voice is important when it comes to who should put out Christmas albums. As I was listening to the 24-hour Christmas station, it popped into my head who should be the next Christmas album generators. So, these are my five most wanted Christmas albums. Get on it, record labels. I want to see these next year.

ADELE - I don't think there is any argument here. The woman has incredible pipes, amazing emotion in her music, and couldn't be any more popular than she is right now. She could totally get away with this move. The biggest glitch is obviously her throat problems. But I can't imagine how amazing her Christmas album would be. Think of her singing "O Holy Night" or "Joy to the World." Then think of what she could do with original Christmas music. Who says holiday music has to be happy? I think this would be a huge hit.
The Avett Brothers - They have one song on a compilation album that came out this year. But I think they could do an incredible job with a whole album. At our church, they have several worship bands that are in a similar neo-bluegrass genre as The Avett Brothers. And their Christmas stuff is brilliant. The advantage the Avetts have is that they also can completely wail like rock artist - remember they were in a punk band before their current music turn. So they could really come up with a diverse roster of songs.
Coldplay - Their first foray into Christmas music was last year's "Christmas Lights," which quickly became one of my favorite Christmas albums. They could pump out a couple of other genius original songs and then do nice takes on some standards. They are very versatile and could really do a good job. They don't shy from doing live cover songs - and usually do a phenomenal job with it. Their collaborations (Jay-Z) and remixes could yield some neat results. Plus they are one of the biggest bands out there, so there it would be a surefire sales success. (I don't want to waste the spot, but this entire argument could be made for U2 as well.)
Bruno Mars - I really think that Mars is in the class of Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder as far as talent and sound goes. Motown has always done a great job with Christmas albums. So have Doo Wop bands. Mars easily slides into both of those genres. He could do wonders with fun songs and then completely wail on powerful ones. Plus he teams up like crazy. Who the heck else (besides Rhianna) could easily pair up with Eminem, B.O.B., Twilight, and Leonard Nimoy? Plus he can mix things up and do acoustic and play everything himself. This would be brilliant.
Shania Twain - She never did a Christmas album. Doesn't even make sense. She's done songs on collaborations, but never an album. Wha?!? Faith Hill's was incredible. And just about every Country female singer has AT LEAST one Christmas album. I can't imagine a better way for her to re-enter the music scene. She doesn't have to write much, if that is a problem. She has the voice and the performance ability. Why hasn't this happened yet?

Those are my top five right now. What are yours?

Microwave Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T21:43:00.001-05:00

Lots of people have been doing a "30 Days of Thankfulness" on their Facebook page. Each day, they post something they are thankful for (if they remember). I have always thought this was very cool. And this year I fully intended to do it. But I forgot. This is pretty normal for me. I forget a lot of stuff. I was very happy that the iPhone came out with their Reminders app. I use that to remind me of things. Unless I forget to put them into the app. In which case I doubly forget. I'm pretty helpless. Anywho... This year I really wanted to express my thankfulness. A lot has happened on a variety of fronts that has helped me to really appreciate all of what I have. So, here goes 30 Days of Thankfulness in one day. It's like a Microwave Thanksgiving. (Oh, hey, that's where the title came from. Heh heh. Clever.)

I am thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is the reason I am who I am. Everything I do, I do for Him. And He is at the heart of my entire life. I can't help this and don't apologize. Without Him, the rest of these don't matter.
I am thankful for my beautiful, brilliant, awesome wife, Heather. I don't deserve her. From the very beginning, people told me I was "marrying up." They think this is a revelation to me. It is not. I was aware of this from the very beginning. I may be dumb, but I am not stupid. She pushes me to be better and constantly impresses me with her amazing talents. (You aren't going to get through this without crying. Are you?)
Josiah. He's my firstborn. He is patient with me learning things as I go. I get the joy of watching him develop his talent and expand his brain. And he's just a darn cool kid.
Natalie. She is sweet and beautiful and incredibly smart - my little princess. She cuddles with me. I am proud as I hear her sweet heart and watch her grow into a wonderful young lady.
Gabe. He's wild and crazy and funny. But he also loves to snuggle and hang out with me. He is just a fun little boy and brings so many smiles (yes, some frustration too). I'm a lucky dad.
My mother. Patricia Staples poured her life into my siblings and me. She fought to help us to become good people, despite the challenges in our path. And she has always been there for us, no matter how old we get. She is the best mom I possibly could have had.
My in-laws. Many people complain about their in-laws. I don't because there isn't anything to complain about. Sam and Lois Crissinger are the best in-laws in the world. They support us and love me and set incredible examples. I consider myself so lucky to have married into their family.
Holly. She was my first best friend. And I still deeply value her friendship. She forced me to move out of my shell when I was younger and challenged me to be better when I was older. She's forgiven my stupidity more times than I can count. Plus she brought my nephew, Toby, into the world - and he's just awesome. (Bonus Thanksgiving point!)
Chris. I always looked up to Chris and wish I could have been more like him. He had the work ethic, the athletic talent, and ethical commitment that I wish I had and was insanely jealous about. I still look at him and wish that I could work as hard as him and be as diligent. He pushes me, even when he doesn't know it. (And, unlike when we were younger, this push isn't in a wagon down a hill.)
Andy and Shell. - Heather's oldest brother and his wife (along with their two beautiful daughters, Beulah and Chayah) have been two of my biggest encouragements and cheerleaders. I cherish the time and conversations I have with them. I often look at them and see the kind of parents and people I want to be.
Mike and Ria. Heather's youngest brother and his wife also have been incredible encouragements to me. They also are a reminder to not get so worked up about things - to be patient and controlled. I can get so high strung by life, but with them, it makes me realize things aren't worth getting so upset about. (A very similar thing that Mike's grandfather used to do to me - gave me perspective.)
Dave and Lacy. Heather's cousin and his wife have grown to be more than just extended family to us. They are as close as siblings, but also two of our best friends. They have filled voids in our lives and allowed us to fill voids in theirs. In addition, they let my kids smother them with love. It is rare to have friends like them - or to have family like them. It is unbelievably rare to have both in the same people.
Extended Family. There are so many extended family that I could fill the rest of the spots with them. From my half-sisters, Mary and Sue, to Heather's uncle Rich. My nieces and nephew. My sweet Aunt Dee. Uncle Jim and Aunt Rosie. Mark, Sherri, and their kids. And so many more. The encouraging words of Nila, Paul, and Diane. Each of them holds a special place in my heart. And my life wouldn't be the same without any of them.
Defender Ministries. I am blessed and honored to be able to serve in a ministry where my own personal failures are able to help others. To be able to write and teach and develop resources is a humbling thing. Our lessons and materials have been used by thousands of people in over thirty states and over a dozen countries. That is just incredible. You can't help but be humbled by that.
Charles Wise. My ministry partner and one of my best friends. It is rare to be able to have both in one person. He is like a big brother, a dad, an uncle - he's family. He gives me guidance, calls me on my stupid behavior, and allows me to talk a lot. We've been through lots of ups and downs through the last seven years. But it seems a lot easier doing it together.
Live in America. It may seem trite or cliched to say this. But it is true. We live in a land of plenty and opportunity. Even at its worst, with things looking so grim, where else would you want to live? We have so much. We are given such an advantage over most of the world. We are allowed to be free to worship and live how we want. It's easy to take it for granted, which really is a testimony as to just how blessed we are.
Medical Professionals and Technology at Moffitt Cancer Center. On Monday, my mother underwent extensive surgery to remove endometrial cancer. In days past, she probably would not have survived that. Instead, she is already home to celebrate Thanksgiving - walking around and getting back to her life. The doctors, nurses, physician assistants, and other personnel there helped that to happen. I can't express enough thanks for that. I will also lump into this the people who have made Heather's medical school experience so wonderful - the professors, preceptors, and fellow students. (Especially Austin and Ashley Henkel. - Bonus!)
Bananas. I told Natalie today how I thanked God for bananas. She looked at me weird. But I do. They are tasty. They are a great way for me to stay on track with my food choices. They aren't too expensive. I just like them.
Apples. You may call me an Apple Apologist. But I really am thankful for their products. I love my computer, my phone, my iPod. My wife loves her iPad. I love the fact that their stuff makes my life easier and richer. And it allowed me to work with some great people like Veronica Fish and Chris Anenome and the other people at R143.
Summit Church. We haven't been there long, but we are thankful for it. I love watching my kids growing and having such a great experience. I love having so many ways to serve for my wife and I. It is a great church and we are thankful that we were led there. And we get to see Erik and Tiffany Wieder a lot now. And they are just awesome people. (Another bonus point!)
UCF. I love my alma mater. On one hand, it allowed me to meet some great friends and have some great experiences. It also helped East Orlando to develop - which gave us a reason to live there and work there. I enjoy watching UCF sports. So many experiences in my life began with my time there. I'm thankful it was my school.
College Ministry. College Ministry changed my life. And it changes so many other students' lives. I am always broken hearted when I see a church think that college ministry isn't important enough. Groups like BCM and Campus Crusade are invaluable. In my own life, it change me forever - for the better. In addition, it brought me into contact with people like Allen and Candy Turner, Matt and Sarah Sharp, Byron and Bern Kirkpatrick, and dozens of others that made me into who I am. Having worked in that field for nearly a decade, I got to have so many wonderful experiences. And I got to work with people like Connie Ricks, Brad Crawford, Rahul Agarwal, Lee Howell, Becky Crandall, Tony Olesky, and Loy Reed. You can't help but get better in that crowd.
Holidays. I love the fact that there are holidays. They give you a break and a rest - often when you need it most. But it also gives a reason to be with family and friends. It isn't practical to drive from Florida to South Carolina on a whim. But a holiday gives a good reason. So that means I get to hang out this weekend with numbers 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 10, 11, 12, and 13 on this list. Holidays are awesome.
First Years Preschool and Kindergarten. All three of my children have now attended this school. And it is, in my honest opinion, the best preschool in the world. It equipped my kids to be prepared for school, developed their personalities, loved them, and taught them about God. It has been such a blessing and built such a great foundation.
Mentors. I can never express enough thanks for people like Eddie Gilley, Byron Kirkpatrick, Jeff Kipi, Bob Bray, Charles Wise, John Blann, Tadziu Trotsky. Those guys invested in my life and pushed me to be better than I was. They didn't allow me to stay in my goofy state - living a mediocre life. They saw something worth developing and went above and beyond to work with me. I can never express enough thanks.
Memories. I'm glad that we can remember things. That may sound stupid, but that is all I have left of people like my dad, my grandparents, and Heather's grandparents. I may miss them, but at least I still can remember them. So it isn't like they are completely gone.
International Community School. One class. One year. It shouldn't have made such an impact on me. But that school burrowed under my skin. And I can't help but be thankful for it. It rewarded me richly. It gave me friendships with some amazing students, as well as with some terrific adults (Carrie Baker, Robyn Terwilleger, the Kreidts, Greg Willson, the Egglestons). I still hope that at some point I can officially be a part of that school.
Weight Loss. I am glad that I no longer wheeze when I tie my shoes. I'm not embarrassed to be in pictures. I can play with my kids. And I don't look like a shaved panda with a severe allergic reaction. It's been nearly two years since I started the process, and have kept off the weight. Unless you've been an enormous land dwelling mammal, you can't understand the freedom of being released from that.
Entertainment. I like movies, sports, music. I enjoy playing Angry Birds, Word with Friends, and Jetpack Joyride. I'm glad that there are things to waste time on. And I'm glad we live in an era where that is accessible and acceptable. I'm thankful my days aren't spent winnowing and my evening entertainment is watching crickets mate. I admit it - I'm soft. I like my fun time.
Hope. I am thankful that we have hope. It is a powerful thing. It allows us to look to the future and dream of something better. We can reach a different status. We can grow a family. We can think of something beyond this life. To have no hope is a depressing thing. I am thankful that is not where we have to be.
MEGA HOLIDAY BONUS!!! Friends. I often have avoided doing these lists for fear of leaving someone out. If I did, I hope I haven't offended you. I am so thankful for my friends. They are such a great blessing. I have tried to embed many of those people in other areas. But as a way to catch some who fell through the nets, I offer up this point. I thank God for people like David Tarkington, Benji and Amy Stultz, Toney and Anna Sauls, Randy and Susan Gillis, Tim DeMoor, Thomas Blevins, Greg Ramer, and so many others. I may stumble along the path, but I never walk alone thanks to these people.

White Elephant

2011-11-21T12:35:00.001-05:00

It is the holiday season. And we all know what that means, right? CHRISTMAS PARTY TIME!!! Sorry, to be appropriate, I guess I should say, HOLIDAY PARTY TIME!!! (But, let's be honest, when I have ever strived to be appropriate?) CHRISTMAS PARTY TIME!!!

One of the best parts of any good Christmas party is . . . the Christmas Bonus. Aside from that, though, the best thing may be the Gift Exchange. A good party can become legendary with a good Gift Exchange. There are several versions of this - the Yankee Swap, the $5 and under, the Cookie Exchange, and (of course) the White Elephant. To help you, my teeming masses of blogosphere friends, with your search for the perfect gift, I will offer up some White Elephant suggestions. I have always considered myself a very good White Elephant gift exchange participant. But I have also kept my best ideas to myself, hoping to use them. However, now I work at a ministry with five employees. So we don't have gift exchanges OR Christmas parties. My gift to you, then, is my White Elephant Gift List.

Now, there are some rules for the gift exchange participant. I want to go through those first, so that these gift ideas don't end up getting you fired or ostracized.

Know The Party Type - This is a big problem. Many places don't define their gift exchange party, so you get an amalgam of gifts. If you are running a party, make sure people know what they are supposed to be bringing. If you are going to a party, make sure you ask what exactly you should bring. I HATE it when I go to a regular $5 And Under party and some dingbat brings a fruitcake. There isn't really good swapping going on when all the gifts aren't in the same class.
Don't Bring Fruitcake - Seriously, no originality there. Ha ha. Everyone hates fruitcake. Joke's over. Also, don't bring singing fish, dancing Santas, or any other cliched item. Be original. And, while we are at it, stay away from $5 bills and gift cards. Those are going to get stolen and locked immediately. Put some thought into it. (I can't emphasize this enough.)
No Tennis Shoes - In one White Elephant exchange, I got a dirty tennis shoe. In another, I got a blown out egg shell. There was some laughter, but again, there is no swapping with those. And the person who gets stuck with it feels ripped off. So, don't bring broken or completely useless stuff. It is just mean.
Keep It Moving - Gift Exchanges can be great, but they can also drag out for hours. If you are running the party, keep things moving. If you are a participant, know when your number is called. Don't hide your gifts. And don't make a big deal if you get stolen from. Just keep things going.
Clearly Define and Stick to The Rules - How many rounds? How many times can something be stolen? Can the first person go again at the end? Is everything free game at that point? You don't want the event ruined because someone got miffed at the end. Also, don't break the money limit. Again, it just isn't fun when someone brings a $20 gift and everything else is under $5.
Know Your Crowd - There is a gold mine of suggestions by knowing the people you work with, thinking through shared history, knowing the hierarchy of your company. Also, if your co-workers don't have senses of humor, that really hampers your flexibility.

Okay, enough preaching. ON TO THE SUGGESTIONS!!! These are going to be for the White Elephant Gift Exchange. I'm not giving ones for the other types. Remember, White Elephant gifts should be humorous and creative. So, think about your audience and have fun. Here are some ideas.

A Live White Mouse - Sure, the PETA people will probably get angry at you. But this is a great idea! And it is cheap. I actually did this in college at a Student Government exchange. The guy who got it was shaking the box and I said, "Uh, you may not want to do that." When he opened it, I guarantee you he wasn't expecting THAT! And, it ended up being a hot item because one of the guys in our group had a snake.
An Actual White Elephant - The obviousness of this gift makes it a great idea. I also used this once. We had a little white ceramic elephant that I used. And, with the large number of "do it yourself" ceramics places out there, it is pretty easy to make your own if you can't find it. A White Elephant Mug. A White Elephant Plate. Good stuff.
Framed Picture - This is an idea I had and never got to do. If you work at a church or a company with a very identifiable leader, get a picture of this person. (It works really well if there is already a photo that gets used for promotional materials.) Print the picture at 8x10 or 11x13 and buy a cheap frame at a dollar store. Then frame it and wrap it. It's funny because no one wants to make any negative comments, because the guy is right there. And it is also fun to see the brown nosers fight to get the picture.
"Men Of..." Calendar - It is so easy now to print creative gifts. And most of them aren't that expensive, especially at places like Sam's or Costco. Or use Snapfish when they are running a special. My thoughts for this is to get pictures of several of your co-workers. Candids work best, especially innocent ones that can be misconstrued in the wrong context. Then make a 2012 Men (or Women) Of The Company Calendar. This works GREAT for church staffs, since there is no way this would ever exist outside of a prank.
Justin Bieber - No adult in their right mind will admit to liking the Beebster. So, get something Bieberlicious and wrap it on up. There are dolls, shirts, purses. Lots of available options. And, since they are aimed at kids, a lot of them are pretty reasonable. You also could go this same route with Twilight, Big Time Rush, or anything else that makes a tweener girl screech. [ED NOTE: My friend, Candy, reminded me that she used a Justin Bieber toothbrush at a recent party and it was a HUGE success.]
Fake CD - This required some Photoshop skills. Come up with a fake band and create a fake CD. I did this for my brother-in-law one year and then put an iTunes card inside the case. Here's how it goes: Pick a band (Screaming Monkey Trees), come up with a cool album name (The Monkey Within), create some weird and funny cover, and then make a fake CD using some of the worst songs you can find in your iTunes library. Or, just take advantage of the 69 cent or free songs on Amazon's MP3 store or the iTunes store.
Real CD - If you can't create one yourself, go to a used CD store or Walmart and get something like The Chipmunks or Milli Vanilli. Better yet, if you know someone in your office who loves a music style/artist that no one else likes, this is a great way to utilize that inner-office history. Go find a copy of Polka or Tribal Music or War Chants. Make sure you play up how bad the album is, to tweak your co-worker. (You can do the same thing with horrible movies like Jumper or Glitter or Gigli or with horrible books like Twilight.)
Goofy Ornament - There are some ridiculous ornaments out there. Find one that you just can't believe is actually offered and wrap it up. Good rule of thumb: If you think something is beyond stupid, it is perfect for a White Elephant exchange.
Sports Team Items - Another chance to tap into your office knowledge. If you have a lot of Gator fans in the office, get some FSU stuff. If there are Seminole fans, get Miami stuff. Alabama fans? Stock up on Auburn gifts. If you have one very vocal fan of something like Ohio State, find some insulting pro-Michigan stuff. Don't be afraid to target one or two people with the gift. That is still funny.

Well, I hope that gives you some good ideas. And I'm sure that you will get some good ideas as you shop. The best thing is to give yourself a little lead time. If you wait to the last minute, that eliminates things like the homemade and home printed stuff. Or, if you see something hilarious in July, go ahead and get it. You know the party is coming up, so it doesn't hurt to have it on hand. If something looks stupid, it is a good start. And feel free to share how your gifts went. Have a great time at the party and be a good sport.

On a Pedestal

2011-11-18T09:39:00.001-05:00

Apparently, in light of the horrific events unfolding at Penn State, there is a movement to pull down the Joe Paterno statue that currently stands outside of Beaver Stadium. The school itself has tried to distance itself from Paterno in light of the allegations against Jerry Sandusky, his former Defensive Coordinator. I spelled out my opinions about the scandal in this sure to be Pulitzer Prize nominated post. I went so far as to say they should fire the entire coaching staff and shutter the program until they find out what exactly is going on. However, something just seems wrong about pulling down the statue. I think the problem is that there ever was a statue in the first place.

It would be hard to refute the statement that Joe Paterno is one of the greatest coaches in all of American sports history. He has the most victories in NCAA Division I football history - more than Bear Bryant or Bobby Bowden or Ron Zook. He's won two national titles. What is more impressive is that he did it at Penn State - a former agricultural school in Nowhere, Pennsylvania. And, by most accounts, he did it well and clean. The school was never hit with investigations and probations. They kept high academic standards. Paterno did all of that. He was the architect of Penn State football. And it wasn't just the program. He was one of the first coaches to take advantage of a corporate sponsorship. Since players cannot be paid to wear a company's products, national shoe brands will pay the coach instead. Penn State signed with Nike years ago - back before they got heavily into creating superhero costumes for teams like Oregon and Boise State. He's been handsomely rewarded for that. His time spent at Penn State has brought him a lot of money, respect, and love. In turn, he has donated a ton of money back to the school. By all accounts, he is a good man and a good leader. He's earned his pension and his position.

But, now things start to surface. It is like the lid is taken off of the box and the ugliness can start to come out. People are talking about how he was stubborn and cruel. He clashed with the administration and basically did whatever he wanted. He really ran the school, regardless of what anyone's title read. Some accusations are even worse. Former Oklahoma Sooner coach (and a guy who knows a thing or two about cheating) Barry Switzer said that there is no way that Paterno did not know what was going on with Sandusky. He said that at a big time college sports program like that, people don't get access without the coach knowing. Other people have said that Sandusky's "retirement" was actually a penalty for the original accusation years ago. And it is widely believed that Paterno did not do everything he could have to protect the kids involved.

I think that the shock of the situation has been so great that no one really knows what to do. The school is trying to save its reputation. Alumni and fans are trying to make sense of things and know if it is still okay to love Penn State and love this man. So you have wild uncontrolled emotions flailing everywhere. This confusion has been brilliantly documents by Michael Weinreb over at Grantland.com. He is an alum of Penn State and has been personally wrestling with all of this and documenting it. Brilliant articles, all of them. The big struggle is what to do with this man who has become an icon of greatness to the school - and really all of sports. How do these accusations affect the view of this man? He didn't physically do anything to these kids - but his inaction allowed someone else to. The program he built did not funnel kids to a predator - but the program he created gave the man ways to funnel kids to himself. The culture he fostered did not force people to have an unhealthy view of him and other coaches - but the culture certainly lent itself to it, and he never discouraged it.

The problem is not so much with Joe Paterno. It is with putting any human being in a place reserved for a god. Really, that is what a pedestal is for. It is putting something or someone in a place higher than others. It is allowing us to revere and almost worship them as something greater than just the average man. Look at the statues around you. They are erected to recognize, honor, and inspire greatness. Sports teams will frequently put up statues outside of their stadium to tap into a sense of loyalty and team spirit. FSU has Chief Osceola on Renegade with a spear and an unquenchable flame with a huge sign reading "UNCONQUERED." UCF has an awesome statue of a knight on a horse. The Jacksonville Jaguars have a roaring jaguar. The Bucs have their end zone pirate ship. And Penn State had Paterno.

We have monuments throughout our country. There is the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, Mount Rushmore. We see people that have done great things and inspired us and put them up on a pedestal. You don't put some useless dork up on a statue. (Well, unless you are the city of West Palm Beach. They had some random soldier and then that got replaced by a guy who designed a disastrous development project. The only reason he deserved a statue was to give people something to aim the tomatoes at.) However, there is a great danger in this. Putting anyone up on that level is begging for problems.

These people, as great as they are, are still human. They are flawed. We may be drawn to their great qualities. But there still is darkness housed in that same person. We lift that person up and slowly focus only on the good things. When something negative or unseemly surfaces, we are floored. It doesn't match the refined and polished view that has been accepted. Our faith is shaken. And then we have to go through the messy process of tearing down the pedestal that never should have been constructed. I see it happen in churches frequently. Pastors are put up on a metaphorical pedestal. People listen to their sermons and assume that this person has it all figured out. They must know everything and being living completely blameless lives. Many pastors foster this by never talking about anything negative in their own lives unless they have already overcome it. Then, when the human element starts to come out - when that church member becomes more involved or some of the stuff said in staff meetings leak out - members are devastated that this man is just . . . a man.

We started attending a new church recently. We loved our old church here, but it was smaller and the kids are at the age where they really needed an expanded children's ministry. It was a hard decision, but we knew it was the right one. And we consider ourselves lucky to have two churches we love and feel connected to. The pastor at our new church is amazing - a truly gifted speaker and leader. The temptation is to heap too much praise on him and give him too much glory. I can see where some people there are already doing that. It is an easy trap to fall into with a growing, thriving church. And I am doing my best to make sure that I always remember he is a man. He's a gifted and talented man, but still a man. It is so easy to do this. We do it all the time with celebrities and political figures. Apple fans did it with Steve Jobs - pointing out his many brilliant moves while quietly ignoring the failures (Ping?) and the ugly stuff. I am very concerned with the horde of people who have elevated Tim Tebow to this level. Yes, he is a good man with a strong faith and a will to win. But he's just a man. God forbid, what happens if he was to fail? What would happen if we found out that he was hiding a secret? How crushed would his fans be? (And, conversely, what kind of sick joy would his haters experience?)

That's another problem with putting people up on pedestals. There are always going to be people who just love to knock them off. There will always be cynics, people who refuse to believe anyone should be so loved and honored. It goes beyond keeping things in perspective and approaching actively wanting to see this person fail. I have seen it happen with Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Bill Clinton, Ronald Reagan, even President Obama. There is this group of people that (basically) worships these guys and then another group that really hates these guys. They want to see them fall on their face and laugh if and when it happens. (Colin Cowherd, shoot, every sportswriter, I'm looking at you.)

Putting people up on a pedestal is a dangerous thing. It invites disappointment. No person can live up to that kind of pressure and scrutiny. No one is that good. All of us have shortcomings. And even if they are minor, when someone is elevated in such a way, those shortcomings are magnified. What could just be something we put up with Weird Uncle Larry becomes devastating when it is done by Urban Meyer. We expect more from these people - they shouldn't be susceptible to the same things as us. But that is unrealistic. We shouldn't have to tear down pedestals because we shouldn't put people up there in the first place. That isn't to say that we never look up to someone or admire anyone. We shouldn't go through life negative and critical, assuming every person deep down inside sucks and will disappoint us. But we should gain inspiration while remaining realistic. And if someone tries to put us up in a places we don't belong, we shouldn't allow it. I doubt anyone will ever put me in that place because I am the first to say that I am a messed up person that will only serve to let you down. I am not going to hide my flaws because I know they will come out anyway - and probably at the most inopportune time. If you find someone you really want to enshrine, learn from them and admire them. But then pray - not TO them, but FOR them. The pressures they face are extreme. Not only do they have to make the right choices for themselves, but also for the people all around them looking up to them. And if they do slip up, you won't have to pull them down from their perch. They never will have been on one in the first place.

Second Verse, Same as the First

2011-11-12T11:17:00.001-05:00

I'm kind of getting into a groove with my writing/blogging lately. By "a groove," I mean that I am more writing for myself than for the six people who read the blog. I have often heard that writing needs to be practiced if you want to get really good at it. And I have found that to be true - when I get out of the habit of writing, I have a harder time getting back into the swing of it. I also think my writing is rougher when I get back into it. So I'm pretty glad I am starting to get back into the swing. (You may not be, but there are plenty other options out there for you. Like THIS for example. See, now I'm not such a bad option.) Of course, me writing more often means that you will probably be subjected to my oft-threatened "Why Green Superheroes Don't Work on Screen" post. Win some, lose some.

The other night, I was watching a riveting football game between national powerhouses (that was a lie - I was watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for the fiftieth time). A commercial ran for Like Crazy - a movie starring Chekov from the new Star Trek movie that I will never even think about watching, even under duress. In the background of the commercial, I heard a somewhat familiar song playing, but being sung by someone I hadn't heard before. I did a quick Google search and found out it was Ingrid Michaelson singing "Can't Help Falling in Love" - alson known as "Fools Rush In." I went ahead and got the song on iTunes and it was really good - a completely original version that really added some touching depth to the song.

It got me thinking. I have four versions of that song in my iTunes library and really like all of them. (There are probably several hundred takes on that song in existence.) Do you have songs like that, where you have multiple versions that are equally entertaining? I'm not really talking about Christmas songs. I have nine versions of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," fourteen versions of "O Holy Night," twenty-one versions of "Silent Night." There are only so many Christmas songs to record, so there is going to be a massive amount of duplication. You have the same situation with hymns and praise songs. I have multiple recordings of "Amazing Grace" and "Come Thou Fount" and "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever." I'm talking about regular songs that have been recorded several times, but where the artist brings a fresh take to it each time. I'm a sucker for remakes, especially really good ones or ones that salvage a cruddy song. (Go listen to U2's version of Gloria Estafan's ridiculous "Everlasting Love" or Chris Daughtry's acoustic "Poker Face.") If an artist I like does a remake on some obscure album, I usually get it (find Coldplay's live take on REM's "Everybody Hurts").

It is pretty common to have two versions of a song. Remakes happen frequently - especially in the age of shows like American Idol, X Factor, and Glee (especially Glee). But I think it is much more rare to have a song with three or more versions. It is also hard to find songs that are uniquely and creatively remade. Take "Unchained Melody." Tons of people have done that song, but most of them aren't very original - they just sound like a bad karaoke version of The Righteous Brothers. So I went through my iTunes library to find out which songs I had multiple versions of and decided to evaluate why in the world I own them all.

"Can't Help Falling in Love" - 4 versions - Elvis Presley, Bono, UB40, Ingrid Michaelson - This is one of those rare songs were each version is a winner. Obviously, the original Elvis version is a classic. Bono recorded his version for the movie Honeymoon in Vegas with Nic Cage, SJP, and James Caan (forgettable movie indeed). It was beautiful, with Bono's falsetto floating in during the last third to add a tenderness that wasn't there in Presley's. Right after that UB40 recorded the song for Sliver with Billy Baldwin and Sharon Stone. (Okay, the song doesn't have a great movie track record.) The reggae twist on the song almost transmits a joyfulness in the singer's inability to quit loving this person. It isn't mourning or longing as much as professing love. Then Michaelson's version is just incredible and lovely - full of aching and desperation missing in each other version. I love all four.
"For Once In My Life" - 3 versions - Frank Sinatra, Michael Buble, Stevie Wonder - Right off the bat, my problem is that I am sucker for Motown Stevie Wonder. I think his version of this song is just amazing. It is pretty special to have a song that can hold up to a Motown treatment and a too-cool Jazz version. I'm not always the biggest Sinatra fan, but he does a decent job. Buble is giving his version of Sinatra's version. (When you get down to it, isn't Buble's entire career his version of Sinatra?) To me, the Stevie song is by far the best take.
"Hallelujah" - 6 versions - Leonard Cohen, Jeff Buckley, kd lang, Jason Castro, Rufus Wainright/John Cale - I'll admit it. I never had heard of this song before Shrek. I fell in love with it in the film (Cale's version). The CD came with Wainright instead - another good version. Then I got Jeff Buckley's absolute home run of a version - the one most people recognize. Finally I purchased the Cohen original and kind of wondered how it had spawned so many remakes, unless people just were convinced they could do a better take on a beautifully written song. Jason Castro has a surprisingly nice, but not groundbreaking, recording of it. And kd lang's from the Winter Olympics is glorious. This is one of those songs where all of them are going to be somewhat similar - haunting, moving, powerful. There will be degrees of those things. You probably won't hear a reggae version, thank goodness. (Well, I won't buy it if there is one.) Personally, I would rank them Buckley, Cale, lang, Cohen, Rufus, Castro.
"How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" - 3 versions - BeeGees, Melinda Doolittle, Michael Buble - The last season of "American Idol" we really were into was Season Six. I even got the CD at the end of the season, which is why you will see Idol versions of several songs. This song is one of my favorites. I love the BeeGees version. It carries with it a level of sadness and pain that is not always evident in the disco loving group. Buble's take is smoother, but it also incorporates the BeeGees falsetto throughout the last third - a nice move, I always felt. Doolittle's song is stupid. She refused to sing "how can a loser ever win" because she didn't like calling people losers. That alone disqualifies the song. She also sang it in her too-characteristic milquetoast style. (I still think if she had embraced her inner Tina Turner she would have won. Her best performances were the rocking ones.) Admittedly, I don't have the Al Green version. I'm probably missing out. But I never claimed to be authoritative on music. And his is over six minutes - a big dragged out.
"I Heard It Through the Grapevine" - 4 versions - Gladys Knight, Marvin Gaye, Creedence Clearwater Revival, California Raisins - Another brilliant song. I'm not a huge CCR fan and I am a HUGE Gladys Knight fan. Even today, Gladys Knight could sing most divas under the table. I think it is a riot when they bring her onto a show like Idol and she humiliates whoever it is she is supposed to duet with. Then she kind of gives them a "nice try" look and walks off stage. So you can guess where I land on this. But, the Marvin Gaye version was also incredible. I have a Motown Classics Gold album with the forty greatest Motown songs (not at all subjective). It includes BOTH Knight's and Gaye's version - one right after another on the album. That doesn't happen often. The CCR version is fine with a nice Southern rock twist on the song. But the real winner, obviously, is the California Raisins.
"I Want You Back" - 3 versions - Jackson Five, The Waiting, Smokey Robinson - The Jackson Five version is awesome. The Waiting version is fun. The Smokey one is slow and too mellow - like a lot of Smokey's stuff. Again, just my opinion.
"I'll Stand By You" - 3 versions - The Pretenders, Gina Glocksen, Glee - This is one of those "what the heck?" songs where having multiple versions don't make sense. I never was a huge fan of The Pretenders version. It was a bit much for me. I got the Glocksen one on the aforementioned Idol CD. It sounds like karaoke. Then I got the Glee version on one of their CDs. It was one of the dumber songs and one of the dumber sequences in the show. Finn sang this to an ultrasound of his unborn child that wasn't really his. Why do I have three versions of this?
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" - 6 versions - Judy Garland, Straight No Chaser, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (2 versions), Glee, Matthew Morrison and Gwyneth Paltrow - Here we go... This is probably the quintessential remake song. Yes, I have six versions. You have the original one made famous by Wizard of Oz. Obviously a classic that has led to countless remakes and redos. Then, along came Israel Kamakawiwo'ole and his absolutely brilliant Hawaiian ukelele version. That completely changed the song. The Straight No Chaser version is a mashup with Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" that owes more to Iz's classic than Oz's. Iz himself released two takes - one stand alone and one incredible mashup with "What a Wonderful World." Then you have the Glee version that Matthew Morrison sang at the end of Season One. I have to give Morrison credit; he did a good job. It is basically a remake of Iz's take, complete with ukelele. But Morrison's voice is less island, so it makes it a little blander. His duet with Paltrow on his solo album is kind of a mashup of both the Oz and Iz versions. It is good, but I don't think it is as good as the Glee version. All in all, though, you have at least two very distinct takes on the same song that are both very good in their own right. That puts it in the class of "Can't Help Falling in Love."
"Imagine" - 3 versions - John Lennon, Blake Lewis, Glee - This is where I get in trouble. I hate this song. I don't care if it is one of the most popular songs in history or that it was written by Lennon. I hate it. I have always hated it. Part of it is that I don't like some of what it says. I can get on board for prayers for world peace. But Lennon puts out that the way to accomplish that is get rid of a whole bunch of stuff - including God and religion. Obviously, that kind of hits close to home for me. I did not purchase any of these versions - they came on collections that I wanted. I'll move on before I get blasted by the pro-Imagine crowd.
"In Christ Alone" - 4 versions - Travis Cottrell (2 versions), Page CXVI, Avalon - Technically, this would fall into the praise and worship category. But it is also a very good example of how different takes can completely alter a song. The Avalon version of this song is the pretty standard version that has been heard in churches all over the country. It is a good song with a great message and powerful emotion. The Page CXVI is very low key and mellow. Personally, I think it really robs the song of its power, but some people love it. The Travis Cottrell version is incredible. He mashes it up with "Solid Rock" and brings in a praise team. I have two different live versions of his of the song. Both are great and extremely moving. One of the big challenges of praise music recordings is to make it recognizable, but also unique. Cottrell definitely pulls that off.
"Jesus Freak" - 4 versions - dcTalk, dcTalk (live), dcTalk (lounge joke), Newsboys - It is perhaps dcTalk's most famous song - a great song. I love it. The live version is just a more frantic version of the album version. When Michael Tait of dcTalk became lead singer of Newsboys, they recorded a version of it. It sounds just like the dcTalk version, except with Tait doing all the voices - which actually hurts the song. The only version that really brings any freshness was actually put on the Jesus Freak album as a joke. It is a lounge singer version, which I have always thought was both hilarious and clever.
"My Deliverer" - 3 versions - Rich Mullins, Ragamuffin Band, dcTalk - When Rich Mullins died, he had a very rough copy of his next album recorded on tapes. It was truly a shame because it was an AMAZING album. So, posthumously, the album was released on two CDs - the original rough recordings by Mullins and then fully recorded and mastered versions put out by his backing band and industry friends. The song "My Deliverer" is just an incredible song. I prefer Rich's original take, but the full album version is also very good. It is more upbeat and polished, which doesn't actually help it. When Prince of Egypt came out in theaters, dcTalk made a version of this song with the lyrics changed a bit to make it more about Moses than Jesus. I never liked the lyric alteration, but the take itself is pretty good and unique. It adds a rock flavor, which makes it more a celebration of victory. Rich's original was quieter, like he was reminding himself that rescue was coming and to not give up. Each subsequent version brought less of that wounded perspective. I have always been partial to the original - but I also like the middle movie in most trilogies the best. I'm weird.
"To Make You Feel My Love" - 5 versions - Bob Dylan, Billy Joel, Garth Brooks, Adele (2 versions) - Another song where every version seems to be a complete home run. Dylan's folk take, Joel's powerful 80's piano rock version, Brooks' country ballad, and Adele's Motown diva longing. I love all the versions of the song and each artist completely makes it their own (in the words of the Idol judges). If you didn't know better, you would think that each artist wrote it. I first heard Joel's song and thought it was his - until a friend corrected me about Dylan. I had another friend who swore Brooks wrote it - until I corrected him about Joel and Dylan. And there are people who swear that Adele wrote it. It's one of those cases where the perfect person for each generation remade the song. (Adele is really good at this - her version of Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" absolutely nails it.)
"Somebody to Love" - 3 versions - Queen, George Michael, Glee - There is the Queen classic. There George Michael trying to replace Freddie Mercury (impossible) with the rest of Queen in a decent, but subpar, version. And there is Glee mangling the Queen version. If anyone could have replaced Freddie Mercury, it would have been George Michael. Which shows you just how awesome Mercury was.
"Sway" - 4 versions - Rosemary Clooney, Michael Buble, Melinda Doolittle, Glee - Yeah, I don't understand this one either. I can't really identify which one is better. They all are virtually the same take. And all of them are pretty stupid.
"You Really Got Me" - 3 versions - Van Halen, Sanjaya Malakar, The Chipmunks - Speaking of stupid... What a perfect way to end this examination. Van Halen's song is hardly a classic. But it is typical 80s David Lee Roth led Van Halen. Then you have the complete trainwreck Sanjaya's inexplicably bad karaoke song that really could be used as punishment. Then you have The Frigging Chipmunks putting out a take that would be considered torture by the Geneva Convention. This song epitomizes the hit and miss nature of multiple song versions. You have some songs that are like a framework that a talented artist can conform in any number of directions. Then you have some songs that are like trying to bend concrete.

Those are what I have to offer. Feel free to hit up the comments to list your favorite song with multiples - or to let me know which ones I missed.

No Defense

2011-11-10T14:26:00.000-05:00

I have wanted to write about the Penn State scandal for several days now. In truth, it has dominated my thoughts since this past weekend. I heard mention of it on the news when the story first broke, so I read some of the coverage on it. And, I wish I could un-read it. It horrified me so much that I had trouble sleeping that night. The next day, I sat my older kids down and explained what they needed to do if anyone approaches them in an inappropriate manner. I told them, "Scream as loud as you can, punch them as hard as you can in their special place, run as fast as you can, and then tell me as soon as you can." I didn't know what else to do. What I wanted to do was to drive up to Happy Valley (ironic name, this week), find Coach Sandusky, and murder him. That is precisely why I didn't write about this whole issue. I didn't see any way that I could convey my thoughts without cursing, offending someone, or making me look like a violent rage-a-holic. From the coverage I have been hearing and reading, my thoughts are not isolated. It is amazing the number of sportswriters and sports talking heads who have expressed those exact same sentiments.

The fallout from the scandal is still being measured. So far, the University President, Athletic Director, and a VP have exited - along with the firing of Joe Paterno. Somehow, though, the original accuser still is coaching on the team - despite the fact that his reporting of the 2002 incident was so poor that several people hid behind the claim they "didn't fully understand the gravity of the accusation." Personally, I think that the Board of Trustees needs to just get rid of the entire coaching staff and shutter the program for the rest of the year until the school can truly assess what in Hades is going on.

Now, apparently that last comment would get me a riot outside of my house. There are so many horrifying and inexplicable things that have happened in the course of this scandal. But one of the most mind scrambling is the fact that Penn State students rioted last night when news of Paterno's firing hit the airwaves. Dannah Gresh, who is an amazing writer of purity resources, lives up near State College. She has been tweeting about what was happening up there. One of the things she posted (I think it was from someone else originally) was, "Too bad the rioting wasn't because a child was molested." That's the crazy part. AT LEAST eight boys were molested by this guy. I say at least because the police are fielding tons of calls about other cases not related to the Grand Jury indictment. [By the way, I refuse to say "allegedly" in all of this. If it was one accuser, I may have some doubts. Eight? A three year Grand Jury investigation? Reports that this guy was "walked in on" on FOUR separate occasions? You don't get an "allegedly" for that. This isn't some tv cop show where they drag five different people in and threaten to arrest them. This was a freaking THREE YEAR Grand Jury investigation.] The rioters were not up in arms that this kind of horror could happen right under the noses of the university. They weren't furious that state and school resources went to this man - even after he had been accused and ADMITTED to making mistakes with young boys. The angry hordes weren't buying pitchforks and torches because the school allowed this guy's nonprofit (which was supposed to help children) to operate on its campus running football camps. They were mad because the people who made stupid, irresponsible, reckless decisions that led to the continued destruction of children's lives were fired for those decisions.

This is one of the things I absolutely hate about sports. Sports fans are so passionate about their teams and players that they turn a blind eye whenever something that could tarnish that entity arises. I can understand being shocked and not wanting to believe an accusation. But to stubbornly defend a team, a school, an athlete in the face of mounting evidence is just asinine. It isn't like there isn't a track record of sports personalities and groups making self-serving and immoral choices. How many times do we need to see this play out before we start to believe that these players and teams are not deserving of that level of defense. I remember when trouble first started to swirl around Tiger Woods. People made all kind of statements and accusations about Tiger's wife. Nearly twenty women later, those supporters know the truth. But it was their first inclination to defend, defend, defend.

Two other things happened yesterday that highlighted this. While Penn State was watching their world unravel, UCF was watching their athletic department for entirely different reasons. UCF President John Hitt fired Athletic Director Keith Tribble and the Wide Receivers Coach. Head Men's Basketball Coach, Donnie Jones, was suspended without pay for three games. Several basketball players have been suspended, including Michael Jordan's sons Marcus and Jeff. In the case of UCF, an NCAA investigation has shown that the athletic department had been getting into an improper relationship with a professional "runner" - who is a guy who guides players to specific teams and is paid for it (illegally). Back in April, the reports began to surface. UCF was dirty - that's how they were getting a shocking number of high quality players from Chicago. UCF fans refused to believe it. I myself, being a devout UCF fan and alum, wanted to doubt it. But, there was something that didn't add up. Partly, it was a sports entity being accused - which, in my opinion, always ends up being true. Keith Tribble went so far in April as to say he had never met this guy, couldn't identify him. Turns out Tribble was a big fat liar. Now, UCF is big trouble. They are trying to self discipline. But it isn't going to work. What has been the response of most UCF fans I've seen? Shame - followed by questioning if this is going to keep us out of the Big East.

It should. I think that the Big East should contact President Hitt and say, "I'm sorry, but that is not the kind of institution we want in our conference. You have no control over your players or staff or coaches. Stay in the Conference USA, if they'll have you." They SHOULD say that, but they won't. This is the same conference that houses UConn basketball and Louisville basketball and Cincinnati sports and West Virginia (until last month). The Big East is probably rushing even faster to get UCF now - since they proved they can cheat with the big boys. Cheating is a prerequisite for admission. [Truly pathetic part? Eight of the teams in the Big East for basketball are Catholic universities - the kind of schools that shouldn't stomach cheating on any level. And they are thinking of inviting BYU, the team who suspended their top players last year for having premarital relations with their girlfriends. Run, BYU, run.] Once again, the temptation for UCF fans was to defend their teams. The temptation for the Big East is to defend their schools.

In the NFL, Ryan Clark - a safety for the Steelers - was fined $45,000 for a helmet to helmet hit on Sunday. His response was touching and sensitive. "If I'm going to get fined that much, I'm going to make sure I get my money's worth." Amazing. The NFL is trying (pathetically, but trying nonetheless) to cut down on concussions now that it is evident that brain damage from football are costing players years of their lives. So they have ramped up the penalties for head hits. Then you have Clark responding like that. And, once again, Steelers fans will rush to the defense of their player. They will complain about how the NFL singles out Pittsburgh players. They will say the NFL is getting soft. They will laugh at Clark's comment. And they will get giddy the next time a Steelers player tries to paralyze someone.

We keep seeing this happen. Football fans defend their sport and try to minimize those brain damage studies. They defend their teams and players. They defend behavior that is violent and uncalled for and irresponsible. It is sad. It is like a person loses their usual moral and ethical compass when it comes to winning a championship. I guess that makes me a lousy sports fan. I ditched the Dallas Cowboys around 2000 because I hated the way they did business. I did the same thing with the Bucs a few years later. And I did the same thing with the Yankees when the Mitchell Report hit and it showed everyone on the Yankees had a needle perpetually sticking out of their arm. I won't ditch UCF because I went there and my tie there is different. But I will have hard supporting the current coaching staffs until this gets fixed.

Sports isn't the only place this happens, obviously. We see Republicans doing the same thing right now with Herman Cain. These are the same people who wanted to crucify Bill Clinton and fire Rep Weiner over their misbehavior. But their first response with Cain is to say it is a conspiracy. Fans of Apple Computers refused to acknowledge anything negative they heard about Steve Jobs - even going so far as saying that what made him so great was his tendency to be a rude, abrasive, intolerant, short tempered tyrant. We all have the desire to defend things we care about. Unfortunately, more often than not lately, the things we want to defend don't deserve our defense. They haven't earned such passion and loyalty. So we are put in a position where we have to compromise our own morals and ethics to defend their lack of control. "All programs cheat. We just got caught. We just are worse at hiding it." Why should anyone who claims to have a moral guide and compass DEFEND unethical behavior? You shouldn't. Wrongdoing is wrong - no matter what. Breaking the rules is wrong. I don't care if you like the color of the jersey or the helmet logo the person is wearing. It is wrong. There is no circumstance that makes it okay to cheat ... or to sexual harass someone. And there is absolutely nothing that makes it okay to sexually assault a child.

Which leads us back to Penn State. Some people have asked what Paterno's crime was. They say he legally had done everything he was supposed to, but he had not morally done everything. The fact is that he ran that campus. He ran that athletic department. And he allowed Sandusky to remain there. I don't even know how he could. I doubt that I would be able and willing to have someone that I knew had hurt children around my workplace. At the very least, Sandusky admitted to making a mistake in 1999. Paterno then was told about another disturbing incident in 2002. That's two. At that point, even if he didn't understand everything, Paterno should have banished Sandusky. He should have made trouble for his nonprofit and refused to let them operate on campus. He should have ended the friendship. The fact that he not only didn't do that, but allowed him on campus "all the time" and allowed him to use the athletic facilities. He saw him in the company of young boys "from the nonprofit group" on trips. That never triggered a question? I believe that is is the job of all adults to defend and protect the innocent - the ones who can't defend themselves. That includes kids. You may think kids are annoying and hate their noise. But you still should protect them. That is ingrained in people. We are built to care about others and to take care of small people. To sacrifice children for the sake of a friendship is deplorable. To ignore harm coming to children for the sake of a bowl bid is reprehensible. And to be more upset about the decimation of a football team instead of the decimation of innocent lives is completely indefensible.

Next Iron Chef: Game Changer

2011-11-08T16:44:00.000-05:00

I certainly never intended to do a weekly recap of Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs, but that was before two things happened in this last week's episode. First, the show positioned itself to become the greatest competition show in the history of Food Network. Second, my entire set of picks from week one got completely turned on its head. I realized that there actually is not an ulterior motive driving this show. Literally, anyone can go out at any time. And it got proved this past week when my top two landed in the bottom three and the person many expected to win went home.

Just to recap my picks, I had projected the following order:

Geoffrey Zakarian
Robert Irvine
Anne Burrell
Marcus Samuelsson
Michael Chiarello
Alex Guarnaschelli
Elizabeth Falkner
Beau MacMillan
Chuck Hughes
Spike Mendelsohn

Needless to say, I am a little bit nervous now. The bottom three were Zakarian, Irvine, and Chiarello. Burrell got throttled for playing it too safe. Samuelsson got reamed out again for making too many dishes. And Guarnaschelli, who looked completely outmatched last week, sailed to the first place finish without a single negative comment by any of the judges. In fact, the top three were Falkner, Guarnaschelli, and Hughes. MacMillan still is kind of floating around, limping on his injured ankle - which is kind of a metaphor for his involvement in this whole show.

The battle was to take stadium food and reinvent it as Kitchen Stadium Food. (Ha, clever.) I thought the judging as a whole was a bit odd. Zakarian admitted that he doesn't have a freaking clue what constitutes ballpark food. So he just made this two ridonkulous dishes that were labeled by the judges, "The best food we've eaten in this entire competition." That earned him a seventh place finish. Meanwhile, Hughes tossed out this hoagie that was so messy and disorganized that they could barely eat it. Naturally, he came in second. The only intelligent rankings were Guarnaschelli first and Chiarello last.

The last place finish allowed viewers to finally see the reason why I can't stand Chiarello. He made some bizarre dish and topped it off with a raw egg yolk in a shell. The judges hated it and told him so. Then Alton Brown, being the snotty arrogant turd he is, went on to lecture Chiarello by holding up his egg and allowing the whites to drip off. "If you are going to use raw egg, you certainly need to make sure it doesn't look like this (whites drip off for effect). An inability to separate an egg is hardly characteristic of an Iron Chef." The camera cut to Chiarello. "You didn't like the egg, fine. Tell me and move on. No need to beat it into the ground." Now, don't get me wrong, I wish someone would punch Alton Brown in the mouth for his self- absorbed schtick. But that is what he does. That is why the Food Network put him in this position. Brown truly believes he is smarter and better than everyone else in the food universe. You need someone that delusional to stay tough as the host with these big shot chefs. If I was Chiarello, I would have bristled too. Then I would have calmly walked to the end of the table and slammed Brown's head and his ridiculous fedora into the plate of food. It is just that every single time they interviewed Chiarello, he was basically taking the stance that there is no way he should be in last place. There's a fine line between confidence and cockiness. All celebrity chefs are confident. Some are cocky. I can't stand those guys. Don't ask me to define it. Using the cop out the Supreme Court created, "I just know it when I see it."

Anyway, the final showdown between the bottom two was Irvine and Chiarello. They had to use peanuts and had thirty minutes to create a dish to highlight this. Apparently this is is extremely difficult since all of the chefs had their eyes bug out like in a Looney Tune cartoon. Irvine came up with a fish dish - halibut crusted with peanuts on a peanut hummus with a peanut sauce and sauteed vegetables. It looked awesome - like something he has pulled out of thin air numerous times on Dinner Impossible. This is exactly why I expected him to win. He has made a career out of this kind of stuff.

Chiarello decided to make a fettucini with peanut pesto, along with a side tomato salad. Take a second and read that again. He made a fettucini with peanut pesto. No, he didn't crack open a box of Ronzoni. He freaking MADE PASTA. In thirty minutes. That means he made it from scratch. The other chefs were just stunned. Just about every single one of them said they couldn't believe he was making pasta. In thirty minutes. This was the moment when I knew Irvine was going home. You can't compete with that. Chiarello didn't even blink about the concept of pulling it off either. He broke down the time and just did it. He deep fried the peanuts (What?!?) and then used them instead of pine nuts in the pesto. Then he tossed that with his HOMEMADE PASTA. (I still am thrown off by this.) Wham.

The judges didn't know what to do. Both dishes were superb. Irvine ended up getting voted off 2-1 because his peanut hummus was a little too gummy. And probably because they realized that Chiarello had MADE HIS STINKING PASTA. The rest of the chefs were visibly shaken when Irvine left. I think that all of them thought he was going to be in it for the long run. Plus, Chiarello made a great point at the end of the show. He said that he wasn't upset to be in the bottom two. That had given him one more experience in a Kitchen Stadium setting than the others. He is more of a force than I thought. Actually, it is obvious I don't know anything about the show. My entire evaluation structure got turned on its head. There are several things I realized this week.

Zakarian is this year's Ming Tsai. Last year, Tsai could cook circles around everyone. But the reason he lost was because he too often didn't follow the exact wording of the challenges. Zakarian is in that boat. He has more cooking ability than anyone else there. That's obvious by the way the judges respond to his food. But if he doesn't stick to the rules, he will get booted out.
Marcus Samuelsson needs to settle the heck down. So far, the chefs have had to create four dishes - Samuelsson has had to do five, since he was in the bottom last week. Samuelsson has made eleven. He always does extras, just to impress the judges. The problem is, they aren't impressed. They even went so far as to say that the next time he makes extras, they are going to make him tell him which ones to judge and they won't taste the others.
Alton Brown gets more annoying every year.
There is a big difference between cooking for "regular people" and cooking for judges. This is the biggest variable I missed last week. The challenge this week was crafted for Robert Irvine. It was basically the same thing he has done before on Dinner Impossible. You go raid the vendors at a ballpark and come up with dishes with what you find. I've seen that show. Irvine excelled and everyone raved. But, in that case, the Everyone raving was a group of regular people. It is easier to impress regular people with cooking than experts. Think about it - when Irvine cooks for three hundred construction workers, do you really think some foreman is going to tell the camera the flavor profiles weren't consistent? One of Irvine's dishes was a Hot Burg. He took hot dogs and ground them up and mixed them with the hamburgers he was making. Brilliant. Alton Brown said it was great. It would have killed with average people. But the judges were unimpressed. That was Irvine's downfall. He is the best chef on Food Network's roster when it comes to knowing what average people wants. That is how he is so successful with Dinner Impossible. That is how he does such a great job in helping people fix their restaurants on Restaurant Impossible. That is why he is such a great coach on Worst Cooks in America. It really is why I like him so much. And that is precisely why couldn't be the Iron Chef. They don't want someone who will impress the masses. They want someone who will wow the food judging elite.
This show is going to be a LOT more exciting than I thought it would be - and that is saying a lot. There aren't many shows that I watch live any more. I'll let it record on my DVR and wait fifteen minutes just so I can fast forward through commercials. The only shows that we, on a regular basis, are too excited to wait the fifteen minutes. The first is Castle on ABC. The second is Burn Notice on USA. And the third is Next Iron Chef. Pretty elite company in our house.

Next Iron Chef. Now with Superpowers!

2011-10-31T11:31:00.000-04:00

I am a Food Network junkie. It is often the default station on our cable box. It's generally safe for the whole family and something worth running in the background. I find it extremely entertaining. I got hooked on it when I was in my mid-20s. I cut my teeth on Alton Brown's Good Eats and Emeril's various shows. I remember back when Bobby Flay was an atrocious, abrasive, arrogant disaster - instead of the flagship icon of the Food Network empire. I have been there for the changing of the guard, as Emeril and Mario Batali exited and were replaced by Robert Irvine and Guy Fieri. I have gone from thinking Alton Brown was the most brilliant man on television to being thankful he ended his show, due to his smug sense of self worth.

The network originally was full of your standard cooking shows. But somewhere along the line, they decided that they should get into the cooking competition game. The concept is brilliant and ridiculous all at once. You get to see these brilliant chefs and bakers race to create increasingly complex dishes, cakes, pumpkin carvings, whatever. It is fun and exciting to watch this process - knowing we, as viewers, would be as out of our element among them as in the 100 meters race in the Olympics. But, the judging is so freaking subjective. That's part of the entertainment value, I think. You see these people create this hugely intricate ten foot cake or this unbelievably artistic meal using virtually no ingredients, and then the judges have to decide a winner. How do you possibly quantify that?!? But these challenge shows have become a massive part of Food Network's lineup. Then are extremely successful, entertaining, and addictive. From Cupcake Wars to Cake Challenge to Chopped to Dinner Impossible to the new Sweet Genius.

The whole system is, in fact, genius. While Food Network is punching out these relatively inexpensive shows with huge followings, they also are generating new on air talent. They can throw three people up there as judges and it gives them credibility. We have no clue who these jokers are. But if they are good enough to judge, they must be someone special. And, when someone does a superlative job in a competition, suddenly you will see them in more competition shows, or featured on Best Thing I Ever Ate, or they'll get their own show. Brilliant talent mining. The two most obvious of these type of talent identification shows are Next Food Network Star and Next Iron Chef. Both of these shows are wildly popular. They have huge stakes - a guaranteed hosting gig and the considerable heft of the Food Network marketing machine behind you. The winners aren't always guaranteed home runs - though some are massive successes (Guy Fieri, Michael Symon, Aarti, Melissa D'Arabian). And you don't have to win to gain a career. (Aaron Sanchez lost Next Iron Chef and still became a huge star on the network.)

The Next Iron Chef is like the Super Bowl of competition shows. Food Network has taken the title of Iron Chef and made it their highest honor. You can be a James Beard winner, an owner of multiple restaurants, a host of your own show. But unless you are an Iron Chef, you still haven't reached the pinacle. And the way these chefs talk about the title, it is like the entire restaurant community are all lusting after this goal. (I severely doubt this is true. But it makes for good television.) We know the Iron Chef is all a big gimmick. Ever time "The Chairman" pops up, I have to laugh. On the original Japanese show, the guy who played The Chairman was unknown to Americans. So he had this mystique of possibly being a crazy guy who created the whole competition. But on the American version, The Chairman is obviously an actor. He competed on Dancing with the Stars. He is the main bad guy on Hawaii Five-O. Whenever he shows up, I'm like, "Someone go call Scott Caan. Yo Fat is right there! They can arrest him!"

They've had Next Iron Chef three times. The first time, it made sense. The original Iron Chefs were slowly being phased out, getting older. Wolfgang Puck wasn't part of the stable any more. Mario Batali was on his way out of his perch at Food Network. They had brought in Cat Cora at some point. But there basically were just three people doing the job - Bobby Flay, Morimoto, and Cora. So, adding a fourth made sense. It was a great show. And any of about five guys could have won and done well. It came down to Michael Symon and John Besh. I was rooting for Besh, but looking back I know that Symon made a better winner. He's been a superstar for the network. Big win. The second year, the show was still good. But the winner, Jose Garces, was one of those winners that played it safe. He was good, but not brilliant. There were others who were better in certain weeks, but they would have a fantastic flame out at some point and get eliminated. I have been very disappointed in Garces as an Iron Chef. This is probably why he is rarely used. Last year, the competition again was brilliant. But, we saw a little bit of Food Network trickery. They stuck Ming Tsai into the competition. I wrote about this at the time. I think the network was secretly hoping he would win, because it would have made sense for him to be an Iron Chef. He could have been one in the first place. He ended up third. Marc Forgione beat Marco Canora in the final.

Either one was talented enough to be the winner. But, again, Food Network had an Iron Chef that just wasn't really as good as he should have been. I think Canora, in retrospect, would have been the better Iron Chef because throughout the show he was the better showman. Forgione's personality is much calmer. That doesn't work in Kitchen Stadium. Part of the reason that the Iron Chefs work is because they are so over the top. This wasn't true in the original Japanese show, but it is true in the American version. They aren't obnoxious. But they know how to play to the camera. Flay, Cora, Batali, Morimoto, Symon (and Puck, when he did it), were great on camera. They had their own shows. They knew what worked and didn't. So they made the challenges seem harder. They sold their food better. They worked the judges better. Part of what makes it so difficult for a chef to come in and win the Iron Chef battle is that they don't know HOW to work the room. They may be arrogant or cocky, but they can't handle the clock or they seem overly nervous with the judges. Garces and Forgione still don't have the camera presence.

So, this year, Food Network made a brilliant decision. Instead of searching America for the top chefs again, they just went the Celebrity Chef route. They took a bunch of these judges, hosts, and challenge winners they've been developing for years and put them in as contestants. Absolutely brilliant. Now, not only do they know these guys can cook, but they also are people who are used to the clock AND they know how to sell it to the camera. It was a master stroke. In addition, instead of just having a challenge each week and cutting someone, they have a challenge to determine the bottom TWO. Then those two have to have a cut throat battle to see who gets tossed. I LOVE it. The only trap for Food Network is who to kick off first. You don't want to reveal any of your big wigs as paper tigers, or diminish the credibility of your judges. So what do you do?

Now, anyone who watches a lot of food challenge television knows Food Network is not the only gig in town. It is the biggest gig. But there is also Bravo and TLC. Bravo has Top Chef. This show actually is bigger than anything that is run by Food Network. It is seen as a pretty big deal show by entertainment writers and critics. I can only imagine that there is a big rivalry between the Top Chef and Food Network universes. TLC usually comes along and poaches people from Food Network after they have become familiar. Buddy on Cake Boss got famous on Food Network Challenges. TLC had some cake competition last year that was completely made up of people who used to frequent Food Network cake challenges. I have no idea if this played a part in Food Network's stocking of competitors for this run, but I have a sneaky feeling that it did. I even told Heather last night how I thought the eliminations would go - before the episode. Here is a brief rundown of the ten competitors and my expectations for the show.

Anne Burrell - She is a Food Network home grown star. She started off as sous chef to Mario Batali on Iron Chef America, which is going to give her a HUGE advantage in this show. She hosts Worst Cooks in America and Secrets of a Restaurant Chef. She is cocky and has an amazing television presence. And she can cook like no one's business. She has the pedigree and the experience. Plus, every time she competes with Robert Irvine - the other big dog in this show - she beats him. I think she should be one of the final three. Projected Finish - 3rd
Michael Chiarello - Food Network star and mega-big shot chef in California. He is the only Emmy winner in the roster for his show Easy Entertaining with Michael Chiarello. I find him extremely annoying and can't stand his show. But, I am in the minority, I fear. He is extremely resourceful and talented. The other chefs really admire him. He has the self-confidence and talent. But I think he is too calm - and they don't need another guy like that. I think he is one of the middle ones to go. Projected Finish - 5th
Elizabeth Falkner - She is primarily a pastry chef, but can do anything. She is one of the Top Chef/Food Network hybrids. She has competed in Iron Chef America and has appeared on several Food Network shows. BUT she also was a judge on Top Chef and a competitor on Top Chef Masters. This means that she is recognizable, but is still expendable to Food Network. If she surprises and goes far, no harm. But if she gets cut early, no harm either. Plus, she's too Zen to make good TV. Projected Finish - 7th
Alex Guarnaschelli - Apparently she is a brilliant chef, since she is the executive chef at Butter - a big shot restaurant in NYC. But her resume is filled with judging roles on Food Network. She now has her own show, Alex's Day Out. But she is primarily a judge. (This allows her to sit behind a desk. I've noticed how Food Network only shoots her from mid-torso up as much a possible. I think she's self-conscious about her figure. I watch too much tv.) After watching the first episode, where she was paired with Falkner and looked like the weaker link, I am not sure how far she can go in this. But she is a TERRIFIC tv personality and food describing type person. Basically, she's a great judge. I don't think she can make it as an Iron Chef. But she can't get eliminated too early without hurting her judging status. Projected Finish - 6th
Chuck Hughes - Who? Yeah, exactly. He's big up in Canada, tho, ya hoser. He has a show on The Cooking Channel - which is Food Network's poorer and less important sister channel. (Like Pippa Middleton, only with less body. Haha.) He seems talented. But I have a term for competitors like this: Cannon Fodder. You have to have people on the show that can get eliminated first. Projected Finish - 9th
Robert Irvine - The big dog. He is everywhere on Food Network and is bulletproof. He padded his resume and didn't fired. He took a break and got promoted. Plus, his entire resume on television is competition shows - and ones having to pull ideas out of his rear, at that. Dinner Impossible alone means he HAS to be a favorite on this show. Plus, you can easily see him as an Iron Chef. And he hates to lose. He is a Top Three finisher for sure. I think he'll be one of the final two - and should win, except for my Dark Horse. Projected Finish - 2nd (but I won't be surprised if he wins).
Beau MacMillan - I have no idea where this guy came from. He was the first co-host of Worst Cooks in America. But he was abrasive and annoying and had a terrible camera presence - seeming to be winded all the time. He has a Boston accent, but has worked in Scottsdale, Arizone his whole professional life. He's the prototypical example of a lummox. In the Celebrity Chopped competition, he was the first one out. He seems to be overmatched in the competition. And, in the first episode, he was kind of dragged along by his partner. I can't imagine him going far in this competition. Projected Finish - 8th
Spike Mendelsohn - He has no experience on Food Network at all, with the exception of competing on Iron Chef America last year. He is a Top Chef guy. He won it one year and is one of its celebrated alums. He's extremely cocky. And he looks like James Franco with a beard, which makes him even more annoying. Two words: Cannon Fodder. I said this before the show started. I said this when they got down to the bottom two. And I was proved right when he was the first eliminated contestant, even though there were NO COMPLAINTS ABOUT HIS DISH, even though the other guy had several problems with his. Projected (Actual) Finish: 10th
Marcus Samuelsson - Apparently this guy is a genius in the food world. The first time I saw him, he popped up as a judge on an episode of Next Food Network Star. He was at a table with a bunch of other food experts and was labeled as "Marcus Samuelsson, Scandinavian Food Expert." I had no idea how this dark skinned guy was a Scandinavian food expert, or if there even was such a thing. He savaged the contestants' meals on that show - and was dead on with his criticism. Now he's a judge on Chopped. I didn't realized he won Top Chef Masters, since I don't watch that show. He was in the bottom two last night, but I think that is an anomaly - at least for a few weeks. Remember, someone has to lose and all Food Network needs to do with him is keep his judging credibility intact. Projected Finish: 4th
Geoffrey Zakarian - He is like the godfather of Chopped judges. He also has been on 24 Hour Restaurant Battle. I never had heard of this guy until I saw him as a judge. He's the oldest competitor and is extremely well spoken, intelligent, and a brilliant judge. Then he competed in Celebrity Chopped and all the other chefs were terrified of him. Apparently his genius is well known in restaurant circles. He came in second in his Chopped battle, but easily could have won. Then last night, that same fear was in everyone's eyes with him. He won the first round - PAIRED WITH BEAU MACMILLAN, which is like winning a sprint while having a corpse tied to your ankle. I could be totally wrong, but I have this feeling. He's like Ming Tsai last year, where his insane talent will keep him going. His off weeks will probably be better than most of the others' good weeks. He'll easily survive the Cannon Fodder weeks, be consistently better in the middle tough eliminations, and then end up in the Top Three. He could easily disrupt the expected Irvine/Burrell showdown. He is my Dark Horse candidate. I think it is going to come down to Zakarian and Irvine in the final round. If Irvine can bring his Dinner Impossible sous chefs George and David, it will be tough. But I think Zakarian can take it - or he'll come in second to Irvine. Projected Finish: 1st

Hurts Like Heaven

2011-10-29T17:43:00.000-04:00

So much of our time, we are worried about such mundane stuff. I think we like it that way. We're able to distract our brains by getting caught up in minor and trivial concerns. Which superhero is the best. (Batman, of course) Chronic misuse of the words "literally" and "ironic." Whether or not Steve Jobs actually died the day after the iPhone 4S was introduced or if the news was held until that day. We love to get all wrapped up in those kind of debates.

If we aren't debating if Two and a Half Men is better or worse without Charlie Sheen, we are usually wrapped up in our serious and personal issues. Financial woes. Job concerns. Car wrecks and repairs. (At LEAST two weeks to fix our van? Whaaaa?) What church we should attend. When to get involved in problems at our kids' schools. These are definitely important issues and deserving of our attention. But, for the most part, they affect just us. People living in Duluth probably could care less about if we work out issues between our daughter and Katie. (They are too busy avoiding frostbite in September.) But we definitely care about these things and spend a ton of time worrying about them.

From time to time, we are forced to think about bigger picture items - things that actually have meaning and depth. This seems to bug us. We want to get back to the useless and trivial matters. It is uncomfortable dwelling in this more important level of issues. There is controversy there. After 9/11, The Onion ran a classic headline that (edited by me) said, "A Shattered Nation Longs to Care About Stupid B.S. Again." We try to get away from the more serious stuff as soon as possible. Or, we manage to fixate on the minors of the major issues. The whole "Occupy" movement brings with it debate and passionate opinions on both sides. But when we joke about the fact that over 75% of the mass of the solar system is taken up by just one planet, so we should Occupy Jupiter, then we can ignore the bigger picture. Once we decide to go Occupy Okahumpka, we then spend twenty minutes deciding on whether to wear our slouchy knit cap or our fisherman cap. Marginalization complete! (I kid, I kid. Of course, wear the knit cap.)

Of course, beyond those two issues are those global ones that force us to all take a stand. Things like horrific natural disasters (Japan's tsunami, Haiti's earthquake), political upheaval (Libya, Egypt), and royal weddings (William and Kate) are so large in scope that we can't ignore them forever. We must pay them some level of attention. They demand it. The sheer scope of human suffering (or joy) associated with these draws our minds like a magnet.

So, on the average day, we all have this stuff swirling around in our heads. Most of our attention is focused on the first two areas, with much smaller parts contemplating the last two. Day in and day out, that is how our brains work. But, there are events that can just pierce through that entire process like one of Rambo's exploding arrows.

"Hey, it's mom. The doctor said that I have Grade 3 Endometrial Cancer."

Just that quickly, all of that other stuff just disappears. We had suspicions something wasn't right. There were unexplained medical issues, bleeding that definitely shouldn't happen. The doctor had tried to push up the results appointment by two days, so they could "get started on doing what needs done." I've been around doctors enough to know that they never push appointments up by two days to give happy news. But now it was final. The big question was answered, with an avalanche of new ones now developing. We don't know the severity, the progression, the treatment, the long term outlook. Now it is just grappling with that earth-shattering revelation.

I think that the scariest thing in the world is cancer. Seriously, every year Hollywood churns out movies trying to scare the snotballs out of people. They could just nail it with having a doctor come up to the various people seated in the auditorium and saying, "Excuse me, could you come out to the lobby with me? There was something abnormal in your test results." No pea soup spitting infant will every rival the terror that grips a person when the physician starts dropping the C Word. It used to be that cancer was seen as a death sentence. But treatments have gotten so much better in recent years that we hear about people surviving all the time. We all know people that have had cancer. And the crazy thing is that we all know people who have beaten it. But it still is scary because we know that there is still a worst case scenario. And we know that often the treatment seems worse than the disease. It isn't an easy thing to fight cancer. It takes everything you have. I think that's why you "get over" most other illnesses and "beat" cancer. It is a fight. Fighters don't "get over" their opponents. They "beat" them. And they never really get over them.

I think it is natural to imagine the worst case scenario when you get news like that. You really can't help it. In that first moment when the news clears out all the riff raff in your mind, your entire mental processing power is focused on that one piece of news. And that means that your mind runs in a hundred different directions all at once. You think of the people who have beaten cancer. You think of the people who haven't. You think of what it will take to actually win the fight. And you think of what happens if you lose. That last one is the part that makes you think of the worst. What happens if she dies? Ugh. What a horrible thought. I know that there are people who say, "Don't let your mind go there. She is still alive and can still beat this." I know that very well. My mom is a fighter - she's already faced cancer, among numerous other terrifying things. She has MS. She has an arachnoid cyst in her spine. She has suffered through abuse and life experiences that would have shattered most people. And she did it with grace and dignity. So I know she can win. But that haunting question of "what if..." is still so potent.

I love my mom. She is an incredible person. I've written about her before on this blog. I know that at some point that she will move on from this life. I just don't think I'll ever be ready for it. I've lost people I care about before. One grandfather died when I was 11, one grandmother when I was 13. The other grandfather died when I was 16. My dad passed away when I was 25 and my other grandmother when I was 30. Heather's maternal grandparents passed away this summer and in 2009. I've experienced this before. But my mom is a different story. I remember when my dad died, the thing that just floored me was when I got to the house and he wasn't in his chair. I was just used to seeing him in that chair. With my mom, I think about the day when I won't be able to call her and know she's home and willing to talk. Even if it is just twenty minutes of me venting - she's always there. It is weird when she's out when I call. I can't imagine how hard it will be when she isn't there at all. That day, obviously, isn't today. But it is awfully hard to keep my mind from veering in that direction from time to time.

The hardest thing was breaking the news to my kids. I knew it would be hard for me. But I couldn't imagine that pain could actually be worse. When I looked at Josiah and Natalie and told them what was going on, my heart broken in a different place. I told them that she can beat this. I told them how many people we know have beaten cancer. But their little minds did the same dance mine did. I saw the fear in their eyes - the anger, the hurt, the questions. It was horrible. Again, my kids were close to Heather's grandparents and so they've seen death. But this was a whole different level of pain. It was awful. There's only so much you can say. Even when you're a kid, you know that word is terrifying. My own heart hurt like I couldn't believe. Having to hold Natalie hours later as she thought about not being able to go to Grammy's house to bake cookies was just too much to take.

For a couple of days, I had trouble really concentrating on thing like work and baseball. I think I was just worn out by the end of the day. I kept falling asleep in my chair before 10pm. So, apparently I missed the greatest baseball game ever played, among other things. And my heart hurt. I would say it "hurt like heck," but that wasn't it. The hurt was tempered, like it was with my dad and Heather's grandparents. When Coldplay's new album, Mylo Xyloto, came out, their second song gave me what it felt like. The title of the song is "Hurts Like Heaven." The song has nothing to do with what is going on here, but the phrase stuck with me. It perfectly described what I was feeling. It hurt like Heaven. There was a level of pain that came from the thought of my potential loss. There was the fear and apprehension. There was all of the normal human emotions and feelings. But, there was also another element that brought a strange peace. It was good to know what exactly we were facing. It could answer many health problems that had surfaced lately with my mother.

But the biggest part is that I don't fear for my mother. I know she is in God's hands. I know what will happen to her when she does die - whenever that is. She will be home in Heaven with the God she loves and has diligently and passionately served for 35 years. She won't hurt any more. She will be free of the crooked skeleton. Her eyes will see clearly again. It won't hurt her to walk around. She will be whole and healthy and free. How can that be a bad thing? Yes, we will miss her horribly here. But she will finally have what she has lived for. She'll get to be with Jesus. And that means our pain is temporary. It may be intense and crippling and awful. But it will end.

It is impossible for me to think of this upcoming challenge without this mindset. We will go through the treatments and surgeries and appointments. We will try to tackle this illness and do whatever possible to win. We will pray for healing and for wisdom. But, even if the worst case scenario happens, my mother gets to experience wholeness and healing and happiness like it is impossible to know on Earth. But that is a thought for another day. We appreciate your prayers. This isn't going to be easy. It has a way of shaking up a normal routine - both physical and mental. But God is still in control. We still have time and hope. And my mom is still answering her phone.

Now in 3D!!!

2011-10-17T11:20:00.000-04:00

A couple weeks ago, we all went to see Lion King 3D during its "Not As Limited As We First Thought Engagement." My wife and I were huge fans of the original. I remember seeing it in the theater when it first came out. I was home from college during the summer of after my sophomore year. It was maybe the only movie I ever saw with both of my parents in the theater. I loved it. My mom wasn't that big of a fan of it. I don't remember what my dad thought. I bought the soundtrack and had the movie on VHS when it came out. I had hoped my kids would like it too. We have the DVD and they've watched it before. But the chance to see it on the BIG SCREEN - and in 3D!!! Plus we had some Disney movie vouchers and ten bucks on my AMC Stubs card.

My wife and I were taken in all over again. The movie is so majestic and incredible. The score and soundtrack and phenomenal. And the story is very powerful - with elements of Star Wars and Macbeth woven throughout. It was beautiful in 3D. But it reminded me of those old Viewmaster discs that made a "three dimensional" picture that looked suspiciously like a pop up book. It worked better than some newer 3D movies, though. It didn't resort to cheap tricks like things flying at the screen. But it didn't take me in like I was hoping. It probably was because the film was a 2D classical animation, and you just can't make that completely 3D. The other reason is because Lion King was about the closest thing to a 3D movie as you could get without it really being one in the first place. The attention to detail and the depth of the original film was already engrossing. Scenes like the animals coming to see the newborn Simba, with Zazu flying overhead was already powerful. In 3D it was even cooler. But I didn't walk away saying that it improved the movie that much. I would have enjoyed seeing the original on the big screen anyway, so the 3D was kind of icing.

[Side Note: Josiah loved the movie. Natalie didn't like it because it was too dark and violent. Gabe didn't care for it at all and spent most of the movie crawling all over us and playing on Heather's phone. I had forgotten just how dark the movie was. That's probably the reason I liked it so much. Of course, I was 20 the first time I saw it. Soooooo....]

It made me think about 3D movies in general. Lion King 3D was a runaway success. It took in 90 million dollars during its brief run. New movies would kill for that kind of box office. This was a movie that had been out for sixteen years and was coming on Blu-ray three weeks later. Disney spent about $10 million on the 3D transfer and maybe another $10 million on promotion. So a $70 million profit isn't a back month for the Mouse. That doesn't count the increased sales of the Blu-Ray packs that came from the new generation of fans from the re-re-release. (It had previously been re-released on IMAX in 2002 and took in $15 million there.)

We have been inundated with 3D movies. The reason why is obvious. It's all about the green. The average movie can be transferred to 3D for between $2 million and $5 million. Movie theaters charge an extra $4 per 3D ticket. So that means that a movie can generate an extra $20-$50 million from that small investment. The problem is that most of these 3D titles aren't delivering on the added cost. So we are seeing the box office of 3D movies dropping. Movies that were expecting boffo 3D money are underperforming pretty consistently. Many in the industry have wondered if it is the death knell for 3D movies. I don't think it is. Have you ever known Hollywood to leave money on the table? Even an underperforming 3D movie (think Harry Potter 7.2, Pirates 4, Green Lantern, Green Hornet) can pull in an extra $20 million from that small transfer. Would YOU give up $20 million? Yeah, neither would the movie studio. [Another Side Note: I'm not saying Harry Potter 7.2 underperformed. $1 billion worldwide box office is NOT underperforming. Its 3D numbers were disappointing to Warner Brothers.]

From what I've seen, there are three types of 3D movies coming out right now: the 3D Film as Investment, the 3D Film as Experience, and the 3D Film as Event. To me, the breakdown is probably about 70/20/10 for those three categories. And that is probably why we are seeing such a backlash against 3D movies in general.

The 3D Film as Investment is the movie where the studio executive is saying, "You know, we could do a 3D transfer on this movie and make an extra $30 million. We're already going to make a lot. Let's make more and improve the movie's bottom line. Maybe I can buy another BMW." These are movies like Captain America, Alice in Wonderland, Clash of the Titans, Harry Potter, Despicable Me, Gnomeo and Juliet. The movie doesn't really get any better through being in 3D. It may have a few extra moments that feel cool. There are some 3D gimmicks thrown in. But your feeling for the movie isn't going to improve much wearing those glasses. In fact, it may actually HURT the movie. Take Captain America. I saw this movie twice this summer - once in traditional format and once in 3D. And I saw them in that order. I loved the movie. It really exceeded my expectations. I liked the performances, the characters, even the look. The 1940s scenes had an old time hue to them. It almost had a washed, sepia tint that you didn't even notice until the 2011 scenes. The whole movie looked different. It was a nice visual element. In 3D, though, I kept noticing the annoying stuff. When Cap was racing on top of a train, it looked like an action figure on a toy train. It made all the FX look faker. It actually made the film LESS believable. I probably would have not had such a high opinion of the film if I had seen it in reverse order - 3D first and 2D second. Actually, I may not have seen it twice at all. If that had been the case, the theater really messed up their accounting. Getting two tickets is better than getting an extra $4 on one ticket.

Generally, I avoid this type of 3D film. It's not worth it. It takes your brain and eyes a while to buy into the 3D format in the first place. Some elements don't work and seem clunky. And the gimmicks are just insulting. I usually will just see the 2D version of this movie. I saw movies like Thor, Harry Potter, Toy Story 3, and Cars 2 in traditional format. It just wasn't worth the extra money - especially when you are talking about that surcharge on every ticket (between two and five, depending on who in our family went). I usually can tell what stuff they stuck into a movie to make it "worth the 3D upcharge." In Harry Potter 7.1, I sat there and pointed out seven different scenes to Heather that were filmed for the 3D transfer that they ended up not doing. I did the same thing with Thor. I don't find that endearing. I find that insulting. Make a good movie. That will suck me in. I don't need gimmicks.

The 3D Film as Experience is a movie where your experience is actually improved by the 3D format. You know, the kind of movie that this was developed for - the kind that they should limit 3D movies to. Usually, this kind of movie is not transferred to 3D; it is actually filmed in 3D. (Although that is not always the case. For example, there was no way to salvage Pirates 4, even though it was shot in 3D.) Movies in this class are films like Avatar. The movie was made in 3D and was designed to be experienced in 3D. I would argue Tron: Legacy would fall into this category. I actually really liked that movie. The scenes in the "real world" were shot in traditional 2D. When they went into the computer world, it became 3D. And it BECAME 3D. It sucked you in and you were IN that world. The movie was better that way. These movies are hard to come by. Truthfully, documentaries seem to do this better. I will be more willing to see this type of film than the first type. The new Amazing Spiderman 3D looks like it will fit into this category. It is being filmed and created in 3D. One of the goals of the filmmaker is to actually let the viewer feel like Spiderman as he swoops through town. The first preview showed some of that. That's a movie worth seeing in 3D - if they can pull it off.

The 3D Film as Event is the rarest of the 3D crop. This is a movie that becomes a "must see." You could argue that Avatar moved into this category after its release. Everyone was seeing it. It was the highest grossing movie of all time. So, even though it was an experience, it became more than that. People felt left out if they didn't see it. (And the backlash hipster crowd refused to see it BECAUSE everyone saw it.) Lion King would definitely be in this category. Beauty and the Beast also fell into this group when it came out in 3D a few years back. You often will see a re-release of a big movie fit into the Event category. Coming up next year, you will see more films fall into this group. Titanic is coming to 3D on April 6, 2012. That movie was such a mammoth event when it came out that I fully expect it to do big business. Plus, James Cameron is THE king of the world . . . of 3D. So, expect it to deliver the goods. Star Wars begins its trek to 3D, and its eventual release on 3D Blu-Ray, next year. Episode 1 hits theaters on February 10. The plan is to release the entire series, one per year. But, recent buzz has been that George Lucas may not follow through if Episode 1 bombs. (Brilliant strategy, leave the fate of the series in 3D to arguably the worst film of the series. Don't start with Episode IV or anything.) Personally, I don't know if I will see Titanic when it comes out. I liked the movie, but I'm not in love with it. My son and I are already making plans to see Star Wars, though.

I don't think 3D movies are going anywhere. There is too much money in the format. In addition, with the growing market of 3D Blu-Ray players, 3D televisions, and 3D tv stations, it just seems like it will hang on for a while - even if it doesn't deserve to. I think we have seen a movement where moviegoers are expressing their distaste for stupid 3D releases, just like they revolted against unnecessary IMAX movie offerings. Those special formats are best left to movies that deserve the added attention - movies that are Experiences or Events. Those are the kinds that I go to. I already have trimmed back my moviegoing in general. I don't go to everything that comes out. Lots of movies look just fine on my tv and I can handle the $1 redbox rental much easier than the $10 ticket price. I'm not going to waste even more money on 3D gimmicks. It's the same message we've been telling studios for years. But some effort into your films. Make something we want to see, that is worth seeing, and we'll watch it. Instead of putting an extra $2 million into a transfer, put it into screenwriting or directing. If the studios want to see their ticket sales go up, their 3D sales improve, make movies that are worth paying for.

My Little House

2011-09-25T20:36:00.001-04:00

This weekend, my blog came up in conversation a couple of times. (Let's not get into what kind of boring conversations that I dabble in that my blog is a hot topic.) It made me think about my writing and I took a look at my recent posts. I couldn't find any. I realized that I have hardly been posting at all. I've only posted once on this blog since the beginning of August. I haven't written anything on my Darth Fatso blog since July. I haven't even been keeping up with my Fantasy Football League blog - and I usually don't give up on that until the middle of the season. I know that every so often I do one of these examinations and, for a while, I'll get more motivated. But this time, something is different.

Something has been going on with me for a while - and I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. It isn't exactly the same as the depression that I battled back in Tallahassee. But there are some elements of that. I have hesitated to write much about it. It is kind of personal and hard to just put out that for all three of you to read. I remember, though, that other people have benefitted from me exploring my mistakes and stupidity in years past. As the Demotivators poster states so eloquently, "It may be your life is merely to serve as a warning sign to others." Shoot, my entire Darth Fatso blog is basically a giant therapy session. In addition, from some things I have heard from friends lately, I'm not the only one feeling like this.

I have developed a theory. Well, its more like an extended metaphor. Each one of us is like a little house. As we grow up, our house changes to reflect our personality. We plant little flowers and paint the outside like our favorite teams. We hang banners and put garden gnomes out front. It isn't much, but it is kind of who we are. As time goes along, the people in our lives visit the house. Some of these people make our house a little nicer. Maybe they bring a nice potted plant when they come over. Those people also can hurt our house. They can bust out a window or smash into the wall. They can peel the paint and rip up the garden. Unfortunately, it seems like there are more people who fall into this second category. More people are in the demolition business than the home restoration industry.

Those hurts are very real and have wide ranging effects. As a child, we may hear from a parent, "Pardon me, sir, but apparently you think you are talking to someone who gives a s---," when you tell them a story. Or someone may tell our friends, "Just nod and smile and eventually he'll stop talking." That begins to make us feel like no one wants to hear what we have to say. We start to wonder if everyone feels that way, which makes us pull away and worry that when we try to talk to someone they won't really care. We may be ridiculed for being fat and unathletic. It is combined with the way society treats and views overweight people. Mix in constant rejection by the opposite sex. A person starts to feel worthless.

"You're wasting your talents doing something like that instead of earning big money." That means that unless you earn enough you are a failure. "Why did you get the B?" That means that even bringing home A's for years and being valedictorian isn't enough. Perfection is the only way to get approval. When doctors tell you that you that it is all in your head, rather than find out what is wrong, you begin to lose faith in doctors. You feel you have to prove your injury for anyone to believe it - or that it needs to be really severe to deserve attention. We all have these things happen to us. Words, actions, attitudes. They pierce us and wreck havoc on our house. Soon, we learn that the way to survive this damage is to protect ourselves.

We build false walls all around our little house. We plant huge hedges. We construct a corn maze around our property. We add giant decorative topiary in the shapes of our favorite animated characters. In my life, I built these all around me. I developed a very sarcastic way of speaking. I was able to be brutal and cutting and disguise it as jokes. I because extremely judgmental. I felt that I was better than other people because I was smarter or more spiritually discerning or whatever. I was completely oblivious to the fact that it was because I felt so inferior. I would walk into a room and look around. I saw the guys who were better looking than me or more fit than me. I saw the girls who were too good for me. There would be people who were more outgoing and socially comfortable. I felt like a loser. Over time, I started to find what made me feel better - my smarts, my Bible knowledge, my sense of humor. Eventually, I started walking into a room and assuming I was the smartest in there. Worse still, I would judge the others for it.

I turned to food as a solace. Some of that was because that was one of the few things my father and I could relate about. But a lot of it was a comfort. I would when I was sad. I would eat when I was happy. I would eat when I didn't know what I felt like. I found foods that made me feel good and soon reduced my diet almost exclusively to those things. McDonald's burgers, Miami Subs steak subs, mozzarella sticks, desserts, soda. And lots of pizza.

Even with all of those protective measures, sometimes pain would get through. There were people who could still fire an attack that went all the way through the walls, the hedges, the Elmo shaped tree. THOSE wounds were far worse. They would cause more overreaction, more protection. And those levels of defense often included pulling away from those people or becoming very angry or refusing to forgive them. Bitterness sets in. That poisons our relationships with everyone - making us even quicker to judge and slower to get over it. That is where I found myself.

The last thirty months or so have been the most tumultuous of my life. I have gone from working full time to being a stay at home dad. I have lost 100 pounds and completely changed my eating habits. We have gone through the most trying financial stretch of our lives (which is really saying something). My rheumatoid arthritis flared up worse than it ever has been. Heather's grandparents passed away - two people I had grown very close to. I went through deep bouts of loneliness and depression. I began to notice just how damaging my temper and sarcastic words were. I heard my children repeating my comments and saw them copying my behaviors. That forced me to change. The solitude led to much self-examination and chances to work on my shortcomings. Through all of that, I have found that many of these walls and hedges and decorative foliage have been torn down. My unhealthy coping mechanisms have been disrupted.

I have gone back to several people I hurt over the years and apologized for my behaviors and comments. Recently, I went to someone and worked to repair our relationship. I had said things that had hurt him and he had done things that had hurt people close to me. At the end of the conversation, I felt completely different. A huge weight had lifted off of me. I had been carrying that anger and lack of forgiveness for years. But, more than weight, it was almost as if I had seen a massive wall torn down. And for the first time in decades, I saw my little house again. It was battered and damaged. And that terrified me.

As all of those protective coverings disappeared, I began to feel raw and vulnerable. Things that didn't use to bother me hurt me now. I got overwhelmed by the things I had to do. Just trying to look at daily chores, work responsibilities, upcoming events seemed to cause a meltdown. Last Sunday, I just sat on the couch and cried for what seemed like forever. My head hurt and it felt like I busted a blood vessel in my eye. The next day, my eyeball itched and burned all day. All week I felt a little disoriented and weak. Last night, something as simple as forgetting to cut the onions for on the grill started me crying. It is an uncomfortable place to be. I don't like it. Of course, I am worried that people are going to judge me or call me a wuss.

The simple fact is that I have absolutely no idea how to function as myself. At the age of 37, I am trying to learn how to respond to people, events, words, actions in a healthy way. I don't want to go back to developing those protective behaviors - but I need to find a way to be less sensitive. I can't retreat into the person I was before. But I really don't know what to do with the person I am now. For so many years, I lived in the corn mazes and solariums I had built. I don't know how to live in my little house. I never really had taken stock of it to see just how much damage had been done. I don't think I really had even dealt with all of it. I think that I had been so good at deflecting and distracting that I distracted myself. I don't know if I ever really forgave my dad because I never really knew just how much he hurt me. And I have been so busy hurting other people for the last couple decades that I never saw how hurt I was. I've been wrestling with so much guilt about my bad actions and behaviors. And now that I am reaching the end of that list of wronged souls, the last name on it is mine.

I know that you may not buy into all of this. You may write it off a psycho babble - something I certainly believed for many years. For me, though, it is very real. It is still very new. The fact is, I never really liked the person I had become. I didn't like being arrogant and entitled and superior. I don't much like this person either, though it is for different reasons. I don't like him because I don't know how to control him. I don't know how to function and succeed without dipping into my old bag of tricks. I don't like the pain and turmoil. But I'm not going back. I have worked too hard and come too far to not see it through. I know I have a lot of work to do, but it will be worth it.

In that conversation I mentioned, my friend said something profound. We were talking about the process of breaking bad habits. He said, "It certainly isn't easy. It is extremely hard. But so is losing 100 pounds. And you did that. How much worse can this be?" The essential truth to all of this is that I am not doing it alone. I didn't lose that weight alone. God gave me the strength, and He will do it again. And I have a wife and family that loves me and supports me. I have friends who genuinely care about me. These people have seen through the fences and ivy and seen that little house. And they love IT. They love who I really am. And they want to see me figure this out. They can't wait to come visit the place when I'm done.

So as far as the blog goes, I'm sure I will get back to things eventually. It won't be too long until I'm back to writing about UCF's ridiculous ability to get to the next level in sports or examining if the failure of green superheroes to capture the public's affection has something to do with the color itself. And it won't be long until you are sighing and longing for the days when I was forgetting to write. But for now, I have a little work to do. Things are under construction. I hope you'll like the renovations.

10 for 9/11

2011-09-12T17:44:00.001-04:00

I know that I wrote about some of this five years ago (has it been that long already?). But I wanted to again. Yesterday, as a nation we observed the tenth anniversary of the worst terrorist attack in our history. There were tributes running on television almost non-stop for the last week. Sports teams wore flag decals, ribbons, and bandanas. The UCF/BC matchup this past Saturday was especially poignant as the hometown Knights actually honored a BC alumni who gave his life in the World Trade Center while leading a dozen people to safety. You had to be in a cave to miss the tributes; just like it is impossible to forget the event itself. We all know exactly where we were at the moments the towers fell, when the Pentagon was hit, when the fourth plane disappeared into a field. We all know precisely where we were when the world fell apart.

I was standing in a labor and delivery suite at the Orange Park Medical Center, awaiting the arrival of my first child. "You may want to turn on the tv. A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center." The happiest and proudest moment in my life collided with the saddest and most terrifying moment. I know we've told this story so many times, but it is impossible for me to separate those two events. We were forced to deal with becoming new parents at the same time that we were watching parents lose children and children lose parents. We were overwhelmed by the crushing grief and fear that emanated from New York and Washington DC. We finally had to turn off the television once the camera crews started showing the thousands of people holding up hastily made "Have You Seen This Person?" flyers. It became too real and too overwhelming.

I tried as best as I could to ignore what was going on. It was virtually impossible. Everyone was shaken - and understandably so. We were living in the military-heavy community of Jacksonville. No one there knew what these attacks meant. We all knew there had to be retaliation - against who, no one knew. You could feel the tension everywhere. I swear to this day that some of the inferior care my wife received was due to the medical personnel being shell-shocked. After Josiah arrived, we didn't watch the television. I tried to avoid the wall-to-wall coverage on the internet. As a result, we actually mercifully missed out on some of the most painful stories after the initial event.

One of my friends up in Buffalo wrote on his Facebook yesterday that he never realized just how much he was still in shock over the 2001 attacks until yesterday. It was the first time the true weight of what happened hit him full force. Last night, we had on the "minute by minute" replay of NBC's coverage. Josiah wanted to watch it, since his birthday always coincides with the anniversary. But, after five minutes or so, I felt myself getting anxious. Even though I knew what was going to happen, I was terrified. After about ten minutes, Natalie just exploded and yelled, "Turn this off!! I can't take it any more!" She was just devastated at what exactly was happening - the fact that all the people on the planes died too, knowing thousands of lives were going to be lost (in the past). I understood completely, because I was feeling the same thing.

I don't think I still have ever truly come to grips with what happened. If I spend too much time thinking about it, I am just consumed by the grief and the scope of it all. It is enough to bury me. I remember right after the attacks, that I fell into the darkest depression I ever experienced. I was so distraught over the loss of life and what this attack meant. I sat there and looked at my little boy and asked myself, "What have I done? How could I have brought this little one into such a horrible place?" I was angry and withdrawn (classic male symptoms of depression). It took months to escape that dark place. And I have to be careful to not spend too much time thinking about that day or I can feel the darkness coming for me - like a Dementor attacking in Harry Potter.

I am sure many would call this avoidance. I don't care. I call it a conscious choice. When I look back at that day, I see two enormous memories. One is dark and horrible. One is bright and wonderful. I choose to focus on the second one.

My firstborn son, Josiah, turned ten at 2:11am this morning. That, to me, is a huge birthday. I remember my tenth birthday, how I felt like I really was growing up. I was double digits. I had lived a decade. I was in the upper grades of elementary. So it was a huge deal to me that Josiah was turning ten. My little boy has turned into a very big boy. He will be in middle school in two years. I am very proud of the young man he has become. He is brilliant and talented. I am blown away by his artistic talent. I have told him that between his artistic talent, his brilliant mind, and his knowledge of math and science he has all the tools necessary to create something absolutely incredible. He could be a George Lucas or James Cameron or Steve Jobs or CS Lewis.

His brain has always impressed me. Just this afternoon, he was standing in the living room running through all the ways that terrorists could still attack - despite improved security procedures. The stuff he was coming up with (sleeper cell agents, deep cover agents, attacks using trucks or boats) was right out of Hollywood filmmaking. The thing is, he's never seen those movies or read those books. He was just thinking and generated these very intricate scenarios. He's already created several fictional worlds for his comic books - and of course he's adapted popular ones to fit his needs as well. I remember last year, he had to write sentences for his spelling words. So he would write all twenty sentences as a story and incorporate words into each successive sentence. I was just blown away.

He's always shocked and surprised us. He sat up in his stroller at three months and was mistaken for a nine month old. He walked at seven and a half months. He was carrying gallon bottles of water around our apartment at nine months. He had all the planets memorized before he was two. When Pluto was demoted from planet status, I had tons of people come up to me from his preschool to ask me what he thought. I told them to ask him. "I think it's dumb. Some scientists don't want Pluto to be a planet any more. Doesn't make any sense." People wanted to know what a preschooler felt about astronomy. It just cracked me up.

When he was born, I remember watching him through the window of the nursery. Heather's parents and their close friends, the Delisis, were standing there. These friends are as close as family - their daughter has known Heather since first grade. They came up to the hospital to wait for Josiah to come. When they arrived, they said, "We could stay home and be sad or we could come up here and celebrate life." We all stood in the hallway after he was born and looked at him. Mrs. Delisi said something about God having a reason why Josiah was born this way on this day. "He is going to bring such joy on a dark day. He already has. God has something big planned for him." Josiah himself told me once, "We're going to do big things for God." It was completely unprompted and something I tucked away. I don't know what exactly his path will hold, but I feel confident that Josiah is going to be involved in something big.

I choose to focus on my son's birthday. I choose to focus on the joy and love that having him brings. It isn't that I don't want to honor those who fell on that day. I wore a 9/11 memorial badge all day. I saw a Marine in the restaurant we ate at for lunch and made a point to go and thank him for his service. I talked to my kids about what 9/11 meant and what happened. But if we spend too much time being crushed and crippled by that day, that actually dishonors those who sacrificed. They died to ensure that we can still live our lives and live them to the fullest. It's kind of like what Tom Hanks' character says to Matt Damon's in Saving Private Ryan. "Make your life worth this." I want to make my life worth their sacrifice. And I want Josiah's life to as well. I try to teach him about making the most of his abilities, not settling for less than is best. I don't want him to waste his copious talents. In future years, we will have the discussion about why he was born that day and what he can do in his life to honor that event. For now, though, he is still bringing hope and joy for the rest of us just by being himself.

For a long time, I hated the fact that we had to experience his birth on the same day as something so tragic. But, when I think about it now, I realize that we actually had a wonderful gift in the fact that we had something to amazing and incredible to think about instead. I really didn't have to go through what a lot of other people did because I had this little baby. Whenever it got too hard to handle, when the news got too bad, I could hold him and find a place of joy and hope. It is easy to recognize things like that in retrospect. I thank God so much that I have had him in moments like those. And I thank God that he is my son. He has made me a better man, a better father. And it has been a true joy and honor to be a part of his life. And I still can't believe he just turned ten...

NetFlicked

2011-08-09T10:50:00.000-04:00

The other day, I saw the awesome looking trailer for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. (Here is a link so you too can be impressed. And, yes, that brief flash you saw is Sawyer.) I was thinking about the Mission Impossible movie franchise and thought that I would like to watch them again before the new film came out. I thought the first film was amazing - a very rare action film that was brainy and brilliantly written. As good and smart as the first one way, the second one was stupid. The best part about it was that I had just come back from Australia and was able to sit there and point out all the places I had been. I didn't see the third one when it was in theaters because I had a strong aversion to violent movies at that point. But I have caught most of it over the years and thought it wasn't bad. I definitely wanted to give it another chance.

So I decided to go back and watch those movies again. I own the first one on DVD. So that's easy enough to watch. But, how would I go about securing the second and third movies? This used to be a pretty easy proposition. Get in the car, drive to Blockbuster or Movie Gallery, get the movies, go home. But now, that isn't so easy. When we lived up in Tallahassee, I watched as all the video rental places disappeared. Literally. Every single Blockbuster and Movie Gallery closed. The stores couldn't compete with the cheaper options: Netflix and Redbox. Blockbuster even helped kill itself by creating the Blockbuster Express kiosks housed in places like Publix. So, the thought of going to the movie store has become a very foreign idea. There are only eight Blockbuster stores in the entire Orlando area. None of those stores are within a reasonable driving distance from downtown.

I am part of the reason that the stores all closed. We started using Netflix a few years ago and it quickly became a much easier option. Much of what we were interested in was available over their streaming option. And if it wasn't, we could usually put it on our DVD queue and get it within a couple of days. The newer films were easily (and cheaply) available at one of the dozens of Redbox kiosks at 7-11 or Walmart or McDonalds. Or, I could just grab it when I was grocery shopping at Publix.

I was quite content with this plan until my decision to watch the Mission Impossible series. I checked Netflix. The first movie was available through streaming, but I already have it. Neither of the other two films were on the instant queue. They were available on disc. I knew from past experience that there was no way MI2 or MI3 would be in the Redbox or Blockbuster Express inventory - they were too old. So, no stores in the area. No instant streaming. No kiosk renting. My options were now stripped down to buying the DVDs somewhere (uh, no thanks) or getting them through Netflix on disc.

Now, this all happened on the same day that Netflix decided to flex its money grubbing muscles. They split their membership options into Streaming and Shipping. You couldn't have both any more, unless you were willing to pay twice what you were paying. Instead of $9 a month, it was $16. I, like many others, took great offense at this proposition. In fact, I went on my Netflix account and changed it to just streaming within minutes of learning of their sneaky move. So, now I didn't even have the option to get the discs from Netflix. Blockbuster kindly offered a new streaming rental service within days - and I could get MI2 through it for $3. But MI3 still was unattainable. The only way I could just sit down and watch MI3 was to rent it through iTunes on my computer (since I don't have Apple TV).

This brings up an interesting conundrum. For convenience's sake, consumers have actually limited their choices. Movie studios have to be nervous about this turn of events. What do they do with their back catalog? I know that Netflix and other companies have been trying to force us into all streaming for movies. It makes sense on their end. They don't have to pay shipping or deal with physical inventory. Their only real cost is licensing (which they would pay either way) and bandwidth. In comparison, that is a much cheaper option. That is why we have seen so many companies jump into the online on-demand movie business. We have seen companies like Netflix and Vudu and Amazon and Facebook and even Blockbuster all leap into the fray. It is a big money move. But, what does that mean for older movies that are not in the instant inventory?

What it means is that movie studios are going to be forced to allow their films to go that route. The other option is that studios will have to go back to a day where their movies were not available to consumers after their theatrical run. Yes, people still can buy the DVD and watch the movie on cable or On Demand. But after the initial burst, it will be harder for consumers to get the film without paying full price for the physical disc. I don't see studios being happy about losing that rental income. That used to be what could turn a movie profitable if it was disappointing in the theater. I remember back when the movie Hudson Hawk came out when I was in high school. It was this big budget action comedy with Bruce Willis. My friends and I thought it was hilarious. But most people didn't get it and so it tanked in the theaters. However, once it came out on video, those fans of it could spread the word and get others on board. It actually became a pretty big hit on video - which turned the movie into a profitable film. It was a similar story for movies like Last Action Hero and The Cable Guy. They were misunderstood or poorly marketed in theaters and only really got the appreciation they deserved on video.

There have been tons of movies that gained a second life on video. Films like Donnie Darko, So I Married an Axe Murderer, Shawshank Redemption, Fight Club, Office Space, The Big Lebowski, Tron, and Blade Runner became huge hits thanks to their life on video. What is going to happen with movies like that in today's environment? The initial burst on video release will still help a film. But it really is that period in between the point where a movie is on the "New Release" wall and where it hits the "Instant Queue" status where it gains cult success status.

Let's look at Shawshank Redemption as an example. It was criminally mishandled when it came out in theaters in September of 1994. The biggest thing that it was marketed with was the line "from the short story by Stephen King." If you see that, what do you think? Horror film. That's what I thought when I saw it. I passed that movie up several times in theaters because I had no clue what in the world it was about. A prison? Stephen King? Some actors I am not really emotionally attached to? It got nominated for seven Oscars, including Best Picture - which gave it some box office bump. Still, the movie grossed under $30 million. It didn't win any Oscars because it was nominated in one of the greatest years ever. The Best Picture films were Forrest Gump, Pulp Fiction, Shawshank, Quiz Show, and the inexplicably included Four Weddings and a Funeral. Other films that came out that year included: Lion King, True Lies, Natural Born Killers, Nobody's Fool, Ed Wood, Speed, Interview with a Vampire, Maverick, Legends of the Fall, Hoop Dreams, The Mask, and Dumb and Dumber. It is little wonder it got overlooked.

On video, though, it gained life. People remembered that it had been nominated for Oscars. In the Blockbuster model, they could stroll through the store and look at the case and read it. They could see that it wasn't a horror movie. They started to hear other people who had watched it. Word of mouth overcame the horrible marketing. Other movies would come out and have their videos cover an entire section of the wall for a couple weeks. But, soon, they would be forgotten. Shawshank sat there in its smaller numbers and were constantly checked out. The popularity on video led TNT to purchase it to show. It gained a HUGE popularity on that channel. Even to this day (fourteen years after it first aired), TNT shows it at least every other month. The movie is on most Top 100 lists. It is hard to find someone who hasn't seen the movie - and most of them agree that it was incredible. That never would have happened without the video opportunities.

That is a movie that is going to be hurt in this new model. So will movies that came out before there was such a streamlined DVD process - ones from the 1970s and 1980s. I remember the headache of trying to find the original Tron before the sequel came out. It wasn't available anywhere. I couldn't find it to buy at Walmart or Best Buy or Target. It wasn't available at all on Netflix (streaming or DVD) or in Redbox. On Amazon, it was only offered on VHS or some lame DVD transfer - usually for a ton of money. (Disney really dropped the ball on that whole process. I know they wanted to reintroduce it on DVD and Blu-Ray when the new one came out that way. But they probably cost themselves a lot in box office income by not having the original available.) The only place you could get Tron was at a video rental store that had held onto its copy - something that there were none of in Tallahassee.

We are kind of in an in-between phase. I'm sure that movie studios will have to buckle and make their whole film inventory available through streaming. Right now they are really losing out on exposure. A lot of people are only going to go with streaming options. So, movies that aren't available that way are toast. Honestly, I'm not sure how much that will help, though. You lose the "walk by" factor in this new model. What you see is limited by logarithms and computer generated suggestions. When you have a whole family sharing an account (like we do), those suggestions get very messed up. My kids watch a ton of Veggie Tales and Cosby Show. So my suggestions are peppered with kids shows and 80s television. (Personally, I don't want to watch Punky Brewster when I have a free moment.) I will miss out on movies I would like because I lose space to dumb suggestions like Phineas and Ferb. And, if I hear about a great movie, chances are I won't be able to get it. [To show you what I mean. Let's say you read my list of great 1994 movies and wanted to see Quiz Show since you missed out on that one. Too bad. Not on instant streaming on Netflix. Not in Redbox. Not streamed or rentable on Amazon. Not available on iTunes. You can buy it or try to find a rental store.]

Personally, I hate what Netflix did. I think they are trying to force the hands of the movie studios. They want the cheaper streaming option on all films. And they were willing to hurt consumers to do it. They knew that very few people would completely dump Netflix over the move - most would do what I did and just drop down to either DVDs or Streaming. Either way, they only lost $1 a month per person. But did they really lose anything? Now, they are offering half the service and still getting 88% of the pay. And, there are going to be people who would bump up to the $16 option just to not lose their selection. And, over time, there will be more people who do that because they will be frustrated by the inability to find older movies. In the long run, they will make more money. And I still will have to jump through hoops to see Mission Impossible 3.

Eva Isabelle Blann, 1920-2011

2011-07-31T22:22:00.000-04:00

Proverbs 31:10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I've heard Proverbs 31 many times in my life. As a man, I was encouraged to find a "Proverbs 31 Woman." This chapter paints a picture of this extraordinary creature who seemingly does it all - and looks good doing it. Naturally, guys WOULD gravitate towards this chapter. I mean, who wouldn't want someone like that? Women, unfortunately, have been saddled with living up to this chick for millennia. Her children may rise up and called her blessed. But future generations call her "troublemaker" and "curve wrecker."

When I was thinking about the life of Eva Blann, it was harder for me to put into words all that I wanted to say. When her husband, H John Blann, passed away two years ago (almost exactly two years), the words just flowed out like my tears. I had spent so much time with him that it just poured out. But when I tried to put a point to my thoughts on Grandma Blann, it wasn't so easy. It wasn't because I didn't love her as much. She was as dear to me as my own flesh and blood family. She treated me just like her biological grandchildren, even though I was an in-law. And we had many conversations as well. But it just wasn't as simple to express.

When Grandma passed away earlier, the first thing to popped to mine was Proverbs 31. And finally I knew what to say. I think my confusion came because there was SO MUCH to put down. As I read through that passage again, I saw Grandma's picture emerging through every line. From the very beginning, about being a woman of good character. This was not ever in doubt. Grandma was the most noble woman of high character I could ever imagine. I remember any time a joke even approached some sort of line, she would just smile and say, "Oh my," or "Oh my stars." Heather has told me about when she was a child that Grandma sat the kids down and gave them a lecture on the meanings of euphemisms when one of the kids dared to say "gosh."

Her husband has full confidence in her. She brings him only good and no harm. I cannot even imagine a couple that were closer than Eva and John. They were just a set. But this is also one area that helped me to know why it was hard to figure out my thoughts. All that time I spent with Grandpa - she was there just about every time. She may have been in the kitchen and we were in the living room. Or she was in the living room and we were in the kitchen. Or she was sitting in her chair reading and not even listening to what we were saying. (Or so it appeared.) She knew he had stuff to do. He needed to minister to me - and she let him. She stepped back and let him do it, but was right there the whole time. It takes an amazing amount of grace to be a pastor's wife. She did it better than just about anyone. She enhanced his ministry because she brought so much to the proverbial table and took absolutely nothing off it.

All the lines about wool and flax and making coverings for the bed just made me think of Grandma. Every one of her grandchildren have an afghan she crocheted for them. There were always blankets and clothes around the house that she had made. When it talks about grasping the spindle with her fingers, I can't help of think about Grandma's hands. She played the piano, she crocheted, she cooked, she worked hard. Her hands were always working (vigorously, like the proverb says). The thing that amazed me when I found it out was that she had nine fingers. This endlessly fascinated my kids, especially the story of how she lost the tenth one. She got bit by a snake while serving as a missionary in Africa. And she lost her finger. But that never seemed to affect her at all. She did more with nine fingers than most did with ten. And most people probably never even knew one was gone.

She gets up when it is night. By the the time I rolled into the picture, Grandma and Grandpa were up in years. And, as is required for all older people, they got up at Oh Dark Thirty. They were up very early and eating breakfast. They also used their early mornings to pray for their family. They had a notebook with every family member's name in it. And they prayed for all of them every day. They also prayed for friends and missionaries and pastors and leaders and anyone else you asked them to. That's how they operated.

So many other little phrases just jump out to me. Opens her arms to the poor. She speaks with wisdom. She watches over her household - and can tell you exactly when the garage went up when you got home. It was like the passage was written about this woman. She did all of those things. She never knew a stranger. Grandma and Grandpa knew everyone who worked at the neighborhood Wendy's. They greeted them every time they went there and talked to them like they had grown up on the same block. This was Wendy's, people. She didn't care. Those people needed love and Grandma was going to love on them.

And when this tremendous woman's life is over, her children do arise and call her blessed. Two weeks ago, all four of her children were down to see Grandma. They came to spend some final time with this incredible lady. The woman who watched her new husband leave on a boat to serve in Africa, knowing she wouldn't see him for months - if everything went well. The woman who delivered a breech baby in an African field hospital. The woman who raised four of the godliest people I have ever met. She never stopped being that woman. She used to spend time with my kids drawing and reading. My youngest one, Gabe, had a special place in his heart for her. He used to come crawl up into her lap in the recliner on Sundays waiting for lunch and have her read books to him. He would pretend to "fix" her walker with a toy wrench. And she loved it. The staff at the assisted living facility she has lived in for the last few years were so heartbroken at the thought of this lady passing away that they desperately clutched at any hope to keep her there. But you can't cure old age. And time runs out for every one of us. It was time for her to go home to see her Heavenly Father and be reunited with her husband. And it was time for us to say goodbye.

You can't just say goodbye to someone like that. The loss of a person that is so incredible just leaves a gaping hole in your life. You know it is inevitable. And in some ways you are glad, just because they aren't suffering any more. But there is a gaping space where they used to be. And then you look around and realize that they are a part of your entire life. There are the physical mementos, like the old books and gifts she has given you over the years. And there are the memories that flood back. But a big part of it is the very foundation on which you stand. She helped to lay that through her sacrifice and love and teaching and serving. It wasn't ever flashy. But it was always meaningful. It always communicated the love of God. It may have just seemed like a peach jello salad brought to a Sunday lunch to a random observer. But it was so much more than that. It was the fact that she remembered that the husband of one of her seventeen grandchildren loved that peach jello salad. And she knew that he and his family were going to be in town for lunch that day. And she wanted him to feel loved. And so she made it and brought it over. She gave him a big hug, like every time she saw him. She saw his big smile at the salad and smiled back. Then she quietly went in the kitchen so that he could spend time with her husband - knowing how desperately he needed to have someone like that invest time in his life. And she prayed for him to get what he needed as she helped set the table.

THAT'S a woman worth praising. That is the kind of woman I hope my daughter grows up to be like. That is the kind of woman I hope my sons are blessed enough to marry. That is the kind of woman that I was fortunate enough to marry and that I thank God every day for. [She learned how to be that kind of woman at the feet of her mother (another example of that kind of woman) and her grandmother.] That is the kind of woman that never sees the limelight and never seeks it. But she will be the happiest person in the world if you gain it. (And she'll also remind you of the dangers of spending too much time in it.) I thank God I had a chance to be a part of her life. And I know I am a better person because she was a part of mine.

Movie Transformer

2011-07-11T15:18:00.000-04:00

From the latest box office numbers, is looks like everyone in America is rushing out to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon. I read on Facebook as dozens of my friends rushed out to see the film - some at midnight the day before it officially opened. Then I read their varied opinions. These ranged from "you will wish you were dead" to "that was the most amazing thing I've ever seen" and just about everything in between. I keep hoping the movie will stop making money, but it doesn't. This makes me wonder what exactly is wrong with me. Why don't I want to see this epitome of a summer action flick? Not only have no interest in seeing it, but I actually have been rooting for it to fail and be awful. Why is that?

I am a movie fan. And I am far from one of those snooty filmgoers that only watch foreign films and limited release films (aka Oscar voters). I am just as likely to avoid an Oscar nominee as a brainless action film. I set my own standards for what I want to watch. They don't have to make sense to anyone else. I really don't care if you think my decisions are stupid. I'm the one who ends up having to sit there. I used to go see just about everything that came out, except for horror films. (I have NEVER liked those.) But now I actively avoid certain movies. What changed?

I spend far too much time thinking about this and came up with reasons. And, more than that, I came up with an exact date when all of this changed. September 11, 2001. Now, I know a lot of things can be hung on that infamous date. You may think it is extreme to blame my increasing disconnect with many movies to that day. But I don't. There are three major reasons that can be traced back to that particular 24 hour time period. But they aren't all what you may think.

REASON 1: REALITY TRUMPED FANTASY
I used to be lustily waiting for big time disaster and action movies. Independence Day, Armageddon, Deep Impact, Godzilla, Volcano, Dante's Peak, The Rock. I loved those movies - even with all the completely impossible plot lines and over the top stupid dialogue and moronic characters. I knew they were far from top notch cinema. But they were sure entertaining. And I was just as amazed as anyone else with the shots of the White House exploding and New York City being demolished. But, when 9/11 happened, the reality came home to roost. The fact is that a city being annihilated is horrific. When it came down to it, no one sat there and thought, "Ooooo, cool. Look at that sucker fall." Instead, we all got nauseated and started crying. Turns out mass destruction and global upheaval wasn't so cool after all. I had trouble disconnecting that reality when I watched movies. I couldn't help thinking about the aftermath. We always are left with scenes of plucky survivors hugging and promising a new day. But the reality would not even be close to that.

As we saw several other major disasters, like the tsunamis in Thailand and Japan and the earthquakes in New Zealand and Haiti, we began to realize the massive human toll in these events. It isn't just special effects. Cities and countries don't just "come back" from that. They are decimated and may never recover. For me, I couldn't always turn that off. In some movies I really like (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Iron Man) I can turn down the volume on those thoughts. But even then, I may have random questions pop up like, "How much money did it cost Gotham to rebuild that elevated train after it got blown up? What did all those people think when their cars got destroyed?" But I couldn't ignore it when movies like 2012 and Day After Tomorrow just cavalierly obliterated these mega cities. That was one of the same things I thought about in the original Transformers. There was this major battle in the middle of downtown. Buildings are getting shredded. City blocks are destroyed. The mayhem is a little too much for me to take.

REASON 2: HUMAN LIFE ELEMENT
The second reason that came from that day was the awakened reality of human suffering. That wasn't so much from the scene in NYC. It more came from the fact that my first child was born at 2:11am on September 12, 2001. In the midst of all that tragedy, my wife was in labor with our boy. And now, I had this little life to protect and care for and hurt for. And suddenly it wasn't so minor to watch lives get snuffed out - even in a fictional context. Subconsciously, I am always aware of the fact that those characters had families. Those thousands of people who just got blasted by an out of control robot had kids who now were orphans.

I know a lot of people say, "It's just a movie. Lighten up." But isn't the point of a movie to have viewers connect with the story on screen? I just connect in a different way. I easily slip myself into the story. As a result, I have a hard time watching movies about kids getting hurt. I don't enjoy movies that have a lot of physical pain or killings. Again, there are some movies that I like enough to disconnect those things. But this plays a major part in how I watch movies. I remember going to see Monsters Inc after our child was born. I had such a hard time because I sat there and kept saying, "This must be killing Boo's parents - to have her missing for days." I actually had to walk out of Finding Nemo when I went to see it in the theater. My pregnant wife was on a mission trip in Germany and my toddler son was staying with his grandparents. The images of a father losing his wife and kids were too much - even if they were fish.

As my kids have grown and I have become more experienced as a father, this has diminished somewhat. I have more experience disconnecting my personal feelings from shows and movies. But I still try to avoid things that spend a lot of time showing kids getting hurt. If a movie shows child abuse, I won't see it. I didn't follow the Casey Anthony case at all. When my wife and I had a free night this summer without the kids, we wouldn't go see Super 8 because I knew kids would be in peril - and our kids were hours away from me. I couldn't just go home and kiss them after the movie. Transformers is just another movie franchise that glorifies violence. People get hurt without much thought. And I just don't like that any more.

REASON 3: KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE
Money isn't so easy to come buy when you are responsible for a family. That combined with high ticket prices means that you have to be choosy when going to films. If I am going to spend $10 on a ticket - or $30 on a family worth of tickets - the movie had better be worth it. I know that critics are usually giant wastes of space. But, when there is an avalanche of bad press and negative reviews, it may not be worth my investment. It used to be that I could use my student discount and get a $5 ticket. If that didn't work out so great, it was only five bucks. And what else was I going to spend the money on? Now, though, it is much more expensive.

When you combine that with the easier access to movies after their theatrical run, it doesn't make sense to risk an unpleasant movie going experience. I have Netflix. For $8 a month, I can watch any of thousands of movies free. So, if there is a film that I wanted to see and wasn't so sure about, it's easy to watch. Or I can go to Redbox a couple months after the theater run and rent the movie for a buck. Or I can buy it on DVD or BluRay for less than a family going to the theater. So now, if I'm not sure about a movie, I just don't go.

It used to be that I would go to any superhero movie that came out - if it was good or not. For Pete's sake, I saw Spawn in the theater. But that changed when I had to buy two tickets, pay a babysitter, or leave my family home to go. Now, I am much more discriminating. Take this year, for example. I saw Thor, Pirates 4, X Men: First Class, and Cars 2. That's pretty standard. I will go see any Pixar movie that comes out. I go to see most Marvel movies - although I avoided the first Hulk and both Fantastic Four. I did NOT go see Green Lantern. I love DC Comics. I prefere them to Marvel. I like Green Lantern. I like Ryan Reynolds. But I had a bad feeling about this one. I could just tell it was going to suck. And, sure enough, it did. It was either going to be phenomenal or a disaster. I guessed right and saved a good chunk of money. If there is a franchise I particularly enjoy (Harry Potter, Bourne, James Bond, Pirates) I usually will keep seeing them until they prove themselves unworthy of that support. Pirates 4 did just that. If they do a fifth film, I will not go see it. I still want to go see Captain America, Cowboys and Aliens, and Zookeeper - and of course Harry Potter 8.

[Side Note: Yes, I realize Cowboys and Aliens seems to violate two of my new rules. But there are several things that make me want to see it anyway. Jon Favreau is making it and I think he is brilliant. It stars Daniel Craig - who I really like. It also has Harrison Ford - who I have always liked. Mix in Sam Rockwell and Olivia Wilde (NO! Not just because she is attractive. She is an intriguing actress. Follow her on Twitter and watch Tron Legacy and you'll see what I mean. This is where I am interested enough in the movie to suppress the other stuff.]

I am even discriminating with kids movies. My kids would go see anything with a G or PG rating if they could. But I don't take them. We have found out how to minimize costs (go Tuesday night to a Regal theater or before noon to an AMC one). But it still is $25 doing that. So, even though my kids wanted to see Mr Popper's Penguins, I didn't take them. That is a Redbox movie. I still love movies and watch a lot of them. But, honestly, I have swayed more to television shows - I think they have a higher percentage of enjoyable ones. And I just watch my movies in different ways than I used to.

So, when it comes to Transformers 3, it fails on all my criteria. It has too much wanton destruction and violence. It is cavalier with human life. And I wasn't sure it was going to be worth seeing. I never saw the second one and didn't feel like I had missed out on anything. I even got the DVD for it from Netflix and sent it back eventually unwatched. Truth be told, I could have been fine without ever seeing the first one either. It wasn't exceptionally enjoyable or life changing. I think Michael Bay knows how to make an exciting loud movie. I don't think he knows how to make a good one. I hated the Transformers in their modern form. They were so chaotic it was impossible to make out many features. The voiceovers were poorly connected to the character (like my argument for why the Hulk movies keep failing). The movie is so loud and wild - just for the sake of being loud and wild. Shia Le Bouf is so annoying; I think he ruins anything he is in. I feel the same way about Megan Fox. And, replacing her with an animatronic Barbie doll isn't going to help matters much. So, I just will remain in the minority of movie fans and stay away from Transformers. I may have felt different if everything I read and heard was trumpeting the film as a work of cinematic art. But, since even my movie loving friends couldn't decide on it if was "epic" or "lame," I stayed home. I'll bide my time and save my money until something more my taste arrives.

Cars 2

2011-06-28T09:26:00.000-04:00

As any of the millions of readers of this blog can attest, I am a huge Pixar fan. I frequently bemoan their lack of respect when it comes to the Oscars. I consider them some of our greatest modern artists. I also have raved about their story telling. I have even ranked all the Pixar movies - just so you can have a handy authoritative guide on Pixar. Even though I used to go to anys. movie that came out, finances and three kids have made that an impossibility now. I frequently miss even movies I really want to see. But, I never miss a Pixar movie. [The fact that Disney almost pays you go to their movies now through promotional tie-ins certainly doesn't hurt.]

Cars 2 has now entered the Pixar universe. Obviously, we were going. I really liked the first movie. My oldest son was a huge fan of the franchise and owned a bunch of the cars and tracks. My youngest son has now discovered his older brother's cache of cars and is a fan himself. All three kids have been waiting for the movie to come out. And we had two free tickets. In the words of Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber, "We're there."

I had heard some negative reviews of Cars 2. That was a shock in and of itself. Pixar movies don't get negative reviews. They are bullet proof. It wasn't going to stop us from going, but I was a big concerned. Then I read a very interesting article on the Orlando Sentinel, of all places. And it was written by Roger Moore, of all people. I have usually felt Moore's movie reviews were useful for lining bird cages and not much else. (Since I only read the electronic version of his reviews, I obviously meant lining Angry Bird cages.) But, recently, I have noticed his commenting on the movie industry in general is vastly superior to his movie reviewing. He talked about the "retroactive movie review." This is where a critic rips into a movie that becomes a big hit, or overly praising a dog meat movie. They usually will rectify this by going too far the OTHER way with a sequel. His example was Siskel and Ebert ripping into Ace Ventura when it came out. It was a runaway blockbuster. So, they actually praised the idiotic sequel - even though it really sucked (even when considering it was a Jim Carrey movie). It is the movie equivalent of basketball's "make up call."

The original Cars movie was overrated. I was guilty of that. It was undeniably gorgeous. But it was a little boring, especially to kids. And it was not very original. I commented at the time that its plot was basically a retelling of Michael J Fox's Doc Hollywood - a movie no one is considering rebooting. When I made my list of Pixar movies, it was last. Admittedly, that is not necessarily an insult, since the worst Pixar movie is better than the best most other studios have to offer. It was an adult movie masquerading as a kids' movie. Kids don't understand the message of "take it slow and enjoy the ride." They are too busy making life seem like it racing by. So, according to Moore's theory, this attack by the critics was to make up for lavishing too much praise on the original film.

I don't know if Moore is right or not. Personally, I think he has some validity. Cars became a runaway hit NOT because of the movie itself. Rather, it was because of the merchandise tie-ins. It was the most licensed movie ever when it came out. And those licensed toys made a fortune. The little metal toy versions of the Cars characters were brilliant. They created a third line of toy cars - right along side Matchbox and Hot Wheels. And the sheer brilliance of it was that, while a Matchbox car costs 97 cents, a Cars car cost four bucks. My son had tons of these cars. You looked for the rare ones. And they kept bringing them out. There was regular McQueen, dirt track McQueen, tongue out McQueen, Radiator Springs McQueen, Dinoco McQueen. They did the same thing with Ramone (available in just about every color) and Mater. Then they brought out the "World of Cars" line and put the characters in different places.

Disney also realized that kids liked the Mater character way more than the Lightning McQueen character. They liked the concept of McQueen. But he was the straight man to the wild and crazy Mater. You began to see more toys focusing on Mater. It was a case of the sidekick superseding the star. Pixar is far from stupid - they know where the money is. They put out a line of shorts on Disney called Mater's Tall Tales - which spun into its own DVD and toy line. Kids loved everything about Cars - except Cars itself.

So the second movie had a specific goal. I know this had to be true. They wanted to entertain the kids. This was not going to be the well written, artistic home runs like some Pixar movies. The last four films all could have earned Best Picture Oscars (Ratatouille, Wall-E, Up, Toy Story 3). This was going to be an action-packed, comedy-filled, fun kids-magnet movie. And on that front, they nailed it. I remember taking Josiah to Cars and realizing that he zoned out for vast stretches of the Radiator Springs section. When he watched the DVD, he would get really into the beginning and end. Most of the middle he would go back and act out the beginning. Gabe has been the same way. He'll watch the first thirty minutes and then wander off or ask to watch Veggie Tales.

Last night, kids were engaged in the movie. There was action and silliness. There were four different racing scenes. There was lots and lots of Mater. It was everything the kids loved about the Cars universe with little of the adult navel gazing. The "message" of the movie was even more kid friendly - love your friends just like they are. Kids don't read movie reviews. They see toys and cereal boxes and posters. And so Disney got just what they wanted. They reinforced a brand that was already very strong. If possible, they made it even MORE kid friendly. There are now more characters to spin adventures off from, more licensed products, more money. And my oldest son walked out of the theater wondering when Cars 3 would be released.

It was far from original. I think the whole alternative fuel plot may have actually been stolen from Quantum of Solace. What was original was the amazing visuals. They were incredible. The scenes in Europe looks so realistic they were almost like photos. The rolling waves in the opening were incredibly rendered. And the way that Pixar worked this action movie around cars was pretty impressive. I like how they give certain vehicles certain personalities. The evil submarine/boat looks like sharks. And I always find it funny how they represent facial hair with fenders and license plates. (The Russian mobster cars all looked like they had scruffy beards. The Italian cars had little pencil mustaches.) And the vocal talent, as usual, was top notch. My personal favorite was Bruce Campbell popping up as an American spy car - basically playing his Burn Notice "Sam Axe" character in car form.

The movie was fun. It wasn't ground breaking or Oscar worthy. But it was fun and exciting. The kids will want to watch it again on DVD when it comes out. Gabe and Josiah have already begun asking for the new cars and Lego sets. It seems like Disney and Pixar accomplished their goals. When a really respected actor makes some blockbuster movie with little artistic merit (Ben Kingsley in Prince of Persia, for example), they often will say, "I have to pay the bills. I make these movies so I can make those other movies." This was a bill paying movie for Pixar.

Going Home

2011-06-13T13:13:00.000-04:00

At the end of the week, we will load our stuff in a truck (shudder) and drive back home. Well, I guess that is what to call it. I consider Orlando my home. I was born in West Palm Beach and lived there full time for eighteen years, and during the summer for another year. So, I suppose people would call that my "hometown." Honestly, though, I detest West Palm Beach. I hate South Florida in general. It was different when my parents still lived there. But my dad passed away twelve years ago and my mom moved and lives in Tampa. I still have family down there, but I don't think I've been down there since my Grandma's funeral almost seven year ago. Hard to call that "home."

I spent four years in Orlando during college. Heather and I moved our little family back there in 2002 and we stayed there for seven years. I think that part of the problem is that we moved around so much during our time in Central Florida. We have lived in Winter Park, Orlando, Oviedo, and now Winter Springs. In college I lived in six different places. During our second stint in The City Beautiful, we lived in five different homes. So, as we begin our third go round there, this will be the twelfth different location I where have resided. (This not counting the four different addresses in Tampa I had, one in Orange Park, and one in Tallahassee.) That makes it rough to really connect - when you are constantly having to pick a new Publix, a new pharmacy, a new gas station.

But there is just something about Orlando that resonates with us. I remember when we lived in Tampa, we used to drive over to Orlando - just for the day. We didn't go to the parks or anything. We would go to a Super Target or walk around City Walk or Downtown Disney. It was our place. Going back this past week to work on the new house, it just felt familiar. That is NOT to say that it is the same place we left. You may think that not much can happen in an area in two years. But that is very wrong. As we drove around, we had to take stock of what was still in business and what wasn't. There is an entirely new massive apartment complex with parking garage across the street from UCF. Multiple restaurants have changed hands or closed down. Our hot dog place closed down. The Beef O'Brady's we used to go on Sundays after church is gone. The Oviedo Mall is even more of a corpse than it was when we left. One word that cannot be ascribed to Orlando is "static." It changes more than any other area I've ever frequented.

Orlando is such an unique city. It really is three cities. You have the tourist Orlando on the West side. That is where you find Disney, Universal Studios, Sea World, International Drive, the Florida Mall. You have whole communities that have popped up and grown due to their status as support to the tourist areas - Kissimmee, St Cloud, Lake Buena Vista, Celebration. There are residents out there. But there is also a constant massive coming and going of tourists. We like that side of town as a place to visit - but we hardly ever go there. It's too crazy, too busy, too expensive. It's humorous - when we talk about moving back to Orlando, people invariably mention Disney. In the eleven years I've lived in Orlando, I think I have been to Disney a handful of times. And, I have only paid for tickets myself maybe one or two times. I had friends who got me in, or someone else bought me tickets. Those places are just too expensive to go a lot - unless you can manage annual passes. But we will go over to the surrounding features a couple of times a year: the Lego store, the giant McDonalds, the big movie theatres.

Heading east, the next area is Downtown Orlando. You have the big buildings, the government offices, the giant courthouse, the arenas, the performing arts center, museums, SoDo, Baldwin Park. It is the arts, sports, and cultural center. This area is similar to many other large, but not massive, cities in our country. Again, it has its residents and its normal traffic. And people in the other areas only go there when they have to. If they have to go to a government outpost, a hospital, a lawyer, a basketball game, a play. There is a night life, but it is hardly as robust as the city wishes it had. They are constantly trying to boost the area and renovate areas of it. I know they have been trying to get more traffic (and fewer homeless people) to Church Street since I got to UCF in 1992. It is a constant battle against urban decay. But some people love this area of town - and it certainly has its purpose.

The farthest east is the UCF area. The University of Central Florida is considered a metropolitan university, since it is housed in a large city and was built after the city was founded. It is not in a town that grew up with the school - like Gainesville or Athens, GA or Knoxville. But, in many ways, UCF is actually a college town. The East side of Orlando was nothing until UCF started. And as the school has exploded, so has that area of town. I know that Oviedo bristles at being called part of UCF's reach - but it was a horse farm until UCF boomed. Now the college is massive. It is the biggest in Florida and the second largest in the country. It probably will pass Arizona State before long. I has an amazing campus with more and more opportunities. It has a Medical School, a football stadium, new basketball and baseball stadiums, a great concert venue. They are starting a Dental School. It is a great place. And that whole area of town has benefitted from its growth. This is the area where we have always lived. And we really like it. Everything you need is right there. And if there is anything else you want to do, it isn't hard to get out to it.

[There is a fourth district developing over at Lake Nona - partly due to the new Medical School. It is called the Medical City - with the school, new hospitals, research facilities, all that stuff. In a few years, it will deserve its own paragraph. Right now, it is still in process.]

Lots of people have asked how we liked Tallahassee. Honestly, we hated it. I know some people are fiercely defensive of our state capitol. Those people are called Seminole fans. Seriously, though, much of what makes people like Tallahassee is exactly why we disliked it. They talk about the great stuff they did in college. Exactly. We are not college kids. I have told numerous people, if you are a student whose goal is to party and drink and have a great time - Tallahassee is a great place. If you are a politician who needs to go to the office in between running for re-election and whose goal is to party and drink and have a great time and hit on college girls - Tallahassee is a great place. For families, it is a rough place. It was oppressively hot. There were not a lot of options that didn't cost a ton of money. It was not a great experience.

That is not to say there are not some great things about Tallahassee - or the last two years. The city administered recreation facilities put anything Orlando has to shame. The kids were able to join gymnastics programs, go to water parks, or join sports leagues for minimal money. Those were great things. The school the kids attended was a great experience - but that was more due to individual teacher than the school as a whole. We have had some good things happen. Heather had a great time at the FSU Med School. I lost a bunch of weight. The kids and I have a stronger relationship now. We return better people, to be sure. But there were not many tears about leaving the city.

I think one thing we like about Orlando is the potential. While we probably will not go to Disney or Universal often (or at all), the potential is there. We could go there, if we wanted. On a Saturday when there isn't anything to do, we could go to the science center or walk around one of the shopping villages. In reality, our day to day lives are not much different in Orlando and Tallahassee. But they could be.

The biggest thing about going back to Orlando, though, is the people there. I think that is what really make Orlando feel like home. We are going back to people who love us and who we love. Yes, we have people that fit that bill in every city we have ever lived. There are friends and family in Jacksonville and Tampa and West Palm Beach and Rock Hill - and even Tallahassee. But the quantity of people in Orlando who are close to us is so much larger. That is what hurt so bad about leaving. It wasn't the Magic or Mickey or Super Target or Del Taco that made leaving Orlando so bad. It was leaving those people. It was knowing that for two years that we would rarely be able to see them.

Facebook makes things like that easier. But it is not a suitable replacement to sitting in their living room and laughing and holding their baby. It is not the same thing as eating together and watching your kids all run around a play place. It can't take the place of standing next to them in church, or going to a movie together, or sitting at a table and talking for hours. I know that on our trips back during the last two years, it was always stressful to try to fit in time for all the people who wanted to see us. There are friends from Lifepointe Church, First Years Preschool, International Community School, UCF, the Apple Store, First Baptist Oviedo, Defender Ministries. I think that is what makes the thought of coming back to Orlando so sweet. It is like they all are standing there with their arms open, waiting to hug us. That is actually the picture I have in my head as I think about it. I see hundreds of individual faces smiling and saying, "Welcome Back. We missed you."

In the back of my head, I know that there is a good chance that this is only a two year return. When residency comes, we may have to move again. And that time it may be for good. I know that. It lurks back there, haunting the trip back. For the next few days, though, I am going to ignore that thought. I am going to dwell on the fact that I finally get to go home. And I can't wait.

Memorial Day

2011-05-29T14:42:00.000-04:00

I went back through my blog and was shocked - SHOCKED - to see that I had never actually written a Memorial Day post. I could have sworn I had. I know when I worked at First Baptist Church of Temple Terrace I wrote a yearly article about the day. But somehow I have not done a Memorial Day blog post. Time to remedy that oversight....

This weekend is the official opening of summer, according to most people. It is a three day weekend filled with cookouts and beach trips and car races. School is winding down or finished for most students in Florida. Big movies are invading the multiplex. So it is easy to forget the point of this weekend. In America, we have three national holidays to recognize those who have sacrificed their lives for our freedom: Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Veteran's Day. We also have two unofficial holidays that bring the same reflection - September 11 and December 7 - and several smaller days like Armed Forces Day and Flag Day. You would think that our country would just be filled to the gills with appreciation for the military and other service groups.

But, somehow, it isn't that way. In recent years there has been a resurgence in these feelings of thanks - largely due to 9/11 and the military efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan. It wasn't too long ago, though, when it felt like Veteran's Day and Memorial Day just slipped by with nary a mention of what the point was. It also was easy when the country went through a long stretch of time without a major military conflict. It was normal to have a President with military service. Anyone remember how damaging it was to Dan Quayle when he was labeled a "draft dodger?" And that was one of the points against Bill Clinton, too, when he first ran. Now, though, it is more uncommon to have a veteran running for President. None of the major candidates over the last few elections, with the exception of Wesley Clark and John McCain, had military experience. Well, John Kerry did, but that somehow came across as a bad thing due to what happened with it. Obama, Bush, either Clinton, Romney, Palin, Huckabee, Gore, Edwards, Guiliani. None of them were of a military background. I'm not criticizing this - just stating facts. Most of the military actions - Kosovo, Somalia, Panama, First Gulf War - were smaller in scope and not seen with the same eyes as the larger wars in the past.

I have always been more sensitive to this, having a father who was one of those who served. He was a Marine and veteran of the Korean War. He earned a Purple Heart for being wounded in battle. He is buried in a Veteran's Cemetery in Vermont. I have spoken of this several times in this blog. This military service is one of the things I am the most proud of about my father - it always was. I learned to appreciate the sacrifice he made. It was easy to remember, since I saw it every day of his life. He lost the top joint of each of the fingers of his right hand to the frostbite that set it after a bullet struck him. He had scars on his neck and leg from shrapnel. His hearing was damaged from explosions. It was a living reminder. You couldn't really look at him and NOT remember. He rarely talked about it. But we knew enough from the few conversations he had.

The First Gulf War took place when I was a junior in high school. It was scary to me. I had grown up with the spectre of the Cold War looming over everything. There were nightly reports of the Soviet Union and the posturing between our countries. When the USSR fell, it felt like there was going to be peace. And then this war came along out of nowhere. I remember the fear was that this war was going to drag out. The last two conflicts were far from short - Vietnam and the Cold War. I was about to hit the draft age. There were several times my friends and I discussed this fact. And it hit close to home when a friend of mine from Debate Club enlisted and was sent to Iraq. He was dating the sister of one of my best friends - so we got updates frequently. I remember making a badge with a yellow ribbon and his name and wearing it every day to school. Then it was over before you could blink. This kind of started a string of shorter, limited conflicts. Budgets got cut since we weren't in a perpetual battle. And the military slipped from view.

I firmly believe that our challenge, as Americans, is to never forget the past. It isn't so we live there. But it is to remember the lessons taught. It is to be appreciative for what we have. There are two major dangers that people groups face - forgetting history and feeling entitled. That is how atrocities happen. You forget the sacrifices made to get you where you are, the price that was paid. And you begin to believe that somehow you deserve the freedoms and luxuries you have. In my opinion, this is one of the biggest problems in America today - people feel they deserve a certain quality of life, a certain status, a certain set of goods. So they get angry when they don't have those things. And they blame everyone else for that.

There have been societies in the past that have had that mindset. Ancient Greece. Ancient Rome. The Feudal Lords. Even to some extent, WWII Germany. What happened to those places? They got lazy and complacent. They were blind to the dangers around them. They started to think they were invincible or too mighty to lose. They got greedy and fat. And they got defeated by someone else who were not looking at things through a falsely covered perspective. I believe that gratitude goes a long way to keep your perspective right. It requires you to look back at the lessons of history. It makes you realize that there was a supreme cost to your situation. It forces you to remember there are other people around you. It reminds you that you are in someone's debt, that your good fortune came at a price. We teach our children to say thank you when they get a present, right? Why? It is to show them that we should always show appreciation for the good things we have. It helps us also appreciate the gift more when we remember that someone gave it to us. There are some things I have received as gifts that I would have gotten rid of over the years based on the item itself - it had outlived its usefulness, for example. But I kept it just because of who gave it to me. It meant more because it was a gift.

The fact is, we as Americans did not get to where we are just because we are inherently awesome. We didn't deserve it. It wasn't just our destiny. It took the sacrifice of literally millions of men and women. And, once we achieved a land with freedom and opportunity, we had millions more people sacrifice themselves to protect that way of life. I may not agree with everything the government does. I may not like some of the decisions they are making or some of the steps they take. I believe as a responsible engaged citizen that I am required to point out when there are things wrong. I need to vote and debate. I need to write my representatives. I need to be informed. That is part of my role. But I am never going to get to the point where my frustration with the people in government is going to be mistaken for a hatred of the nation itself. It drives me crazy when people threaten to leave America because they are angry over health care or social issues or gay marriage or whatever. I do not believe that you can show me another country on earth that allow you to the freedoms you have in America. There are not other places that give people the chance and ability to move themselves out of the status they were born into like the USA. A person born into a regular average home can make money, get elected, fulfill their dreams. They are not locked into a status forever. I am a born again Christian and an ordained minister. I am allowed to type that into this blog without fear that someone is going to come bust down my door and haul me off to prison. You may not like the fact that I believe that way. You may detest my God and my religious beliefs and WISH someone would drag me off to prison. But, the great thing about America, is that you can feel THAT way too.

We live in an amazing country. And the only way that this place exists is because people fought and died to create it, maintain it, and defend it. It is essential to remember that. If not, we start to think that this is just the way things should be - that it is our right just because we were born here. Earlier today, someone told me that when they complain about stuff, their mom will say, "It could be worse. You could be deployed overseas for a year." It is her way to remind this person that there are other people whose situation is harder than ours. That is important to remember - it gives the right perspective.

That is why I think Memorial Day is SO vital to our country. It forces us to remember those people who are serving in our military to protect us. It makes us think back through history - the good and the bad - to make sure we learned the lessons well. It gives us a chance to express our gratitude to those people who sacrifice their lives, their families, their safety for ours. "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." Yes, that came from John 15:13 in the Bible, but it just as much applies to the members of our military. They sacrifice their lives for us - how can you top that?

So I challenge you this holiday weekend, in between the hot dog and the burger, express some gratitude. Offer a prayer of safety for our troops overseas. If you know someone who is serving, send them a letter. Contact their spouse and see if there is anything you can do for them. At the very least, thank THEM for allowing their loved one to serve. If you can, make a donation to the USO or to a Veteran's support organization. Make something to take to the veterans at a local nursing home. If you see someone in uniform, pay for their meal or coffee or groceries. If you own a company, give a military discount. If you work at a company that offers a military discount (most of them do, if you check), make sure that you give that to your customers. At the very least, be thankful. It is quite certain they deserve that.

The Death of Sports

2011-05-25T11:12:00.001-04:00

I'm not sure exactly when it happened. It probably was a gradual thing. But my love for sports is dead. I came to this realization the other day. It was sad, but I think I saw it coming. I have been disappointed with sports for a while now. This blog has seen its share of my complaints over the years. I always assumed those were like disagreements between friends - something that could be worked out over time or ignored for the sake of the relationship. Not any more. This is a full fledged break up.

I have always loved sports. Not playing them, mind you. I loved watching them, reading about them, talking about them. I never quite went as far as some kids - where they become walking encyclopedias of every little sport fact. I had friends like that and they annoyed me. "Hey, you know how many doubles Dale Murphy hit off left handed pitchers on road trips while the moon was in its second phase?" I liked to follow stuff, know who was leading categories, cheer for my teams. I had football and baseball cards. I always watched the playoffs for just about everything - except hockey. Even as a kid, I always read the Sports Section (and the comics) in the paper. We got both the morning and evening papers, so I would check to see if there were new stats or transactions. I loved transactions - trades, injury reports, stuff like that. [Side Note: Do you remember when there were two different papers? Was that just a West Palm Beach thing? I loved it. The Palm Beach Post came in the morning and The Evening News came at dinner. It was shocked to find out they were the same company.] I read Sports Illustrated and Inside Sports.

Sports was one thing my dad and I connected on. I used to watch football with him on Saturdays and Sundays. We would watch Atlanta Hawks basketball on Superstation TBS at night. We avoided Braves games, because we both hated the Braves. My grandmother was a big fan of them, though. We always watched the MLB playoffs and World Series. The Super Bowl was a big deal at our house - as I've mentioned on here before. So were the Thanksgiving day games and New Year's bowls. We didn't cheer for the same teams. In fact, our house was a conglomeration of fan bases that hated each other. My dad rooted for the Bears, Celtics, and Hurricanes (I don't know who he liked in baseball - he didn't like baseball). And he hated the Dolphins, Notre Dame, and Braves. My brother went for the Redskins, Lakers, Expos (they trained in WPB), and USC Trojans. I was a fan of the Cowboys, Hawks, Yankees, and Georgia Bulldogs. So we had our share of arguments and loved ridiculing each others' teams. To this day, I still find it hilarious that Dallas' one win in 1989 was over the Redskins. Haha.

So I loved sports. I have blogged on this site 46 times about sports. On my Darth Fatso site, I blogged about the Super Bowl and how my eating changing affected that event. I have an entire other blog about my fantasy football league. (See, I DO spare you from inane writings sometimes.) But now, I just can't do it any more. I can't pretend. I have tried over the years to make it work. But each sports has, in turn, just done irreparable harm. What's it called? Irreconcilable differences.

MLB: Baseball didn't have to do much. I never really loved the sport. It was kind of the thing I watched while the real sports were on break. As I got older, I got less and less interested. But there were some things about it that were undeniably attractive. First, the teams trained down in Florida. This meant that it was easy to get to watch baseball in person. Second, the tickets were cheap. If you wanted to go to a Marlins or Rays game (Why would you, when I lived there?), you could do it for under ten bucks. But, when the 1994-1995 strike happened, that put the sport on life support. I had put up with work stoppages in other sports and figured you just deal with it. But this one cancelled the World Series - the only thing of redeeming value in baseball. I was just about through with them. I, like many Americans, got sucked back in during the McGwire/Sosa home run race. As a Yankees fan, I loved their emergence again as a dynasty. But the final blow came with steroids. It seemed like nothing good that happened since that strike was real. Every big name guy was on drugs. And the Yankees were the worst offending team. I broke with them after the Mitchell Report fingered TWENTY-SIX players on that team. I have enjoyed how the Tampa Bay Rays have built their team. But the way the big money teams raid the small money ones still irks me. I go entire seasons without watching a game.

NBA: I think the first blow was when Shaq left the Magic. I really connected with that team while I lived in Orlando. I went to a few games. I watched most of them. My close friends were all Magic fans. And the team was a good one to like - upstanding guys (for the most part), nice management, lucky lottery picks. They should have been a dynasty. But Shaq was a selfish jerk and I realized just how toxic the Orlando media was (and still are - just wait until they shove Howard out of town. They aren't happy unless they are mad at the Sentinel.) I had rooted for Jordan and loved watching him play. I got over the Shaq betrayal and got up for the next Magic run when they signed Grant Hill and T-Mac. Whoops. I picked myself back up when they got Dwight Howard and make a title run a few years ago. But something happened when LeBron James bolted for Miami. Something broke in the NBA. It has always been the most selfish of the leagues, when it came to players. It is the one where one player has the most clout over a team. One player can make a difference, sell tickets, push a team into the spotlight. But one player can't do it all. In one player could have done it, it would have been LeBron. He tried and almost did it. But he wasn't strong enough. And he got tired. So he bolted to Miami. (To be fair, we have seen other guys do this too - Garnett, Barkley, Drexler. James was just the most blatant.) Since then, Carmelo moped his way out of Denver and Deron Williams griped his way out of Utah. It was like players realized they truly had the full control now. I know Dwight Howard is going to leave. If I was him, I would. He can't carry that franchise and the management is too stupid to get him help. Plus, the NBA is headed for a lockout this summer anyway. I just can't put up with it.

NFL: This was the heartbreaker. I always thought I would have the NFL. They were my favorite sport. It is the league I am the most invested in. I've been to more NFL games than any other sport - except maybe UCF football. I watch the most NFL. My kids even recognize this. I handled my transition away from the Cowboys to Tampa and Jax okay. I even put up with labor issues before. Free agency? Okay, we'll deal. Obnoxiously high prices? Punk players? I'll overlook it. But two things did it for me. The first was the concussion issue. I really read a lot about this over the last year. I was reading the early stuff, too - not just after the NFL started to try to cover their butts. It is scary. People are literally killing themselves to play this sport. And the worst part is how it affecting kids and teens. The attention is all on the NFL. They have players dying in their 40s with massive brain damage. But think about these kids who are playing like their professional idols. How bad is it going to be for them?!? I honestly can see a day where football as a whole gets shut down due to safety hazards. The NFL is walking a dangerous line. They are addressing the issue without admitting they knew anything was wrong. What happens when we find out they had access to these studies years ago? How many lawsuits are going to hit from families of former players? How will colleges justify offering this sport? The second fatal problem was the current lockout. It isn't that the sport is suffering. As Bill Simmons explained on ESPN the other day, this whole battle is two guys trying to decide how to divvy up an enormous pile of money. Eight billion dollars are on the table. And these sides are fighting over who gets what. Not trying to split up fifty bucks. EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS.

This gets at the crux of my problem with professional sports. I know there are other issues at play like medical care for retired players and licensing stuff. But the real issue is this money pile. I have a hard time watching that and not getting furious. Did you know that teachers in Florida are about to go on a merit based pay scale? These woefully underpaid individuals - the people who we are trusting to educate future generations of adults - are now going to have their income determined by student performance. BUT, the catch is, this performance is on some stupid wacky unfair standardized test. The test does not take into account cultural background, learning style, test taking style. It has no consideration in it for the individual student or class. Everyone must take the same stupid test. The instructions for it are actually counterproductive for students to do well on it. It is geared to auditory learners. And schools monkey around with the scheduling of it so they have enough time for make up testing due to rampant absences during test week. So, these teachers who are barely making enough to justify taking this job, are now going to see their pay cut if their students don't do well enough on this test. Oh, that is in addition to having to pay for supplies and snacks and rewards out of their own pocket. All of this so the state can save some money?!? And then we have a group of people fighting over EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS while my daughter's excellent superior amazing teacher is wondering if she can afford to keep teaching. Fury. And, yes, this is more a problem with society than with sports in general. But that certainly doesn't mean I have to continue supporting that flawed societal decision.

COLLEGE SPORTS: My last refuge had been college sports. I love UCF. I cheer for their teams and watch their games. I get excited when they start to do well and realize their potential. They have started to get some bigger named athletes. Their recruitment is improving. Their facilities are top notch. Bowl appearances, bowl wins, national rankings. It is all finally happening. So I have something left to hold on to. Sure, college sports seems dirty at times. There are recruiting violations all over the place. Players are getting arrested. Coaches bail on their teams for bigger pay days. But those are bigger schools. UCF doesn't do that. Ok, fine, they've had their share of players cheating and dying and stuff. But that was under old leadership. These new coaches and administrators are clean and above board. the UCF football team had one of the highest graduation rates in the NCAA - right up there with Stanford and the Ivy League schools. They had one of the lowest arrest rates. Good place. I even started to admire George O'Leary after consecutive winning seasons, reading about the grad rates, and the recruitment. So what if Ohio State is now shown to be dirty? So what if we know that in a few years UConn will have to return the title hardware and Auburn will forfeit every game Cam Newton played in? Who cares if the BCS is so stupid and corrupt that it makes the national title an annual joke. UCF isn't like that.

Except they are. After the biggest recruiting year ever at UCF - national praise for both football and basketball classes - the whole thing starts to stink. Turns out some guy from Chicago that is tied to basketball players is not who he says he is. He's tied to an agent. Suddenly UCF's Chicago pipeline is called into question - including how we got Marcus and Jeff Jordan and the big name guys this year. The top notch QB we signed from Louisville tries to back out of his letter of intent. O'Leary won't let him. Things start to look murky. It was then that I knew that UCF had really hit the big time. They were dirty just like everyone else. When I talk about this with my friends, they all say the same thing. "You know, all the team do it. They all cheat. It really comes down to who cheats less and who covers it up better." So why am I supporting this? I am teaching my kids to play fair, not lie, not steal, not cheat. I am trying to make them good citizens who follow the rules. And then I am supporting an institution that is about who breaks the rules in the least obvious way?

Sports is always about getting an edge. This drug isn't technically illegal - yet. Try to squeeze in one more offseason workout. Text one more recruit ten more times. Hire this guy to put you in touch with this coach. Keep it under the table. Get together with other players to plot out your free agency so you can play together - three years before you are actually a free agent. The whole thing is dirty. We have gotten to where we assume everyone is dirty. Lance Armstrong? We know he cheated. The mounds of evidence point to that. Worse, it points to a massive conspiracy to keep it quiet. Will you be stunned if he is proven to be a doper? No, you probably will be to know he wasn't. Is there a single athlete that would surprise you to be revealed as a user? Is there a single college team that would be a shock if it came out they cheated? I know that I risk sounding like a bitter old man, but there was a day when sports pointed us to something good. It showed us heroes who went above and beyond, who trained their bodies to the peak of human skill. It gave us lessons on the triumph of the human spirit. It offered hope to millions who saw it as a way to escape their lives of poverty and desperation. At times, it unified the country behind powerful community experiences - the World Series after 9/11, the first Monday Night Football game in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Now, though, it is hard to even imagine feeling that way about sports. In fact, it seems a little silly that we ever attributed such a high place to something like sports.

At this point, the entire industry is ridiculous. The whole thing is dirty. It's all about money and power and none of it is about fun or the game. I have intentionally NOT pushed my kids towards sports. It used to be that you had kids get into sports to teach them about teamwork and hard work and loyalty and all that good stuff. Now, I keep them away because I'm afraid of what they'll really learn. How long before they are pushed to play through an injury, to take some kind of enhancement? How long before my daughter's life would be taken over by gymnastics practicing? How many games before my son gets his bell rung and is told to get back out there? I just don't think I can do it any more. How bad is my apathy? The NHL and NBA are both in their playoff runs. Baseball is in full swing. And I have spent the last week watching my Burn Notice DVDs and playing Monster Dash on my iPhone instead of watching a single sporting event. Last night, I checked ESPN.com and saw that the Heat and Bulls were tied with under a minute left in the fourth quarter. Instead of putting on the game, hoping to see something amazing, I went to bed. I didn't care at all. Isn't that what you always hear? You know a relationship is dead when you don't even fight or argue or scream any more? You just don't even care? That's me. The dashboard of my blog is littered with half written posts griping about sports that I never even finished. They just get to be "I've already written this. What's the point." It's over. That's not to say the old feelings will never be tapped into again - with some special game or exciting season. But I don't think it will ever be the same. I always heard that sports helped to show us the best mankind had to offer. Honestly, now it merely shows us the worst. That sounds like a toxic situation to me. It's time to move on.

Over Ripened

2011-05-23T14:15:00.000-04:00

When I was growing up, we had a giant mango tree in our yard. I'm talking huge. It was one of the banes of my existence. I didn't like mangos. In fact, none of the kids liked them. My dad liked them, but he couldn't touch them because he was allergic to the sap from the tree. My mom liked them, but she couldn't eat them because they made her mouth hurt. If my dad wanted to eat any mangoes, my mom had to cut them up for him - but she couldn't have them. So, here was this huge stinking tree that would generate literally hundreds of mangoes every year - and our family could maybe eat five a year.

So, you may ask, why did I hate the tree so much? Well, first of all, the thing would bloom every year. (It felt like some years it bloomed two or three times.) These weren't pretty blooms like the lovely pink flowers that grace the Atlantic seaboard when cherry trees flower. Mango blossoms are these big clumps of nodules that can best be described as Grape Nuts. So, when these things fell - which they would do during every storm and wind - the yard would be covered like someone spilt a truckload of moist cereal on the ground. Pretty, huh? Second, if you did the math with the information provided above, our family used maybe five or ten of this avalanche of fruit. So what happened to the rest? Most of them fell. They fell into the yard, onto the patio, into the hedge. They impaled themselves on the fence and banged into the cars on the street. And then they rotted. I was in charge of picking up the doggie doo, which also meant I was supposed to pick up the fallen fruit. (Oh yeah, in addition to mangoes, we had a grapefruit and tangerine tree - LOTS of fallen fruit.) I hated picking up mangoes. The only thing I hated worse than picking them up was stepping in a rotten one.

To avoid the problem of being buried with fallen fruit, we would trek out back with a big fruit picker and try to get the fruit off the trees. (This also was to avoid people walking by and throwing rocks into the tree to get fruit.) We didn't eat these things. We would send them in to my dad's work. We would set up a table on the sidewalk and sell them. And we would give them away. All those rock chuckers? If they had just asked we would have given them a big bag. Sometimes we would pick them when they were still green. Some people ate them that way. But most people would ask how to ripen those mangoes. So we used to tell them, "Put them in a paper bag and close it up. If you want it to go faster, put in an apple." This is the same advice people give on how to make bananas ripen. Apparently, the apple puts off some magic voodoo chemical that ripens fruit. I don't know.

The reason all of this came to mind was that I was dealing with Josiah, our oldest, this weekend. I know my kids are growing up. But there are those moments when you really understand just how much things have changed and can’t go back. I have a bad habit of getting my kids “stuck” in my head at a certain age. Even though I am conscious of the fact that they are almost 10, 7 ½, and almost 4, when I see them my brain is kind of stuck at 5, 4, and 2. Then I’ll hug Josiah and realize how beefy he is and it will surprise me. He is almost 10! He is starting to move into the shape of a tweener instead of a little boy - or a toddler. Natalie loves to cuddle and sit with us in the chair or on the couch. She barely fits in the chair with me. I used to carry Gabe so easily. Now, after holding him through two stores and the parking lot at the mall, I’m about ready to fall over.

The physical growth is not the most startling thing, though. It is a gradual process that is easy to miss. It wasn’t so long ago that Josiah was getting trouble in school for touching people’s hair - especially the girl with the really curly hair. He has turned into such a good kid now in school. He never gets in trouble. He and Natalie have gotten maybe five markouts combined in two years - and I think three of those were because I forgot to sign their planners. So it is easy to have the years pass and not realize that the stakes are getting higher until something jolts me out of that mindset. There have been a series of things happen with him and school this year that was beginning to distress me. He has been exposed to some bad behavior, bad language, and bad attitudes. And, unfortunately, he has not resisted these things as much as I wished he would have.

For much of this year, I have been worried about protecting Josiah. He was getting bullied by this girl in his class. And before you make any smart remarks about being bullied by a girl, you haven't seen this girl. She scares me. Anyway, I have been alerting the teacher about the situation and sitting by frustrated as she didn't act as quickly as I hoped. I finally got the situation dealt with - months after it started. Then the trouble became that I was worried Josiah wasn't getting challenged enough in school. He never has homework. He seems to sit around a lot in class. And after the FCAT was over, it really felt like everyone just checked out. (Don't get me started on the FCAT... or merit based teacher pay... That's another angrier post.)

I was so worried about the bully and the teacher, that what I didn't really see coming was the friend. Josiah has this friend. The kid lives in our apartment complex - something I didn't realized until about halfway through the year. I do my best to be careful about this friendship. Josiah can't go over to his house - the parents smoke, which would wreck havoc with Josiah's asthma. But I know they have different opinions about things than us. And I don't want him being exposed to things that are going to hurt him. So he can't go over there. I have allowed this boy to come over to our place to play with Josiah. But I have limited this interaction as well. The boy isn't very nice to Natalie. And I just don't like the boy's attitude. Most of the time, I deny the request to play. I have allowed phone calls, but I lurk to make sure nothing is going on. And I limit the time.

The problem is that I can't control what happens at school. This boy and Josiah are in class together, they go to advanced science together, and they eat together. They like the same computer games. They like drawing and comic book stuff. But I know this kid is bad news. Josiah is surlier when he is around him. He uses phrases like "dude" more. The breaking point, though, came like a storm that I couldn't have expected. I always was worried about this kid, but I thought most of it was my being ultra-paranoid and protective. Or it was preference, like I prefer not to be called "dude" by a nine year old. But then Josiah came home and told me this kids had been suspended. Whaaa? He had stolen a teacher's iPhone. I was shell shocked. Stole a phone?!?

As the details came out, I began to realize just how bad of an influence this kid was. He had taken the phone on Monday and had it at home for FOUR DAYS! He had charged it at home and his parents didn't even say anything or know. And, the worst part was, Josiah knew. He had tried to talk the kid into returning the phone. But he never told anyone because he didn't want his friend to get in trouble. That closed the door on that friendship. The kid can't come over any more. They can talk on the phone, but I police the calls to the point where Josiah probably doesn't even enjoy them.

But we get back to the point from earlier - I can't control the school interactions. This weekend I found out that Josiah has started cursing at school because this boy does. At church, he joked about putting a gun to his parents' head to get an allowance. He lollygags in the hall after his science class with this boy instead of going back to class right away. I was crushed. I thank God we are moving so that Josiah gets away from this kid. But I know that there is another kid just like that waiting in Orlando.

I tried to talk to my son about all of this. He has a tender heart and was very upset. But I don't think I could adequately communicate all of the pain and hurt I was feeling. I know what it is like to be a little boy, trying to fit in. I remember picking up on curse words when I was in public school to fit in. I have given in to peer pressure to torment other kids or to do stupid stuff. If I told my kids all the dumb, naughty, obnoxious stuff I have done over the years, I wouldn't need to worry about other kids leading them into depravity. I would do it retroactively.

I told him what it felt like to me. It was like he was a mango or a banana - a beautiful piece of fruit. No blemishes. Just lovely. And then he got put into a paper bag with an apple - a bad apple, in this case. And slowly I notice spots of brown seeping in. At first, it is stuff like him getting exposed to Star Wars before I was ready. And they get larger and larger. He checks out Wimpy Kid or Captain Underpants - books I never would have permitted if I even had HEARD of them first. Then he starts to mimic behaviors and attitudes and language. The brown spots get bigger and bigger.

It is painful to be a parent. We worry about our kids. I know that I have always been afraid I would drop them or fall down the stairs with them. I was afraid they would get sick with some horrible illness. I have nightmares of bad things happening to them. I worry they will never follow God. But the growing up process seems to be the most painful. As grown ups, we see the end results. We know how small behaviors can turn into ugly addictions. We see that a tiny mistake can have life wrecking consequences. But to them, those things are not clear. And when we try to explain, they just don't get it. They can't wrap their mind around the scope we talk about. Or they buy into the lie "it won't happen to me."

I know this is just the beginning, too. They are steaming towards the teen years and I can't stop them. Natalie is interested in Justin Bieber. Gabe is moving out of preschool shows into Cars and Legos. The problems are only getting bigger. Their innocence is going to be lost and corrupted. That is the way of life. It just kills me to watch it.

In a lot of ways, it is like when you see the tornados destroy a town or a tsunami wipe out a community. The pain is enormous and we wonder what to do. I just feel helpless. When I woke up to hear about the latest city obliterated by a twister this morning, it was just like "Come ON!" As a parent, it feels like that. Storms are swirling around our kids. They try to steal them and destroy them. And there is only so much we can do as parents. And we will go crazy trying to stop life from coming - just like you could drive yourself crazy trying to avoid every tornado, earthquake, tsunami, hurricane, fire.

That is why I HAVE to trust God. He loves my kids more than I do, as hard as that is to believe. He is in control. As much as I want what is best for them, He wants that even more. And the thing is, He knows that sometimes what is best is NOT what I think. It may not be what is easiest - or the least painful. Laura Story's amazing song Blessings talks about that. Sometimes the pain of life is exactly what we need to make us into the people we need to be. And the same is true of our children. It is just a horrible feeling to stand by and watch that happen. I'm not saying that we need to passively stand by and watch our kids get the snot kicked out of them. But, at some point, we can't sit there and hold shields up around them forever. At some point, there are no more homeschooling options or Christian schools to send them to or restrictions to establish. They grow up and go to college and get a job. And at some point they are not in our control any more. The fact is, they never were. No matter how much we want to protect them, we can't stop that tornado any more than we can stop the naughty kid at school from talking to them. We can talk to them and love them and show them the right way. We can pray for them and teach them and model the right behavior. But at the very end of the day, we are at some point stuck hoping that they end up beautiful.

That is the part I can't stand.

I Don't Know

2011-04-26T14:06:00.000-04:00

One of the funnier moments I’ve seen on television this year happened this past Sunday on NBC’s underperforming America’s Next Great Restaurant. We have watched every episode and actually enjoy it. The concept of the show is that there are twelve people who have a proposal for a national chain restaurant. The four “investors” (not judges, investors) hear the pitches and watch them execute various tasks. At the end of each episode, these investors discuss who they don’t want to keep and send that person packing. The winner gets to have three locations of their restaurant opened in Los Angeles, New York, and Minneapolis. (Yeah, that last one baffles me too.) These experts are Bobby Flay (Food Network stud and owner of Mesa, among other places), Lorena Garcia (some Hispanic chick with short skirts and I still don’t know what she ever did), Curtis Stone (celebrity chef and someone who has some sort of blackmail on NBC executives who keep trying to push him as a star), and Steve Ells Founder of Chipotle (Seriously, that is how he introduces himself EVERY TIME. I think it is his name.) The show is pretty entertaining. And as a person who likes food, restaurants, food competitions, and food television - and a person who has his own ideas for chain restaurants (a China/Mex place - it works) - I like the show a lot.

Anyway, they are down to the final four contestants. There is Soul Daddy - a Soul Food place. (I hope they win.) And then there is Spice Coast - an Indian place I would eat at. The third guy is a total Italian stereotype who has nearly cost himself the competition a half dozen times, despite having the easiest and most marketable concept. Brooklyn Meatball Company. See what I mean? I can see that everywhere, and I would eat there. The last place is Harvest Sol - a healthy Mediterranean place that tries to keep low calorie meals with a “green” mentality. The girl has changed her pitch so many times that it is hard to keep track of her latest iteration - something that threw off her own staff this last week. She is into sustainable foods, healthy stuff, all natural things. And the biggest strikes have come from her chef using canned chick peas and their food, well, generally sucking. But her concept isn’t bad - if you can figure out where she is trying to go with it. So she was still around.

Last week, this girl (Stephenie with all e’s, no a’s) managed to get herself kicked out, largely because of the funny thing that I referenced earlier. They were trying to put together a menu for the second to last competition in Las Vegas. She was going to make beef short ribs, a lamb wrap thingee, and some salad stuff. Well, the chef got the ingredients and she asked if the lamb were free range lambs. He said he didn’t know, so she decided that she wasn’t going to do the dish. She started talking about how it needs to be focused on sustainable food and healthy, no antibiotics meat and such. The chef, who has been reamed out several times for not listening to her, gave her the Spock/People’s Eyebrow and wanted to say something. You saw it falling out of his mouth. But he swallowed it and was like, “Okay. Um, I haven’t heard that… Okay, whatever.”

So when the judges (sorry, investors) came traipsing through the kitchen later, she was explaining her offerings. She went on a big rant about how she was going to do a lamb dish, but couldn’t be sure it was free range and sustainable and decided against it. These four restaurant gurus looked at her weird before Curtis Stone spoke up. (He must have won the pre-waltz coin toss for who busted her.) “So, how do you think they raise lambs for meat?” Stepheneee looked at them and started going on about how they were raised in cages without much freedom and all this. More quizzical looks. Steve Ells then started in about how lambs here are almost ALL free range and generally are way more sustainable than any other meat. Now, this dude owns Chipotle. The company as a whole has as its motto “Food with Integrity.” They devote a huge chunk of their website and menu to this promise. They have been featured on national news shows about this. They don’t use meat with antibiotics and are trying to get 100% of their meat from naturally raised animals. (They are at 85% on beef.) So, this guy is like the expert on this mentality. And there is this little girl rambling on with NO CLUE about what she was talking about.

But that wasn’t the best part. The show cut to her interview clip, where she said, “Looking back, I realize that I got veal and lamb mixed up.” Okay, I guess that is a fair mistake - maybe. Still not the best part. Bobby Flay, always the one to rein in the others, asked what else she was selling. So she started talking about the beef short ribs. All four of them tripped over themselves to ask the OBVIOUS question. “Is the beef naturally raised?” I wish I could have frozen her face at that point. “Uhh….” I think Curtis took over the inevitable beating duties. “You just made a big deal about the lambs being sustainable. But you are making BEEF ribs. That is a much bigger issue. Are they antibiotic free? Are they grass fed? Are they naturally raised?” Stephenney just stared and answered, “Honestly, I didn’t check that at all.”

Now, I am all for people taking a stand and eating healthier. I think it is a good thing to try to gravitate towards meat that is treated better and handled more correctly. We have made some of those changes in our own lives. We make sure we only buy hormone-free milk. My yogurt is all organic and natural - since most Greek yogurt companies are exclusively of that mindset. Beef in general has been mostly eliminated from our diet. We are trying - admittedly not as much as many people. But I am not out there on television pounding a drum about how natural and healthy and organic I am and then using canned chick peas, questionable beef, and mouthing off about lamb meat.

I am not trying to pick on Stefphennieye, per se. It is actually a sign of a bigger problem. We have become a society of supposed experts. There have always been blowhard wind bags that liked to act like they know everything. They would just ramble on about stuff that they didn’t actually know. (My dad was one of the biggest of them.) They would read something in Newsweek or Time and earn their mail-order Certificate of Expertnicity. But, it was pretty easy to recognize these people. Your BS detector would go off and then you would just kind of put up with them until they finished.

With the advent and proliferation of the Interwebs, this problem has become even more pronounced - and harder to eliminate. Think about it this way… When you ask someone where they got their information, how many times do they say, “I read it on Wikipedia.” When I was teaching, students would use wikipedia as a source for research papers, like it was a legitimate place to get info. And, honestly, most people believe it is. My argument was always, “YOU can update wikipedia. It isn’t a reliable source.” Anyone can go to Google or Wikipedia and look something up now and then turn around and rehash it - appearing to be quite intelligent. But they never even check to make sure that what they are saying is accurate.

This was Stiphini’s problem. She started talking like an expert, without ever making sure what she said was right. It was a noble position and it sounded good. But it was misguided. When she was questioned by an expert, she wilted because her knowledge was all props. This happens quite frequently now. Everyone with a blog is an expert on something. Facebook has made it possible to spread false information across the globe in a manner of seconds with just a few clicks of the “Share” button. It is easier to just retweet or resend or repost rather than go and check the validity of something.

This can be a very dangerous approach. People’s character and career can be ruined unjustly. Financial errors can be made. People can make incorrect decisions based on incorrect data. On the show, it wasn’t that big of a deal. The girl wasn’t going to win. She got put in her place. End of story. But what happens when someone posts something on a blog or on youtube and it gets out before that security can clamp down? Then we are caught trying to put the proverbial toothpaste back in the tube.

It is virtually impossible to erase something now when it is published. Which is why we need to be even MORE careful to be right about what we say. On one of my favorite sites, Uni Watch, they were talking about the Buffalo Bills’ new uniforms. Apparently, through a preview of the new Madden video game, a video of the new uniform set got out onto YouTube. It got taken down, since it was not up legitimately. Then someone else put it up. And it got taken down. And that cycle is probably continuing right now. But someone took screen shots of the video while it was up, so those pics were posted. And then Uni Watch linked to them. See the problem? Even if the Bills and the NFL were able to get the videos taken down and the original pics and the Uni Watch links removed, how many other little bloggers have now saved those pics and posted them? It becomes impossible to erase the error.

I think we have a responsibility to make sure what we are saying is accurate when we are reporting things as facts. Or we need to make sure that it is clear that we are stating opinions or satirizing something. That used to be the rules of journalism. But, in today’s blurred world of news, it is increasingly difficult to differentiate between news, opinion, entertainment, and plain old bull. I mean, some people quote The Onion, The Colbert Report, and The Daily Show like they are actual news sources.

When I worked at Apple, there were many things we did that surprised customers. But the one thing I got the most comments about was what we did when confronted with something we didn’t know. At other places I had worked (including churches), we were trained how important it was to always demonstrate that you were an expert. At Apple, we were trained from early on that if we didn’t know the answer, DO NOT MAKE IT UP. Instead, we would say, “I don’t know. Let’s find out.” And then we would walk with the customer to a computer and look up the answer. Or we would go to the Genius Bar or the inventory guy or the product label and find out. In fact, if you made up an answer, you would get in trouble for it. Customers for some reason couldn’t believe that we did this. They weren’t offended - in fact, it made them trust us more. They know we weren’t trying to pull something over on them.

I wish more people held to that belief. I would rather someone tell me that they didn’t know something and then verify facts than try to maintain a level of authority. When I was a teacher, I tried to do this with my students. I did the same thing as a minister. If I didn’t know, I said that and then went and found out. I think that is the responsible thing to do. We need to make sure that what we are hearing - and repeating - is true. (That is also a good message about sermons and Bible studies too.) It doesn’t take long. But it can stop a lot of damage. On the restaurant show, a little research would have saved Stephenie a lot of embarrassment and maybe even kept her in the running. Sometimes, as the old saying goes, it is better to keep our mouth shut and let people think we are stupid than speak and remove all doubt. At times, the best words to say are, “I don’t know.”

The Elijah Challenge

2011-04-14T14:38:00.000-04:00

This is an expansion and continuation of my last post on 1 Kings 17. As I've though further about some of these things, and read some of the comments over on Facebook from that post, it generated some further thoughts I wanted to put down.

Elijah is one of those amazing characters in the Bible. I always liked when we covered him in Bible class or Sunday School. And I loved reading his stories in our Illustrated Children's Bible. They were so exciting and action packed. Fiery chariots, fire from heaven, lots of miracles. It's the stuff that a kid loves to think about. As I grew older, I found new excitement in Elijah - mostly for the ballsy approach he had to life. I admired the fact that he just brazenly walked in to the king and gave him the what what. He also prayed some stuff that I was stunned about. [It's the same thing that made me love Caleb's story. At 80 the dude wanted the hill country from God so he could go bust up some giants. Just a studly move.]

But the sad thing is, despite the fact that I really like the character of Elijah and his stories, they kind of stayed in that realm of superhero stories that we so readily file Bible stories under. I don't know about you... Wait, yes, actually, I do. You're like me. We put these "heroes of the Bible" into the same category as Batman and Superman and Iron Man. They are these amazing characters with some supernatural gifts - kind of like a Israelite version of the X-Men.

But then there is the phrase in James 5:17. "Elijah was a man just like us..." Uh.... I can't recall there being such a straightforward reminder like that about any other character. James is telling believers to pray about things like healing and suffering. And, as if he could hear people questioning the rationale of this, he throws out the example of Elijah. [I'm using the NIV, because that is the way I learned this passage in school. Others say, "a nature like ours" or "subject to the same passions as us." I think they are fancy ways of saying the same thing. NIV is more succinct and poetic.] "Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops."

Does that just punch you right in the eyes? That is honestly one of the most convicting, hard to handle verses in the whole Bible for me. Right up there with Matthew 5:28 and Ephesians 5:25 and Matthew 5:48. So many times when we see things in the Bible that seem hard for us to do, we go into "yeah but" mode. "Yeah, but that was Jesus. He was God." Or "yeah, but that was Paul. I'm not Paul." Or, "yeah, but that was a different time." We can't use that this time. We are supposed to pray with that kind of boldness and conviction and faith. We can't cop out by saying, "Yeah, but that was Elijah. He was a superhero." Nope, he was a man just like us.

That brings a whole different dimension to the entire Elijah story. It has to. He's one of those bigger than life guys. I would love to see a movie made about his life - one with high production values and killer special effects. Call it Just Like Us. (I also would love to see Samson made this way. And Moses.) I mean, look at the stuff he is involved in during his life.

The very first time we see him, he is standing there in front of the evil King Ahab. (I'm telling you, there is even great movie names. Someone, get on this project, now!) Elijah just flat out tells the king that there is not going to be any rain or dew or water. Then he leaves.
Elijah is fed by ravens at the brook of Cherith.
Elijah stays with the widow and her son - and her flour and oil don't run out for three years.
The widow's son dies. Elijah prays over him and he comes back to life.
Elijah goes back to King Ahab and his evil wife Jezebel. They threaten his life.
Elijah confronts the prophets of Baal at Mt. Carmel. This is one of his biggest stories. It is a post in itself. During the showdown he mocks the prophets as they can't produce anything (humor too!). Then he prays and calls down fire from Heaven. Then the pagan prophets get slaughtered. (Yay, violence!)
Elijah on foot outraces the king's chariot.
Here comes the dramatic turn! After the VICTORY, Elijah goes and hides in a cave and gets depressed. He is afraid Jezebel is going to kill him - even after witnessing the crazy events at Mt. Carmel. This story perhaps greater than any other shows how much "like us" Elijah actually was. He got scared and depressed too.
Elijah confronted Ahab and Jezebel again - telling them that God was going to kill them and bring destruction on their house. God extended mercy due to their repentance, until they turned back to paganism. They died three years later just like Elijah said.
The next king didn't like Elijah either. So he sent fifty soldiers men to capture him. Two different times Elijah called fire down from heaven to destroy the troops before the third guy asked for mercy because he was just doing his job. Elijah went with that guy, and told the king he was going to die - which he did.
Elijah didn't die. Instead God pulled him up into Heaven in a whirlwind and chariot of fire.

Yup. Just like us. The guy is pulling fire out of the air like nothing. He is telling people they are going to die and they do. He stops the rain. He outraces chariots. Doesn't sound like me at all. I get overwhelmed by everything. I sit here frustrated and worried. And helpless. That feeling actually describes me a lot. I feel helpless to change anything. I just watch things going on and don't see what I can do. I usually say something like, "All I can do is pray." But then there is this guy Elijah. He sees evil and suffering. He observes injustice and pain. But he doesn't sit there helpless. He acts.

Now, it is very easy to hide behind a lot of excuses. I'm not Elijah. "Those were different days. It is up to God to do those things. God led him to pray those things." But I ask you not to resort to those answers this time, just like I am trying to not allow myself to fall into those thoughts. We see numerous exhortations to pray with boldness. Hebrews 4:15-16 tells us to boldly approach the throne of grace. John 16 tells us that when we ask in His name, He will give it to us. And it says that we haven't asked for anything, so if we did we would have it. Matthew 7 says if we ask, it will be given to us. Matthew 18 tells us if two or more agree and ask, it will happen. Matthew 21 says we will receive what we ask in prayer, if we ask in faith. These sentiments are echoed in parallel passages in the other Gospel books. James 1 tells us to ask and not doubt. 1 John 3 and 5 both tell us to ask God for what we need.

We have concocted this kind of lily livered view of prayer, where we go to God and say, "Um, God, whatever you want to do is fine. Please do that. If you are willing, then we would like this particular thing to happen. If it isn't too much worry. No biggie." How does that match Elijah OR the passages in the last paragraph? Quite frankly, it doesn't. Looking at Elijah's life, I don't see a wimpy approach - except for that one passage where he hid in the cave and wanted to die. Now THAT I can relate to. But that is NOT the part we are supposed to see as our example. We have this incredible example of a normal person who God used in a truly exceptional way. And God wants us to live this way.

Years ago, I tried to live this way. I started praying with increasing boldness. I saw some incredible things happen in those days - things that when I tell people about them they look at me with the Spock eyebrow and wonder if I was serious. But it did happen. And it could again. But are we willing to live that way? Am I willing? Instead of sitting back and waiting for things like the Libyan situation work itself out, why am I not aggressively and boldly praying for it to be solved? Why don't I make specific and daring requests of God. I'm not talking about "testing God" like Satan tried to do with Christ in the desert. I'm talking about having confidence in my prayers.

The last two years have sort of taught me to pray that way again. I'm certainly not fully there. But I am starting. I have been praying for specific things about our home in Orlando. When I prayed that Gabe would start to potty train, he started on his own the next day. But it seemed that when I stopped praying about it, he stopped doing it. Finances, academic ability, ministry opportunities. All of those things should be offered up in the method of Elijah. Am I able to believe in God that much? Am I willing to invest myself that way? Am I going to be committed to a life of faith and prayer?

That's my challenge to myself - and to you. Go and read about Elijah. Then decide for yourself if you are willing to step up and become a person like that. He was a man like us - can we be a man like him? It isn't asking too much. Those stories are in the Bible for a reason - and it isn't just to entertain children. It is to encourage us to live in a certain way. It isn't a mediocre helpless life. It is one of fire and whirlwinds.

1 Kings 17

2011-04-11T14:21:00.000-04:00

I am a smart and educated man who lives in the 21st century. I embrace technology and understand the basics of science and acknowledge its validity. I have been in many sermons and Bible studies over the years that have taught that the Age of Miracles is largely over. God doesn't work that way any more. And many of the things we believed were miracles in the past probably were just misunderstood phenomena. (I don't buy the complete validity of that last point. I don't care how much science you know, there are some happenings in the Bible that can't be figured out academically.) In fact, our modern society has kind of come to the place where we explain away many awe inspiring acts. Fire from Heaven was probably lightning. Jesus walked across a sandbar, not the water. Jericho was destroyed by an earthquake. We've gotten to the point where we brush away anything unexplainable - and certainly anything like that fits that bill that happens today.

But still, there are those things that just don't make sense. Lately, the passage of 1 Kings 17 has been coming to mind quite frequently. The Campbell's condensed soup version is as follows. There was a famine and drought wrecking havoc over in Israel. Elijah, God's prophet, was getting his water from a brook and food from ravens who brought it to him. (Weird happening #1) After that dried up, he went and visited a widow and her son. He asked her to make him some bread. Since he was the well known prophet of God, she wanted to do this - and would ordinarily have jumped at the chance. But the fact was that she only had enough oil and flour to make one cake for her and her son to eat and then die. Elijah told her to go ahead and make him a cake first and that God would not let the flour or oil run out until rain returned to the land. The lady made the cake. The stuff never ran out.

Now, it never says that the lady suddenly had buckets of oil and flour. (That happens with Elisha in 2 Kings 4 and a DIFFERENT widow.) Instead, it appears that she always had just what she needed. It reminds me of the story of the Israelites and the manna in the wilderness. They had enough to eat each day. If they hoarded too much, it went bad. God told them to take what they needed and that was it. It forced them - and the widow - to rely on God EACH DAY for their provision. They didn't save. They didn't store. They got and used and did the same the next day. (What would Dave Ramsey say about THAT mentality? No six months in savings?!?! AAACCKKK! I kid, I kid.)

That brings me to why I have been thinking about this passage. In our current phase of life, finances are a constant source of struggle. Heather goes to Med School. I stay home with the kids. My income opportunities are limited, due to that schedule. I earn money here and there from speaking engagements, curriculum sales, random graphic design work, and from Defender Ministries - when we have donations enough to generate some salary. So I'm hit and miss. Heather gets loans to cover expenses three times a year. So here is the way we deal with our budget. Have enough for three months, panic for three months, have enough for four and a half months, panic for one and a half months. It is awesome. We are in the midst of a panic stretch. And, to make that panic burst even more enjoyable, we HAVE TO move back to Orlando in June. FSU runs years three and four through satellite locations and we were assigned to Orlando. So we have to be there by June 29 for Heather to start her rotations. Which means security deposits, start up costs, moving truck, blah blah blah.

To explain how this panic feels, I use this illustration. Imagine that you are driving your minivan (or SUV) as fast as you can down the road with your family inside. This represents your financial wherewithal. As you race down this road (unable to go slower because the world slows down for no one), you are approaching a wall. That is the point where your money runs out and your bills come due. As the month goes along, you get closer and closer to the wall. You try everything you can to fix the situation, but it comes down to the fact you are going to crash. So you kind of brace for impact and pray like crazy that something happens. Sounds fun, right?

Well, this is how it goes. We race towards the wall and I prepare to crash. And then, right before the end of the month, somehow we get enough to make it into another month. A family member gives us money (God bless those family members - they know who they are). Defender gets a big donation. A church buys a big chunk of curriculum. Something happens. It doesn't make the wall disappear, but it pushes it back about 500 yards. So we can relax for a couple weeks before the panic sets in again. Now, I don't really like living this way. My prayer is usually that we hit a point where the wall is gone and we are able to drive without the panic bursts. Actually, my prayer is actually that we are able to do that and then help the other people in panic mode all around us. But that - for now - doesn't seem to happen. I know some day it will, just by the fact that my wife is going to be a doctor in a few years. But, for this time period, the wall just slides backwards a bit.

We're in panic mode now. It started with the arrival of April - when the latest resources ran out. We got through that through someone's generosity. Now May is looming - and it seems like the wall is even bigger. The move combined with the normal bills means the wall got thicker and taller. So the panic is more intense and overwhelming. Through it all, I am trying like crazy to trust that God is going to provide. But I can't see how. Libya doesn't look promising (look to this post for why that matters). There haven't been any mysterious envelopes in our mailbox. The economy didn't get healthy overnight. In fact, gas now is almost $4 a gallon down here - making the situation WORSE.

God has been trying to show me something through all of this, but I have been hesitant to believe it. So He keeps trying. But, remember, I'm an intelligent modern Christian with a healthy skepticism of miracles. So I doubt. And He keeps trying.

THE SHAMPOO - I have a bottle of Axe men's dandruff shampoo in the shower. Two weeks ago, I noticed it is running out. With shampoo, I let it run down to about two or three days worth left and get a new bottle - usually something for men with dandruff. Of course, on sale. Two weeks ago, I bought a new bottle at Target. The thing is, my Axe still hasn't run out. And, truth be told, it still is as full as when I bought the new bottle. Every day, I grab it and say, "Why is this so full?" Then the widow's oil goes through my head. And I push it away, thinking that is ridiculous and God doesn't miraculously replace shampoo.
RAZOR BLADES - I have very sensitive face skin. I've been shaving for over twenty years and I still can easily cut myself and bleed out. I have tried everything. I even have cut myself with an electric Braun razor. Don't ask me how; I don't know. This is why I almost always look unshaven. I shave three time a week, if I need to look presentable - once if I don't. To avoid blood loss and the inevitable transfusions, I have to use the fancy expensive blades. Anything else makes me look like I lost a knife fight. Well, I'm out. The three blades I have in the shower all have lost most of their lubricant strip - showing the yellow warning strip beneath. This translates to, "GO GET NEW BLADES, SUCKER, OR YOU WILL BE SHAVING WITH THE EQUIVALENT OF A RUSTY MACHETE!" Well, I can't justify spending the money on the new blades. A month ago, I told Heather that I needed blades. When I shaved on Saturday, I noticed that the green strip hadn't decreased any from the last time I used it. In fact, it looked the same as it has for the last month. Then the widow's flour went through my head. And I pushed it away, thinking it crazy and God doesn't miraculously replace razor lubricant strips.
PRESCRIPTIONS - Thanks to my rheumatoid arthritis, I am one of the many Americans experiencing better living through chemistry. I use two medicines to treat my RA (plaquanel and mobic) and two medicines to treat the side effects of my prescriptions (Zegerid for reflux and Zyrtec for allergies). Originally, I was on Nexium for reflux, but it was $40 WITH the insurance copay. Last month our stellar (read: dogmeat) student insurance plan told me they would not cover my prescriptions any more. I only have $350 of coverage a year - so I'm on my own until August. That meant my $3.75, $9, and $40 payments would balloon to $9, $35, and $177. I ditched Nexium for Zegerid - which was only $22 a month. And I found Zyrtec at Costco for $15 A YEAR. But I knew that my prescriptions this month would be $45. Target was running a deal where if you transferred your prescriptions they would give you a $10 gift card. I sent both of mine over there and went to pick them up. When I paid, it was $13. I questioned this and explained that the insurance had said I had used up my coverage. But the pharmacist assured me it was right. It was $13 - and I got $20 in Target gift cards. This was the third time that something that was supposed to have been used up had somehow refilled itself. This time, I didn't push the thought away.

I began to realize that God was trying to show me that He isn't necessarily going to move the wall away. It may just be Him pushing it back. But that still is provision. God is still answering prayers. It isn't how we want it. But it is teaching me to continually trust on His provision. Today, I also found out that we got a pretty large donation to Defender. It wasn't "The Big One" - but it was larger than we usually get. That meant that I was getting a check. My first thought was, "AWESOME!" That was followed by, "It isn't enough to cover the whole month of May." But I stopped and thought about it. It was enough to make sure we could secure a place in Orlando - and cover most of our bills and expenses until mid-May. And that pushed the wall back again.

It is a continual challenge. No one likes living with the constant fear of impending destruction. I would wager that most people reading this can understand that feeling. I don't know too many people who never have financial concerns or hardships. I have found that one of my lessons through this is to be grateful for God's provision - whatever amount it is, whoever it comes from, however long it lasts. Sometimes He doesn't want us to have too much because it will be too easy to forget Who is behind meeting our needs. It is good to stop and think about the fact that God is still the One who is in control of resources - even things as small as shampoo, razor blades, and prescriptions. And certainly in large things like rent and moving expenses.